tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4488056277173493712024-02-06T23:36:27.437-08:00just becausekaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.comBlogger193125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-60834432983527101002018-09-10T10:24:00.001-07:002018-09-10T10:24:49.225-07:00Here's to you, South America!
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Well it’s Monday and I am headed back to Angel Fire. I am
sitting here reliving my trip and wanted to blog (for Polly!) and so I won’t
forget these great memories.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Let’s back up to last Saturday. It was college football
kickoff - so it’s the most amazing day of the year for me. Who cares if UGA
basically played a middle school…I was watching. I woke up early to start
watching GameDay. It starts at 7am in NM, therefore so do I.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I loved watching football (for over 12 hours) but my heart
was sad. I hated the thought of leaving Gabe. And jay! I haven’t left G for
more than 5 days since he was born. He’s left ME – but I haven’t left him. That
kid stole my heart day one and it hasn’t looked back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I did all I could to keep it together in front of him. He’d
already caught me crying earlier in the week about leaving him so I wanted to
stay strong. Some of y’all may think “good grief kaci!” but I can’t help it. I
love him. I love talking to him. Kissing those sweet cheeks and having him in
my daily life. I just do. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I wrote him a note for everyday I’d be gone and left him
somewhat of a countdown to my return and packed my bags. He came running out of
bed the morning I was leaving. He was crying. We hugged and pulled each other
together. He was tough & stayed strong when I walked away.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I, on the other hand, was fine until I got to the airport.
Of course THEN I start crying. Just in time for everyone to think I’m afraid to
fly or something. But I reminded myself of this incredible opportunity and
sucked it up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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That first day of travel was LONG. I started traveling at
7am and didn’t get in bed until after 1am. Y’all. No. I was fine the first
flight but that second one…. I was losing it. It was 6.5 hours. I watched THREE
movies and a few episodes of friends. I legit almost asked the stranger next to
me if I could lay my head on his shoulder. But I thought better of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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It was like being in the hospital. I couldn’t sleep because
they kept waking me up to ask if I wanted things. NO, I don’t want dinner. NO,
I don’t want dessert. NO, I don’t want a snack. SHUT UP. Hahaha. Bless them for
doing their jobs…I guess. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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When I arrived in Lima Peru at 11:45pm I immediately
remembered NOBODY SPEAKS ENGLISH. I just followed people that looked American
in hopes of going to the right place. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am and apparently will forever be an idiot going through
immigration. This time I didn’t speak the language and I was half asleep so I
answered everything incorrectly the first time. “why are you visiting? uhh
travel…uhh work.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“how long will you be
here?,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>until Monday. Wait no Thursday is
when I go to Costa Rica.” “what kind of work do you do? -y'all I just stood
there BIG EYED like I didn’t know- and said “human resources, yep human
resources.” I don’t know why they let me in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my precious students from last year volunteered to
pick me up at the airport at midnight basically. Poor girl. We traveled an
hour I think to the hotel. She was being so kind and asking me all kinds of
questions and I couldn’t think straight to answer. I just wanted a shower and a
bed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I get to the hotel and it’s HUMID as mess in my room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Look Georgia friends. I have forgotten how terrible humidity
is. We don’t have it in Angel Fire (PRAISE THE LORT.) So I was miserable. And
because I don’t speak the language I didn’t know if this contraption on the
wall was an A/C or just a heater. So I opened my windows thinking it’d be
great. Y'all – it WASN’T. I went to bed around 2am and they started
construction just outside my window around 9am. I was almost in tears. Pillow
and blankets over my head.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And maybe it was just my hotel but apparently Peruvians
don’t believe in washcloths. This girl wants a washcloth. Don’t give me a loofa
(idk how to spell that) or one of those net type things…I want a washcloth.
Also don’t give me shower gel. I want a BAR OF SOAP. I digress.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I slept through breakfast so I couldn’t get coffee. LAWD. So
I decided to take my hand towel and my tired self into the shower…yes hand
towel. That’s a miserable way to shower. I cried in the shower because the
hot water was going in and out. Then I got out and cried putting makeup on
because my eyelashes wouldn’t do right. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’all.
I needed coffee and a whole lotta Jesus.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Precious Edgar (the guy we work with who I just love) took
me to get coffee around noon. The rest of that day was good. We had lunch,
rested, went sightseeing and then went to dinner with Edgar, his gorgeous wife,
his son who might be cuter than G (don’t tell him I said that) and another
friend (that we work with in Peru.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next morning we got to take it easy before I went to
interview 24 students. They were absolutely adorable. I was cold. Who knew Peru
would be cold? So I was wearing yoga pants with an Angel Fire Resort golf shirt
and jacket. They, on the other hand, were dressed in their Sunday
best. I felt terrible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They all seemed nervous, except for the returning students.
I thought one kid might pass out. I made them all take a deep breath and told
them not to be scared! I wanted them to know & rest in the fact that I
wanted them in Angel Fire as much as they wanted to be there. Still…sweaty
palms, racing hearts and big-eyed students sat across from me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll say this now but I mean it about all the students from
both Peru and Costa Rica…they are brave. I am (almost but not quite, 2 months away,) 40 years
old and I was nervous in another country. But they are college students willing
to step out and go to another country…not for just 8 days but for 3 months.
Away from family, away from normal life, away from people who speak their
primary language. Incredible. Traveling over to meet them gave me even more
appreciation for what they do, for how hard (most of them ha!) work and the
amazing people that they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wish you could meet them all. I wish you could hear their
stories. Hear their reasons for coming to work at Angel Fire… I had several say,
“to help my parents financially.” Or “to pay my parents back for all they’ve
done for me.” Or “to make a better future for myself.” Y’all know I wanted to
hug every dang one of them and sometimes did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I fall in love with them immediately. Every.dang.time. I
always make notes when I’m interviewing them so that I can write them a
personal note before they arrive. I want them to know that I listened, cared
and remembered them. Last year we had less than 40 students. This year we hired
60. So my heart had to open up and make room.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ok back to the trip. Wednesday I worked on placing students
in specific jobs and watched Netflix.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thursday we flew to Costa Rica. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Edgar’s son, Noah, got sick in the cab. We were in the
airport parking lot when all of the sudden I heard this noise and thought….no
that’s not vomit. Oh it was like 5-6 times all over himself and his mom. It was
pitiful and only funny because of how fast the driver was trying to get
the windows down because he was about to lose his breakfast too. Bless it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Edgar let me take his first class seat. I acted like that
was normal life even though I’ve only done it a few times. Yes I want a hot
WASH CLOTH so wash my hands, yes I’ll take a steak for lunch, more coffee? Why
yes please. Fabulous.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That evening we got massages. PRAISE HIM. Some sweet guy that
massaged me hardly spoke English and I think I freaked him out. He stuttered
his way through the prep time, ha.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Friday and Saturday were filled with interviews. We had a
lot of Costa Ricans to meet. I also got to see students from last year. I cried
when they left angel fire in March so I was thrilled to see their sweet faces
again! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Two guys, Alex and Justin, arrived early so I got hang out
with them for at least 30-45 minutes. Delightful. Justin is going to be a
pilot. That was fun and interesting to learn about. Alex was hilarious – quick wit
and dry sense of humor. Two new favs. (the girls are going to love them too.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
PS – I just spilled coke zero all over myself and the guy
next to me on the plane. I shouldn’t be let out.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saturday was even more fun because after the interviews a
bunch of students from last year took Edgar and I out for sushi. Lord it was
delicious. There was college football on tv and I laughed and laughed and
laughed. I love making memories with these students and love laughing at old
ones.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Please watch the video of Pablo that I posted. He is
hilarious. I’ll miss him this season for sure.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sunday we met at 7am to drive two hours to the beach. I
think it is precious that 6 costa rican college students were willing to give
up and entire day to hang out with me. David made me laugh and kept me
entertained the entire ride. Andy kept falling asleep in the backseat but David
and I had a blast. I appreciate how easy he is to be around.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We stopped for breakfast. The coffee in CR is incredible. I
am brining home EIGHT BAGS. Granted most of them are gifts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then continued to drive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a beautiful drive. We arrived and did
a zip line. It was more like a roller coaster that you just hung onto. I
thought I was going to hit a tree a couple times. Loved it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we went to the beach with CRAZY monkeys and raccoons
that try to steal your things. Please explain how I am supposed to layout when
I think a monkey might steal my bag. I had a headache but tried to sit back and
pretend like I didn’t feel like my head might explode. I watched and listened
to these precious students laugh and live life. Mile buried Carlos in the sand
where he stayed for at least 45 minutes. Andy helped chase monkeys away from
our things and David and Karina ate fruit and looked like models. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all got up to take a picture together and no lie, got
knocked down by waves at least 3 times. Carlos basically saved my life twice.
The waves were insane. They finally made people get out of the water. More
funny memories with my friends. So many laughs.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We took pitiful showers before changing. I’ve never seen
that much sand in my swimsuit. Buckets. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then we ate lunch/dinner around 4:30 and headed back. We got
caught in several traffic jams and I almost cried. I was so sticky, sweaty and
ready for a shower. And I knew I had to get up at 3am for my flight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally went to sleep around 11. And woke up at 2:30am. One
of my new Costa Rican students is an uber driver so I asked him to pick me up.
He did. At 3:30am. What a guy! I loved getting to know him a little more during
our middle of the night trip across town. He is an incredible soccer player.
His oldest brother is a professional soccer player and has played in the past
couple (maybe several) world cups. So basically I’m friends with famous people.
Ha. Dylan is beyond precious and I am so excited for him to experience Angel
Fire. I would like for him to marry one of my nieces but I didn’t tell him
since we’d only met twice. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I left out A LOT of details but here I am. An hour and a
half into my first flight. I’ve managed to lose the little extra piece that
dang apple makes you have now to use headphones on your iphone. I’ve spilled coke
zero all over myself. And I’m sitting in the window seat and need to use the
bathroom. Awesome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-6517572815200573072018-07-02T13:02:00.000-07:002018-07-02T13:39:31.581-07:00y'all know meIt's July and it's not hot. I just wanted to say that. I am thankful that it isn't crazy hot and humid. I may miss some things about GA but summer ain't one of them.<br />
<br />
I thought I'd give a little Lesley update. Let's start with G since he is every one's favorite.<br />
<br />
That kid.<br />
<br />
He is so flippin' cute. Nothing about that kid gets old.<br />
<br />
He loves this NM life. He loves skiing. He told me this morning that he wishes he could do it everyday. He has a love/hate relationship with golf. Mostly love.<br />
<br />
He is enjoying horseback riding. Although the time before last he let go of the reigns and that sweet little guy was flopping all around on the horse and eventually fell off. I stayed calm. But my friend and I couldn't figure out how to get the gate open so I gave up and limbo-ed (made up that verb) through the gate to get to him. He was completely freaking out. But Marvin made him buck up and get right back on. He did. I was so proud.<br />
<br />
I probably wouldn't have gotten back on that fast. One time when I was like 15 my horse jumped on another horse and I FREAKED. I had to ride back the rest of the way with our guide. I was 15. Homeboy is 6 and got back on. Bless it.<br />
<br />
G is loving summer break and isn't pumped about school starting next month. So we don't bring that up.<br />
<br />
He still says things that wipe.me.out. Most of them I share on FB so I won't list them now. But this morning he took off running to the bathroom and came back in saying, "I showed that diarrhea who's boss." so there's that.<br />
<br />
<br />
Church is going really well. Gosh, we have the best core group of folks involved. I wish you could meet each one of them. They all bring so many gifts to the Village Church. Every one of them make me laugh and make doing life together super easy. I am so so so thankful.<br />
<br />
We are moving church to the park once a month this summer to join in our Cool Summer Night concert series. That has been a lot of fun. I love the concert series so (of course) I love getting to setup a VC booth and let people learn more about who we are. Last month we gave away a ton of Frisbees, water bottles with our logo on it, crosses one of our guys made and homemade goodies from one of our ladies. So much fun.<br />
<br />
Jay is doing an amazing job of leading VC. He does double duty with worship and teaching but does both really well. I won't lie. I was a tad nervous when I found out he'd be preaching because I'd only experienced him teaching youth (for the most part) and I thought...Lawd this is going to be interesting. But y'all he is bringing it every week. I am so proud.<br />
<br />
He is also playing at one of our restaurants here in town twice a week and at our RV resort once a week. Everyone is loving him. I am thankful people enjoy him like I do.<br />
<br />
And me....<br />
<br />
I sure do wish I could update everyone and let y'all know I'm doing "better than ever" but the truth is I am struggling again...<br />
<br />
I am doing a better job of fighting off the negative thoughts (most of the time) but I am struggling with self-image again.<br />
<br />
I promise it's not nearly as bad as when I lived in Columbus. It doesn't completely control my thoughts and attitude towards life. But those negative thoughts and self-talk have come creepin' back in.<br />
<br />
I.hate.it.<br />
<br />
I truly despise it. I hate that I let something as stupid as my pants size upset me. I hate that I care what I look like.<br />
<br />
I hate that I am embarrassed of my body. Poor thing - it works so hard. I still do workout really hard and love it. I just don't see the changes I wish I would.<br />
<br />
I haven't gotten to the point that I won't go places and do things. UGH. I remember that crappy life. And in the name of Jesus I am NOT going back there.<br />
<br />
So sadly I'm not completely living in the freedom that I once was. I do believe I will get back there though.<br />
<br />
I try to remind myself that I eat healthy and exercise so I can't get down on myself. It's not like I just lay around eating donuts all day. So I shouldn't beat myself up so much.<br />
<br />
I also try to remind myself that nobody else flippin' cares what I look like and nobody is judging me. But I have a hard time letting that sink in.<br />
<br />
Ugh, I'm so embarrassed to be confessing this old struggle again. But y'all know me. I tell all.<br />
<br />
In happier news - I LOVE my job. I absolutely love being "benefits and HR coordinator." I LOVE getting to plan the resort employee parties, I LOVE getting to spend time loving on our employees who work so dang hard 7 days a week. I LOVE getting to help people figure out their employee benefits both insurance (ok I don't LOVE it but I like it) and fun benefits.<br />
<br />
In other happier news -<br />
<br />
I am diggin' the new Ben Rector album. Listen to it.<br />
<br />
I have started working out with one of our golf pros several days a week. He's kicking my tail and I love it. It's the closest thing to Uncommon Athlete around here so y'all know I love it.<br />
<br />
I get to see my FAMILY next week. We all meet Sunday and I.can't.wait. Get those sweet girls and Vasa in my face NOW. I can't wait to hug my parents and laugh with Josh & Claire.<br />
<br />
Gosh, that will be good for my (weary) heart.<br />
<br />
53 days until college football. 51 until Thursday night games. BRING.IT.<br />
<br />
I have some fabulous friends in this town. I could not be more thankful. We laugh a lot. We are honest about parts of life that are hard. We play golf together (that's an experience.) We have fun parties and simply do life together. I am thankful.<br />
<br />
Don't hate me for struggling again. I'll "pull it together" as G put it when I asked him to pray about my self-image struggles.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-27249901394934792962018-06-05T10:32:00.001-07:002018-06-05T12:57:37.175-07:00everyone needs a Paul in their lifeI remember hearing about this new guy in town that was helping Jay with the youth group. All I knew was that he was in the army and his name was Paul.<br />
<br />
I asked Jay about him one day. He said "oh he's something else. Maybe a little to PTL for you but he's energetic for sure." PTL being Praise the Lord.<br />
<br />
That description was pretty spot on.<br />
<br />
Paul is loud. HILARIOUS. Full of joy. Full of life. Loves Jesus wholeheartedly. And is faithful.<br />
<br />
Faithful is for sure the word I would use to describe him.<br />
<br />
Here are some things I will always love and remember about Paul:<br />
<br />
He will always ask for extra ribs at country's bbq. And most times get it. Free.<br />
<br />
He has the best and funniest stories about time in Iraq. Only Paul could make you laugh about a war. And I mean laugh until you cry.<br />
<br />
He and I went to Carabba's often on Sunday afternoons and would sing LOUDLY along with Shane & Shane on the way. I still think of Paul every time I hear "Yearn."<br />
<br />
He would often be in Jay's apartment playing xbox when Jay would get home from work.<br />
<br />
He and I would make fun of Jay (often) when he would go for a run and arrive back in 10-15 mins.<br />
<br />
He was the most fun chaperone on youth trips....here's a few stories for you:<br />
<br />
One time at Souled Out Jay asked him to pray for him while he met/prayed with a student. So sweet Paul did just that. He sat outside on a bench and prayed hard. He kept praying and wondering why jay wasn't coming back. Finally about 3 am he went inside the cabin to see if Jay had come back. Yep, he'd been in bed since like 11pm. hahahahah poor Paul.<br />
<br />
It was almost always Pauls idea to order pizza or go out to eat somewhere nice while the kids were stuck eating nasty camp food.<br />
<br />
On a ski trip one time he stayed behind to help get the keys out of a church van Jay had locked the keys in while everyone else went skiing. If you've ever read my blog on skiing, you'll know I wish I'd stayed back with Paul. Bless it.<br />
<br />
We would go spelunking with the youth group and I remember being MISERABLE because it was cold in that stupid cave and Jay was snoring like a pissed off bear. I opened my eyes in misery and Paul was across from me miserable in his sleeping bag. We laughed... "nothing but a hoody and smile!" Right Paul??<br />
<br />
Side note - Jays head was too big to go through one of the things we were crawling through. HAHAHA he had to back out. Paul and I laughed so hard.<br />
<br />
I remember when Paul met his (now wife) Stefanie. I loved her from the start! She was perfect for Paul and perfect for our friendship.<br />
<br />
Not everyone was a big fan of Jay and I dating but Paul was! He almost made a bumper sticker that said "I'm with Jay and Kaci." HILARIOUS.<br />
<br />
The day Jay proposed to me Paul was standing in the street yelling "roll tide roll!" He also yelled that at our wedding reception several times.<br />
<br />
He's the reason we have the memory of a neighbor saying "soooorrrryyyy Pauuuul." Love it.<br />
<br />
Not all my memories of Paul are funny.... some are simply PRECIOUS.<br />
<br />
He and Stefanie drove a LONG WAY to come meet Gabe the day we picked him up. I'll never forget that night. Laughing, sharing stories and seeing our sweet friends hold our son. Love that memory.<br />
<br />
He also showed up the day before we left Columbus for Angel Fire. I could NOT believe it when he walked in my brothers house. We were all there to have lunch together and in walks Paul. Alllllll the way from Texas. What a precious gift.<br />
<br />
He was there (as he should be) with just our family as we ate, cried and prayed together. I remember sitting by Ava, Allie, Addison, Vasa WEEPING because I didn't want to leave them. I still weep at the thought of being away from them. Julianna too but she was across the table from me that day. I remember where EVERYONE was.<br />
<br />
Paul (and Stefanie) are the first people, along with family, that we text or call when we need prayer. I've never known a more faithful friend.<br />
<br />
He also watches Village Church every Friday night. What a sweet, sweet friend.<br />
<br />
I love Paul. I'm thankful God allowed ME to know this fun, loud, PTL guy.<br />
<br />
I wish everyone could know him. Or at least have someone like him in their lives.<br />
<br />
I love you sweet friend.<br />
<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-53816953028845360282018-04-04T09:14:00.000-07:002018-04-04T09:14:02.222-07:00so.many.emotions.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got a text from a friend on Sunday reminding me that this time last year we were both packing up our houses for a
cross country move. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh all the emotions came flooding back! I texted my mom and
told her I could still feel every emotion from that time. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember feeling afraid. Certain, but afraid. I knew we
were doing what God called us to. But that didn’t take away fear of the unknown.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
New Mexico? What in the world? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
EVERYTHING in my life was upside down. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I like everything in its place. My purse goes in the same
place every day when I get home, my boots are lined up in a specific order in
my closet. Only certain things are allowed on the kitchen counter, etc. Yes, I
am that girl.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I do have some grace for
Jay and G <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>
some.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But for over a month my house was a mess. Boxes, a million
to do lists, empty places where sold furniture used to sit. It was too much. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart was excited, afraid and sad.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was sad to leave my family. I’d never lived in a different
town than my immediate family. We are a super close family. I loved seeing my
mom almost daily and the rest of my family at least once a week. I loved
writing the girls & Vasa notes every week and dropping them off with Josh
at work. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart was sad for Gabe. Sad for him not to live in the
same town as his cousins. Sad that he had to leave all he’d ever known.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The emotions were so real. Sometimes I felt as empty as the
rooms with sold furniture. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How would I make friends? How would Gabe make friends? What
would I do without my running buddies? What would Jay do without Luke? What
would he do without his Tuesday lunch group?? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Too often I let those fears creep in instead of resting in
the promise that God would be with us. That He called us to this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It wasn’t alllllllll sadness and fear…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was excited for a new adventure! Excited for new
(beautiful) scenery. I was excited to start this church with the precious
people we’d met in Angel Fire.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember looking at the weather in Angel Fire often and
being so excited that I wouldn’t have a HOT, HUMID summer. I remember looking
at the house we were about to move into and being so ready to make it our own.
I remember emailing Gabe’s kindergarten teacher (still have those emails!) and asking a million questions
about what school would be like. I remember talking to Gabe about skiing and
all the new adventures we’d get to have! (all the while having a little sadness
in my heart.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Gosh, the last couple days in Columbus were so hard. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember WEEPING after leaving Uncommon Athlete for the
last time. Oh how I love that gym, the coaches and working out with Rich. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember WEEPING after saying bye to Luke, Hannah, Moses
and Elle as we sat in lawn chairs (HA!) in our living room the night before we
left. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember WEEPING saying bye to my running friends
especially Madison, Kami and Theresa. What would I do without our daily
conversations in the dark running around lakebottom!? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember getting ready for church the morning that we
would leave for NM. Oh I was a mess. I don’t even know why I attempted to put
on mascara. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I WEPT through worship. Especially when the band left the
stage and Jay sang his last song by himself. I remember making eye contact with
Tasha and falling apart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember playing with Ava and Allie’s hair in church
because I knew I’d miss being able to reach out and touch them.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember sitting by my mom yet seeing an entire row of my
family, including Uncle Teddy and Aunt Verlene (which meant the world to us.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember my dad baptizing a friend that morning and G
weeping to his Uncle Josh that HE wanted to be baptized. Which did happen…after
making sure he knew what he was doing my dad and Jay baptized him. What a
moment.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember Jonathan Payne and Chris Lockhart hanging around
until the VERY LAST MINUTE to say goodbye to Jay after church. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the Creswell’s staying with us until the last
minute. My heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the travel backpack the Creswell’s made for Gabe.
Something fun to open in every state we drove through. And a camera to document
it! Amazing friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember every detail about my family’s last lunch at Country’s
on Mercury before leaving. We sat at a long table along the far left side of
the restaurant. We shared some of the snacks Claire had bought for our trip. I
remember thinking “I can’t do this.” (ok now I’m crying….) </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember thinking
I can’t leave these people. I can’t NOT (yep double negative) live in the same
town as my PRECIOUS PRECIOUS family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
remember asking the Lord if we were REALLLLLLY doing the right thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That lunch was bittersweet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember our family coming over to give last hugs and help
us load into our cars. Those hugs were so hard and not nearly long enough. The
sadness was written on every face. (in case you’re wondering I am a HOT MESS
typing this.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
BUT in all of this…I also remember…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The faithfulness of Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The sweet promises He reminded us of as we drove further and
further away from all that we knew and loved.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember weeping and feeling Him hold me as I wiped tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the joy of watching Gabe open all his gifts from friends
and family. Mom and Aunt Verlene both sent one for him to open ONLY when we
arrived in Angel Fire. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember the peace He continued to give as we plowed
through state after state on our 21 hour drive.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I remember PRECIOUS friends standing in front of our house
in Angel Fire cheering as we drove up. Oh what a gift. What a sweet reminder
that we weren’t alone in this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I won’t go into every detail of our first few days and
months in Angel Fire. (it’s on an old blog if anyone cares <span style="font-family: Wingdings; mso-ascii-font-family: Calibri; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-char-type: symbol; mso-hansi-font-family: Calibri; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span>)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I will say I hope I never forget every memory, every
emotion, every thought, every fear, every precious detail of this journey. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I LOVE this place. I LOVE these people. I LOVE it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I HAVE made friends. AMAZING, fun, faithful friends. Gabe
has made lifelong friends that we cherish. The weather IS fabulous and the
scenery is like no other. Gabe does love skiing and is super excited to take up
golf. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not saying this life is perfect. I’m not saying I don’t
struggle. I’m far from perfect. But I am saying I’m no longer afraid. I’m no
longer sad. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our church is FABULOUS. The people are unbelievable. The
pastor & worship leader is pretty darn fabulous himself. We are 100% in the
right place. On good days and bad. And I couldn’t be more thankful. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-75591543363216854932018-03-04T10:14:00.000-08:002018-03-04T10:14:42.107-08:00this NM lifeI really do love living in the mountains. I LOVE the beauty. I appreciate the peacefulness. I appreciate nature (i've never been much of a nature girl!) I like the quiet. Living in a place like this really does calm my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
I've learned how to be still living here. I've learned how to be ok with quiet.<br />
<br />
In Georgia there was always somewhere to go and something to do. Or at least the option. Here we only have one grocery store, a family dollar, some locals shops and restaurants. That's it. Sure, we stay busy with normal life and spending time with friends but we don't create busyness by running to this place and that store just for the heck of it.<br />
<br />
I like the relaxed feel of Angel Fire. It probably helps that it's a place people come to retire or vacation, ha.<br />
<br />
I love Gabe's school. It is truly a family atmosphere. I think the teachers are outstanding. The students seem to know it's a safe place and seem to know they are loved (not just taught.)<br />
<br />
The classes are relatively small which is cool. The rooms are nicely decorated creating a peaceful place to learn.<br />
<br />
They have encore on Thursday afternoons. G LOVES encore. Two weeks ago I wanted to leave early because I had a headache but it would mean G would have to miss encore...that kid said NO to leaving early. I'm sorry, what?! What kid doesn't want to leave school??<br />
<br />
Encore is when students mix up by age and go to a class for something different. They rotate teachers every week. I am not explaining this well. Bottom line, they get to hang out with a different group of students and do something fun with a different teacher. I know one teacher focuses on science stuff for her encore, one does music/drama type things, and the others vary theirs. But the kids LOVE it.<br />
<br />
I can't lie. I do too. I try to go to a different encore every week. Mainly so I can see what the teacher is doing and so I can be with a different group of students.<br />
<br />
This last week I went to Mr Peppers encore. They are working on a play that the K-2 students are writing so he began with helping the students learn about being an actor/actress. I can't remember the whole "chant" they did but it was cool. Let me see what I can remember... voice, listen, concentration, cooperation and self control. I probably left something out. They have motions for each so that if someone is getting out of hand during their play practice all he has to do is motion to them instead of calling them out or interrupting practice. Brilliant!<br />
<br />
Then they played a fun game where they learned to do improv. So cute to watch! He'd say "take a picture of me" and the kids would find him somewhere in the room and pretend to take his picture. That would get them quiet and looking at him. Then he'd give them something to act out. Y'all. They were adorable. He went in every direction from being a snake, to driving a race car, to being an HR person firing an employee...ha. It was so fun to watch.<br />
<br />
I just loved it. I am so excited to see the play the students are writing. I got to hear a little about the story from Gabe. I think it is going to be adorable. Jay may help put the music part together. That'll be fun.<br />
<br />
I don't know why I just wrote about all that except to say I think this school is different and special. The atmosphere is structured yet relaxed. I appreciate that.<br />
<br />
Gabe has loved being on the ski team. He skis every Monday from 9-3. (school is Tuesday - Friday.) He has enjoyed learning a lot about skiing and making new friends. He would ski every day if we let him. He is ADORABLE coming down that big ol mountain with his tiny self. I wish everyone could see it. I think he'll continue to do ski team and undoubtedly get involved in competitions in the future.<br />
<br />
He'll start golf team/lessons in May. That will be adorable as well.<br />
<br />
He has made some really special friends here and we are so so so thankful. Leaving family was hard on all of us but of course we worried most about G. But God has been so very faithful to fill his life with precious, life-long friends. He asks me often if we're going to move again and quickly follows it up with "I hope not!" Me too buddy. I do love this life.<br />
<br />
Jay stays busy with Village Church. He has done a fabulous job of planting this church. He hasn't rushing into anything. I'm probably not as much help as I should be because of work but I try!<br />
<br />
We've grown from 8 people in our living room to anywhere from 30-50ish on a Friday night. I know for most of you that sounds pitiful but in Angel Fire that's legit!<br />
<br />
God has shown up in every detail of this church plant. He has given us a core group of people that are starting this church out on a strong foundation. I am amazed. I wish you could meet each of them. They are unbelievable.<br />
<br />
God has done some super cool stuff for Village Church. From a random, nice leather couch just showing up (nobody knows from where) to people donating chairs for us to sit in, to Jays friend from college making our offering/communication boxes out of reclaimed wood, to people donating time and energy to clean/renovate, to precious visions that God has given people for our church (that are truly encouraging!), to angels joining us in worship. Legit.<br />
<br />
We have already seen God answer promises that He gave us before we moved. Here's one of my favorites...<br />
<br />
When we visited last winter, Jay forgot his prescription meds. So we had them called in to the local pharmacy. We went in to pick it up and I KNEW God was telling me the pharmacist was going to be part of our church. I had no clue if he loved Jesus...no clue if he would even consider going to church but I knew he would be one of the reasons we moved to AF.<br />
<br />
I didn't move here and bust into the pharmacy on day one and invite the pharmacist to church. Not at all. I didn't feel like it was anything I had to do...God would.<br />
<br />
(I was excited to see his son was in Gabe's class! That made me smile.)<br />
<br />
I met his girlfriend soon after arriving and absolutely adored her! I mean, y'all, this girl is hilarious and so much fun. She makes my heart happy.<br />
<br />
We had them over to our house for a party or two and again just fell in love with them. Such gentle, fun, loving and engaging friends.<br />
<br />But I never pushed our church.<br />
<br />
Then several weeks ago they came on a Friday night. I was so nervous that they would hate it. ha! Lots of faith I had in that moment, huh?!<br />
<br />
LONG story short, last week we had a time of sharing at the end of the service and they announced that they had found their church home!!!!!!!! y'all!!! that precious vision that God gave me on a random trip the pharmacy had come to fruition. My heart just leaped!<br />
<br />
I could share so many stories like this but I'll stop for now. Mainly because I don't think this blog makes much sense.<br />
<br />
Did I mention I'm highly drugged because of a sinus infection? I am.<br />
<br />
I'll write down the stories of God's faithfulness and do an entire blog on it. Next time!<br />
<br />
I love being a NEW new Mexican. I can't believe we've already been here 9 months. What a wild, fun ride it has been!!!!!!<br />
<br />
God is good y'all. If He is calling you to do something out of the box...do it! He is too much fun.<br />
<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-56395792870810738042018-02-05T10:13:00.001-08:002018-02-05T10:13:13.393-08:00a few G quotes for entertainment<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">G quotes for your enjoyment<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Age 4:<br />
“mom, your hair looks great but mine looks better.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“do king snakes only bite
kings?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">he walked into the playroom
at chick-fil-a and said “what’s up ladies?” (I may have prompted that.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Words he used in sentence at
age 4: similar, hollow, exoskeleton, intelligent, replicate and extraordinary.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">At age 4 he asked me what I
wanted for Christmas. That sweet heart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“son of a nutcracker!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">age 2 & 3:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jay and I were talking to him about his
obedience and he said “all of this talking makes me boring.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">he asked jay "whatcha doin' brotha?"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">because our neighbors called jay "mr. jay" when they all played in our backyard. G would refer to any man as "mr. jay" in our backyard.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" /><span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">he called pancakes “tantakes.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">guitar = "tar"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">when retelling David & Goliath he would call it a "wing shot" and end it with "the giant berry, berry died."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">"i love you infinity square, square." followed by "i love you more, i win!"</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">when asking for grilled chicken he would say "i only like chicken without crumbs."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">names for family "umple josh, aunt pwaire (claire), big dd (allie), little dd, and juwanna."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 21.3333px;">G asked for something in the car and i said "can you say please?" His response..."can you say waffle house because I love it, love it, love it." </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“when dad gets home I’m going
to rough him up and make him cry like a girl.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“watch your words, watch your
words.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He called chick-fil-a
“chick-a-play” for years<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“mom just watching you workout
makes me tired.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He saw the pope on tv and
said “I want to drive God’s truck.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“I get madder than the hulk
when another kids scores in soccer.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I lit a candle and he said
“mom I like your jar of fire.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">At age 2 he and his friend
didn’t say good morning at school…they lifted up their shirts and did a chest
bump.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“tiss” – kiss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">he would come in our room at
age 2 and say “hey mom, it’s me gabe.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He asked jay if his legs had
a beard. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He saw a picture of the
Titanic and said “the boat is doing a wheelie!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He called dunkin donuts
“dumsy donuts.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He was riding his balance
bike saying “that’s how I roll up in here!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He woke up and said “I had a
rough night.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I didn’t get to his crib fast
enough and he yelled “I’m trying to wake up Taci!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(kaci.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Playing with an ipad he said
“I’m frustrated with my email.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">I asked G for a hug and he
said “sure, want to talk about it?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">He called the smoke detector
a “smoke etecor.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">White butter = butter, black
butter = syrup<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Saw something on tv and said
“this is ridiculous.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 16.0pt;">“sometimes me do, sometimes
me don't”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-27593432740339169172017-10-16T16:13:00.002-07:002017-10-16T16:13:26.193-07:00Lil update on us, Village Church and moreI just told Jay how much I love it here. I recently posted a blog about what the Lord has done in my heart here. I'm still not over it. My heart & mind feel as fresh as the mountain air. CHEESY but so very true and my heart is full.<br />
<br />
God has blown us away with His faithfulness. He is everywhere. He amazes me daily, hourly.<br />
<br />
He has helped Gabe's heart go from "I'm never leaving Columbus." back in May to "I hope we never leave Angel Fire, ever." I feel ya kid. I feel ya.<br />
<br />
Here's a few stories I wish I could tell each of you over coffee...<br />
<br />
One Friday night, a month ago or so, we made coffee and put out some snacks in preparation for our weekly service. (Still being held at our house for three more weeks!) We had a rather small group that night I think there may have been 10 of us. We began like any other night - in worship.<br />
<br />
We began singing our last song and I kid you not it sounded like there were 200+ people singing with us. At first I thought it might be something playing on the computer I was holding. (I'm the tech girl. That should make EVERYONE laugh and fear for our church.)<br />
<br />
Then I noticed Jay was weeping. Y'all know me. I'm the simplest Christian you will ever meet but...without a doubt I knew what was happening..... ANGELS.<br />
<br />
We continued singing with what sounded like Christ Community on a Sunday morning instead of our living room with 10 people.<br />
<br />
ANGELS y'all. I'll never forget it.<br />
<br />
After we finished we just all just sat in awe. Then Jay said "do you realize we just sang with the Angels? That could mean one of two things, or both. Either they were coming to protect us from something the enemy was planning against us OR they wanted to join in with what we are doing tonight and in this village." I think BOTH! Come on Jesus.<br />
<br />
It was truly an amazing moment that I hope everyone can experience this side of Heaven.<br />
<br />
Another way He has been faithful is with opening up doors for us to reach out and love on people. We saw a waitress crying one day. She never came towards our table for us to pray over her but we prayed for her without her knowing. When we went back a week or so later she came over to speak and we told her we'd been praying for her. She wrote us a long note telling us what was going on in her life so now we get to pray for that specific need. (I did write her back too)<br />
<br />
We've also been renovating the church building. Eww. One night in the POURING RAIN we all scrubbed bathrooms, pulled up carpet and did other cleaning jobs. The folks that came worked HARD. In the dark (we had very little light) doing grunt work. One friend who came is a leader in another church in town. He'd been up since 3:30am and he had to be up at 3:30am the next morning. He still came. What a guy.<br />
<br />
We didn't finish all of the work that night because it was a lot. (sweet jay thought we would...) So Jay called the boys home in Eagle Nest to hire some guys to help. These guys have all had hard lives. They've been in jail/prison and this is their half-way house (more or less) before rejoining the real world.<br />
<br />
The first day these two guys showed up. Jay befriended them fairly quickly and towards the end of the day got them talking/sharing about their lives. Neither had grown up in a healthy environment. Jay asked them at one point if they knew the last time they'd sat down and had dinner with a family, any family, not just their own. They both responded at least 5 years ago.<br />
<br />
Jay said something in him broke hearing that. So he said "well, we'll have to have you guys over for dinner with our family some time."<br />
<br />
We've since had 4 or more other guys come work with Jay. All sharing the same life story.<br />
<br />
I went by one afternoon last week to pay the two guys that were finishing their work day. I talked to one for a while about skiing, how beautiful Angel Fire is and what the building was they were working on, etc. They weren't scary guys but you could tell they'd had a hard life and had done some "not so christian" things...<br />
<br />
As I was getting in my car one of the guys yelled "hey, are you that wife that wants to have us over for dinner?" Y'all, he went from looking like a punk we might hide our purse from to a 5 year old little boy in that moment. He looked like a precious child asking to have a family, even for a night.<br />
<br />
I smiled a BIG OLE smile and said, "Yes! Absolutely I want to and look forward to it."<br />
<br />
Only God.<br />
<br />
He has put some amazing friends in our lives who know and love the Lord. We are so thankful. My friend Kelly told me when we moved here that "to make it in a small town you have to throw yourself out there and get involved." So I have! I've hosted parties at my house and am in the middle of planning a Friendsgiving. I've joined PTA and started volunteering at G's school. I have met precious people at church and at work.<br />
<br />
It's been so sweet.<br />
<br />
One last story about God's fun ideas. When we were still praying/considering this move last fall Jay called a NM pastor in a nearby town Red River. Jay told him what we were thinking and asked about the culture here, etc. The pastor, Ed, explained all that and they probably talked 30-45 mins. Then Ed said, "I don't know how you'd feel about this but God works in mysterious ways...We'll be looking for a worship pastor next Fall. Maybe you can fill that role." (i'm paraphrasing b/c it's been a year.)<br />
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Well, in July Jay started helping with worship at Faith Mountain in Red River on Sundays and yesterday took the worship pastor role (at least for a year.) It is the sweetest, friendliest church! We love being involved over there and love how God has used that job to provide for our family.<br />
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He just thinks of everything.<br />
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He has given us friends who don't know him that we can pray for and hopefully show them Christ.<br />
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I could go on and on about how wonderful God has been to us. But you are probably tired of reading.<br />
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I shared this song on FB a while back (i'm not much for sharing songs) but this one has carried me through packing up my house in Georgia to putting myself out there in a tiny town in NM.<br />
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He is so good. And "not for a moment will He forsake me." Or you.<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjVLkmLL6DY">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BjVLkmLL6DY</a>kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-26466044786595517842017-09-24T17:32:00.001-07:002017-09-24T17:32:39.736-07:00Realizing more & more about this move...It's been just over 4 months since we left GA. I can't even begin to tell you all that these 4 months have brought. But I'm going to try...<br />
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Leaving Columbus was hard. Leaving family was the worst. I'll never forget that last Sunday with my family. I'll never forget weeping through church sitting next to my family thinking "I can't leave them." I'll never forget crying...let's be honest...weeping the entire time I drove that Sunday afternoon. I cried most of Monday as well. (I'm crying now just typing about it.) I knew I loved my family but the thought of not seeing them at least once a week broke me hard. </div>
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The first several weeks I cried every Saturday evening. I don't know what it was about Saturdays but I fell apart. I missed my family. I wanted to be able to see them at church the next morning. I missed my church family, my running buddies, my neighbors...I missed "normal" life. </div>
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But as the weeks went on the Lord began to calm my heart. He kept reminding me that this is where He had called us to. He literally reminded me every day I walked in our house and saw the painting from my friend Ashley that says "Don't dig up in doubt what you planted in faith." - Elisabeth Elliot<br />
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He reminded me over & over in the faces of the people here. </div>
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Lately, I've started to notice something else He's done in this move. At first I thought it was just a by-product but I'm sensing it was part of His plan all along...<br />
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(Disclaimer: All that I am about to explain was a KACI problem not a Columbus problem.)</div>
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I'm FREE here. It's a beautiful freedom that I've longed for. </div>
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This may sound silly to some but this move has helped me <b>be myself again</b>. </div>
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In Columbus I'd gotten way too focused on myself. We all know I was too focused on my weight/appearance. I'd let the devil tell me I wasn't enough: pretty enough, popular enough, rich enough, thin enough, etc. I'd listened and believed those lies. </div>
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Moving here has given me freedom from all of those things for lots of reasons. Some make me laugh. </div>
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First of all, nobody here knows that I used to weigh 30 lbs less than I do now so to them I'm "just Kaci." Now, I'm sure to people in Columbus I was "just Kaci" too but I was so ashamed of myself and so self-centered I couldn't see the truth. The devil had me convinced my worth was wrapped up in how skinny I could be when in reality that didn't matter and certainly had NOTHING to do with the Kingdom of God. </div>
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(also I was gross skinny and looked like a drug addict so even though 30lbs may have been a TAD much it's still better than looking and being hungry.) </div>
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Secondly, I had convinced myself that I wasn't "cool" enough or beautiful/perfect enough, wealthy enough or junior league (nothing wrong with it!) enough so I should just hunker down in my own little world and never branch out. So stupid.<br />
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I was stuck in a RUT in so many ways. I thought I HAD to run at least 4 miles every morning and do Uncommon Athlete at least 5 days. I had the same daily routine. I had the same fears, anxieties, and unworthy feelings every.day. yuck.<br />
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Here I have taken my eyes off of myself. I've quit caring who seems to "have it all together" or has status (probably helps that I simply don't know) and I've just been myself. I've reached out. I've started conversations with people that I don't know and felt free to do it.<br />
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Taking my eyes off of myself has allowed me to LOVE other people well. I did that some in Columbus but often found myself too intimidated to reach out to people that I felt a nudge to.<br />
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I'm determined (with the help of Jesus) to love, encourage and reach out to whoever He tells me to in Angel Fire. Trust me...He's already called me out of my comfort zone but I'm going for it.<br />
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Last night I had a house full of friends and kids. And I LOVED every minute. I wasn't thinking about how chunky I felt, how much more beautiful the other girls were than me (and they are!), or how much smarter or successful the others were. I just laughed. I just talked, listened and had fun.<br />
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That is such freedom for me.<br />
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I did almost announce around at one point that "they didn't have to leave but I was about to take my pants off!" That's how I always got our community group to end on time.<br />
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I love this place. I love this life. I love the sweet friends that God has put in our lives. I love my job. I love the people I work with. I love our church. I love the school that Gabe attends and the staff that works there. I love that God has called me out of my comfort zone in every way.<br />
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PS - I do miss my family. I still cry bc I miss them. And I won't see them again until MARCH...y'all. I can't.<br />
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But He is so faithful.<br />
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I was miserable and stuck the last couple years in Columbus. Of course I had joy because of Him but I felt stuck in my self-centered world and I hated it.<br />
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Who knew a cross country move would FREE me? Who would've thought it would free my heart to be and do what He has called me to do? He is so creative. He is so exciting and full of surprises.<br />
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Lord help me to stay in this sweet place of freedom so that I can keep my eyes on You and the people that You love and have called me to love in this beautiful place.<br />
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A sweet friend sent me this a couple weeks ago and it couldn't be more true...<br />
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So now I will pack up my life and trade all this beautiful certainty for beautiful uncertainty. And I know God will meet me there in the middle of the questions with answers in His perfect timing, in His perfect way. Because that's what He does. That's what it's all about...this simple thing. This surrendering thing. This walking with Him thing.<br />
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The <strike>End</strike> Beginning.<br />
<br />
Mandy Hale, #BeautifulUncertainty<br />
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kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-79785825698539579112017-07-11T10:41:00.002-07:002017-07-11T10:41:34.213-07:00our first church meeting!Wow, it has definitely been a whirlwind since I lost posted. We are still loving this Angel Fire life. I won't lie...I do get homesick often (ok sometimes daily) but I am sure we are right where we are supposed to be.<br />
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The past several weeks have been so much fun. First my brother, his wife and 5 kids arrived. Y'all. I could hardly contain myself the morning of their arrival. I told Jay I was tempted to drive towards them just so I could see them faster. We had so much fun together. We ALLLLLLLL stayed at our house which was extra fun! People, stuff, food, clothes, etc everywhere and I loved every minute of it. We had one snag in the trip when G got crazy sick. I mean temp of 104, saying things that didn't make any sense and shaking uncontrollably. The timing made me question God but I know it was His timing because Josh & Claire were here to calm me down, pray with us and keep our spirits up.<br />
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I won't go into details of all that we did but it was a good time! I was sad to see them go but knew I'd see them again in a week so I didn't cry...too hard.<br />
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A few days later the three of us headed to Albuquerque to pick up Hannah and Elle! They flew here while Luke rode Jay's motorcycle. (that is a good friend!) We, of course, had a blast with the Smiths. We missed Moses but look forward to him coming next time! (with Potch and Annie we hope!) It was surreal to have our best friends in Angel Fire! What a fun weekend. Yes, I cried when they left.<br />
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The Saturday they were here G and I left to go get Allie and meet the Dunlaps for lunch. Again I was sooooooo excited to see them! I got to hear about their awesome week at Trail West (YL family camp) and bring Allie home with me to stay for another 10 days!<br />
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I won't lie. I cried HARD for 30 minutes after leaving the Dunlaps. It was hard to say goodbye because I'm not sure when I'll see them again. Maybe not til November. Lord help me.<br />
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Allie brought back some nasty virus with her. I tried to take care of her while waiting on my parents to arrive. I'm not good with sick people. Apparently I helped her too much because the next night I got SICK AS A DOG. Y'all. It was coming out in every direction for 12 hours at least. I slept and puked, slept and puked. AWFUL.<br />
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Finally I came back to life (kind of) on the 4th of July. So we went to the parade in Eagle Nest, lunch and had some fun that day. The rest of the time my parents were here was a blast! We went to Taos, Eagle Nest, Red River, Cimarron and of course spent time in Angel Fire. I loved loved loved having my parents and Allie for a solid week. I hated to see them leave. But I hope my parents will come back with my Aunt & Uncle in September.<br />
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Sunday was Jay's birthday. We were kinda lazy. Had lunch out and then laid around a lot. Jay was going to ride his motorcycle that evening but it rained so we just watched TV, napped and ate supper together. It was sweet, quiet and perfect.<br />
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This week we've been trying to get back into the swing of things. Jay's been talking and meeting with contractors for weeks now. We think we finally have a bid that we're comfortable with. Hopefully before the end of the month renovations will begin at the Village Church!<br />
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PS - we may try to do some work ourselves. SOOOOOOO if you have some skills, some time on your hands and want to come out and help some we'll make sure you have a place to stay and food to eat!!!!! It's NOT HOT here :) Just text or call us if you're interested in helping. We hope to get a team together rather quickly. Jodie Creswell is another person you can contact. (thanks Jodie)<br />
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We will have our first church service this coming Friday!! We are so excited. We haven't posted on FB about it because we want our first month or so to be our core group who will help us set our mission statement, values, goals, etc. We plan to meet at 6pm and begin worship at 6:30pm with prayer to follow. Please pray for our night! We are asking the Holy Spirit to go before us and guide us. We want HIS will to be done at the Village Church. We have open hands, minds and hearts moving forward. We want desperately to reach this village for Him.<br />
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Thank YOU so much to those who have written notes and sent money. We are beyond thankful and feel blessed to have people walk alongside us. We cannot do this without support of friends and family.<br />
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Few other things you can pray for:<br />
-Jay hopes to sell his sequoia and get something 4 wheel drive. Pray that happens!<br />
-G will start kindergarten in a month or so. AHH, pray for him and us!<br />
-I'm trying to find a part time job. Jobs around here don't pay much so who knows if it'll help much but I'm looking anyway. Pray for wisdom! I want to be super involved in Gs life & school so this job stuff is tricky!<br />
-Pray for our homesick hearts.<br />
-Pray for the people of Angel Fire to be open to what God is wanting to do here.<br />
-Pray that we will continue to see the people of Angel Fire the way God does.<br />
-Pray for us when cold weather hits hahahaha.<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-34956602524318734372017-06-19T16:00:00.002-07:002017-06-19T16:00:15.235-07:00one month in and i'm overwhelmed (in a good way)Tomorrow will be our 4th week in Angel Fire. We are still trying to find a routine and settling in but it definitely feels right. It feels like home.<br />
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If God told me today that I could move back to Columbus if I wanted to I would say no. I'd ask Him to send my family HERE (ha!) but I would say no to leaving. Here's why:<br />
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Life here is much slower. Could be because there's not really anywhere to go (haha) but it is such a gift to our family. We aren't in a hurry.<br />
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People here are kind. They aren't in a hurry either so they take the time to say hello and introduce themselves.<br />
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The mountains are GORGEOUS.<br />
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The lake near is house is beautiful and such a peaceful place to run in the morning. Deer and Elk all around. (Bears too apparently. Thankfully I haven't seen one.)<br />
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the crime rate is like 0.<br />
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I love watching mountain bikers ride down the mountain. I can't get over the fact that they do that.<br />
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I posted randomly on the Angel Fire "better than the post office" site that I was looking for a running buddy (because, there are BEARS.) And ended up with two running friends and a hiking friend. Try that in Columbus...<br />
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Gabe has made PRECIOUS friends that I believe will be life-long.<br />
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God is definitely working in this village and we are honored to be a small part of His work.<br />
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We met with the church that meets in the same strip mall that we are meeting in and they asked how they could help us! They weren't the least bit grumpy that we were coming to start a church.<br />
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The people here are not pretentious. I'm not saying everyone in Columbus is (by no means!) but seriously, NO ONE here is. That is so refreshing to my low-maintenance self.<br />
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we have a Friday night concert series like Columbus! except you may need a blanket. they have music, face painting for kids, etc. so fun.<br />
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we have market days too!<br />
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people are always outside (during the summer) riding bikes, hiking, picnicking, playing golf and tennis. i LOVE it.<br />
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i played golf last week and LOVED it!<br />
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Funny things about life here:<br />
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in Columbus our Internet speed was 60 mbps. Here it's 1mbps.<br />
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the closest big grocery store (we have one small one) is a 40 ish minute drive away<br />
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a lot of restaurants/coffee shops are closed by 4pm at the latest.<br />
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family dollar is our wal-mart.<br />
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everything is within 2.5 miles of our house<br />
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very few people have A/C (including us)<br />
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kids only go to school tuesday - friday<br />
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G will have 9 kids in his kindergarten class<br />
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Gs school has horses and a green house type area.<br />
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the sun rises before 5:30am. that's just wrong. and in the winter it's dark by 5pm. I will be wearing PJs by 5pm like no body's business<br />
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there are prairie dogs EVERYWHERE<br />
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RVs are everywhere too.<br />
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I love this village. I love the charm. I love the people. I know there will be tough days (just like any place) but I can't help but love Angel Fire.<br />
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We've made really precious friends that we adore. Fran has taken me under her wing and helped me feel right at home. Of course Lisa has too. And Kimberly. And Margie. And Fe. And Margarita. And Mary Ann. And Mary. Gosh, I could name so many...<br />
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Jay has also made great friends. He makes friends so easily. He's so lovable. (Ben, James, Trinity, David & Eddie to name a few.)<br />
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I am beyond excited to see what God is going to do here. He has given us a vision. Isaiah 61 is our hope, our goal and what we believe He desires.<br />
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We are going to start inviting people into our home to meet on Saturday nights in July. Please pray that this time will be sweet, real and purposeful. We want to gather what we feel like will be our core group and our leadership to help make decisions about our church.<br />
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We hope to meet together for worship, prayer, teaching (and of course food) and begin stating our vision and mission statement. We pray that this group will grow together and commit to helping the Village church flourish. Of course God will ultimately do that but we understand our job and the need to have godly people working alongside us.<br />
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We are excited, terrified and fired up for this opportunity. We covet your prayers!!!!!<br />
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We're working on our website and online giving so stay tuned! Go like our FB page if you haven't already. @villagechurchnm<br />
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We hope to start doing outreach in the community soon as well. We're planning to make gift bags for resort employees (with water, chapstick, sunscreen, etc.)<br />
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We may even put matchbooks in the bars/restaurants with our logo.<br />
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Feel free to send outreach ideas our way. We want to love this village to Jesus.<br />
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Thanks for loving us and caring about this journey.<br />
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<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-59489020396070990032017-05-31T09:46:00.000-07:002017-05-31T09:46:54.346-07:00one week in Angel Fire<div class="MsoNormal">
Well here we are. We’ve been in Angel Fire a week now. It is
definitely a different life! Thankfully, it is starting to feel like home. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Let’s back up to just before we left Columbus…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Thursday before we left Jay’s motorcycle riding buddies,
Jodie Creswell and Lee McBride set up a benefit for us. What a fun night! It
was hard to hold in tears as so many friends that we love with all of our
hearts lead us in songs from Jay’s life (different bands, etc.) and ended the
night in sweet, sweet worship. It was so sweet. The amazing people in
attendance raised over $12,000 for our church in Angel Fire. We were blown
away.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We were also blown away when a few minutes into the night
Jay’s precious parents walked in!!! They surprised us! I can’t believe my mom kept
that quiet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We had so much fun spending
a few days with them. My mom, Jay’s mom and I laughed A LOT while packing up
boxes in my chaotic house. Janice took the funniest picture of my mom drenched
in sweat with hair standing up everywhere. Those moments will forever stay with
me. What a sweet memory.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That Saturday morning around 15 friends came to help us load
the uhaul. Again, memories I’ll never forget. So many laughs. I’ll never forget
Jonathan Payne & Theresa Robertson’s face when we rounded the corner with a
lawnmower after they had carefully loaded (tetris style) our uhual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Too funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>We will forever be grateful for friends who were willing to get up early
on a Saturday and do the job that everyone dreads being asked to do.<o:p></o:p></div>
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That afternoon my family all met for lunch at my brothers
house. By that time my precious Aunt and Uncle from Florida had arrived. They
love Jay like a son (and of course love me, ha!) so they wanted to come for
Jay’s last Sunday at CCC. We gathered and enjoyed delicious food my parents had
prepared. While I was making Jay a plate Paul Benitez from Texas walked in. I
literally screamed! He’s been a precious friend to Jay and I for years. Talk
about HILARIOUS memories….So many in my life involve Paul! Oh what a gift to
have him come!<o:p></o:p></div>
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I remember sitting at lunch next to Allie, Ava and Addison
trying to hold it together. Knowing my time with them was coming to a close…oh
I cry now thinking about it. I remember wanting to just hold them (but knowing
that would freak them out hahaha.) Julianna was chatting it up with Jonathan
and making us laugh. Vasa and Gabe were being loud playing video games…every
memory etched in my mind. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After lunch we sat around the table and prayed. That was it.
I was a goner. I wept like a fool all the while trying to keep my makeup
somewhat decent for the wedding I was about to attend!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We praised God for all He’s done, family
prayed for safety, comfort and peace for us all. I don’t think any adult walked
away without tears.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Fast forward to that evening. Luke, Hannah, Moses and Elle
came over. They brought lawn chairs (since we had zero furniture!) and a gift
basket from the Newcomers and Smiths. Again, precious memories. Gabe opened a
hot wheel named “Mo mo” and said, “Moses, this car will always make me remember
you.” Well, Hannah and I were a hot mess. I couldn’t even say bye to Luke and
Hannah. I just hugged them and walked away. (I’m crying again now.) Moses gave
me a hug and said “I love you aunt Taci.” Lord help me. I went to my room and
WEPT…SOBBED for at least 30 minutes. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The next morning I met Kami and Theresa for one last run. I
can’t even put that time into words. Those sweet girls have walked through so
much of life with me. We have laughed, prayed, cried and shared so much life. I
know we will continue to but oh how my heart aches for morning runs with them.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Then I got myself and G ready for church. We went to both
services that day since it was our last. I lasted about 30 minutes before I
lost it. Jay lead worship with the band for the first 4 songs. Then he lead the
last two songs by himself. That’s when I lost it. I just love him. I love his
heart for God, worship, people and in general. He is such a good man. So I
wept. Then HE started crying as he finished leading and began to share about
our next steps. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I cried. Then I saw that Ava, Allie and Addison were crying.
That completely killed me. They love Jay and he loves them. The relationship
they share is absolutely precious. I know that won’t change but it’s hard not
to see them regularly! Jay already said how he will miss them coming to talk to
him after church every Sunday. <o:p></o:p></div>
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After the first service my dad baptized a friend. Gabe fell
apart. He’d been asking for a month or so to be baptized. My brother sat down
with him and asked him questions about his heart, faith and about serving
Jesus. Long story short, my dad and Jay baptized G right then and there. Again,
I LOST IT.<o:p></o:p></div>
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After church we met my family for lunch at Country’s. I
tried to soak in every moment. I didn’t want that time to end. I can’t talk
much about it because I can’t see to type.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We left there, loaded the Uhaul and headed out of town. LOTS
of funny things happened during that time and lots of tears as well.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We only drove 3.5 hours that afternoon because we were
(obviously) exhausted in every way possible. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The next two days were driving days. We still had fun. Jay
and I called each other about 20 times a day. We missed each other driving in
different cars.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We arrived on Tuesday late afternoon to sweet cheers (and
homemade cookies & dinner) from some PRECIOUS friends. They helped us
unload cars and light our pilot light on the hot water heater. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I won’t go into all the packing and unpacking details but it
was A LOT of work. Sweet Sarah, Mundo (who is tough as nails) and Fran helped
us get our house put together. We are forever thankful for their help. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We’ve settled into somewhat of a routine. I have only cried
twice. I cried writing this and I lost it Saturday night. I wanted my family. I
wanted “normal life.” I asked God what I had done!!! Sitting out here in the
woods without family!??! What in the world. I cried for about 30 mins and then
felt better.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Got up the next morning and went for a run. (which is SO
HARD at 8406’ altitude) I asked the Lord to forgive me for questioning our call
and thanked Him for allowing me to be honest and cry when I need to!<o:p></o:p></div>
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We got ready and headed to church in Red River. God answered
our prayer and gave Gabe a sweet friend named Thomas. We have a play date
tomorrow. I am so so so thankful. <o:p></o:p></div>
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We went to lunch with friends. That time was so good for my
heart. The food was delicious. It’s one of my favorite places in Taos. The
company was just what my heart needed. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
That afternoon the Dumlar’s drove down from Colorado Springs
to visit. Again, a sweet reminder that God sees us and knows what we need. They
stayed for several hours, we ate pizza and they prayed over us. That time was
PRECIOUS and again good for my heart. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We had a wonderful Memorial Day with friends as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday we went to look at the building we plan to make
our church. It made my heart excited for our future!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God has been faithful. We’ve been able to spend time
relaxing with friends, worshipping with friends and in sweet prayer time with
friends. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is hard. I won’t lie. This village is TINY. There’s not
much to do. But God’s presence is evident. We KNOW we are right where He wants
us to be. We recognize that it’s not going to be easy but obedience is always
worth it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Few other things about this new life:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-The weather is fabulous. I do not miss humidity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-A slower lifestyle is peaceful and allows much more
time/space to hear from Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-The mountain views never cease to take my breath away. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Gabe loves to go fishing. Who knew? He’s also good at rock
climbing!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-People here are not in a hurry. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-We’ve met several people who are interested in our church.
That’s exciting. James who runs the rock climbing and Colleen who works at the
Uhaul place to name a few.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Gabe’s school is sweet. I went Friday and met his teacher
and toured the school. He’ll have about 9 people in his class. Perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-Kriss can grill some burgers. Dear me those were amazing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-The sun rises at 5:30am (or earlier.) not awesome. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-the altitude makes it hard to breath. It’s humorous. Get to
the top of the stairs and you have to sit down ha<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-it’s DRY. Therefore you will have dry skin, lips, nose and
be very thirsty. If you don’t drink a TON of water you’ll have a killer
headache.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
-it’s May 31 and I’ve worn jeans and a long sleeved shirt
every day since we arrived. (talk to me in December and I may not be as chipper
about the weather.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ll share more fun facts and info later. I know this blog
is getting long. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is definitely a new life. We have good days and hard
days. Heck, good moments and hard moments. Sadness and loss hits at random
times but so does joy and peace.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God never promised us this would be easy. We knew that when
we answered His call. But we are beyond excited to see people in this village
come to know Him. We covet your prayers. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
COME SEE US!!!! We’d love to have you visit. It’s truly
gorgeous. You won’t regret it. But watch out<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>- you may fall in love!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you want to mail us anything or send donations to the
church our mailing address is PO BOX 1507 Angel Fire, NM 87710.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Thank you for caring about us. <o:p></o:p></div>
kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-70685371323344513092017-04-03T07:41:00.000-07:002017-04-03T07:41:25.865-07:00<div class="WordSection1">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN72Tr5OdpbOJEembfIjx2eP3XYx5hTtql8CJErsf3XEgCKdhZAqvLr8aZoRLv0dBQu04y82qgbr8Flq-t8NssydtFfHkAn3A3C9SlHka7MBtcOMeE4TfjeMbLeeL0EP_MG0SnPEU0Paw/s1600/16427544_10154691043946117_5641101368047996817_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN72Tr5OdpbOJEembfIjx2eP3XYx5hTtql8CJErsf3XEgCKdhZAqvLr8aZoRLv0dBQu04y82qgbr8Flq-t8NssydtFfHkAn3A3C9SlHka7MBtcOMeE4TfjeMbLeeL0EP_MG0SnPEU0Paw/s320/16427544_10154691043946117_5641101368047996817_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11pt;">I guess it
was about 5 years ago that I visited Angel Fire, New Mexico for the first time.
It was summer time but not hot & humid. Nights were cool and mornings were
fabulous for running. I remember asking Jay several times that visit why we
lived in Georgia. I thought it was absolutely beautiful.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">I mean
beautiful. Mountains that take your breath away, beautiful scenery everywhere
you look. I wish I could describe it better than I am. God is evident that’s
for sure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">How could
God not be evident? The name of the village is Angel Fire and the surrounding
mountain range is Sangria de Cristo (the blood of Christ.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Obviously HE has a heart for this region.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">We fell in love
that village. We love how quaint it is, how slowly the people do life, and we
see how God longs to take back that area.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Now, keep
in mind. We fell in love and looked forward to many years of VISITING this
area. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Fast
forward to this past August we went back to visit again. It was the place I
chose to celebrate my 10-year anniversary. I chose the mountains over the BEACH,
y’all, it’s that gorgeous. As we were getting in the car to leave our friend
that lives there said, “if you ever want to plant a church, Angel Fire would be
a great place.” Pretty sure she’d said that to us before but this time it stuck
in our hearts and minds.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">I’d thought
a lot about it but didn’t say a word to Jay. In late September Jay told me he
hadn’t stopped thinking about it and had actually asked our friend what a
church plant in Angel Fire would look like. This began months & months of
prayer and fasting to see if this was truly something we should explore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Our friend
mentioned it to another precious lady from Angel Fire and she said “oh we have
prayed for a Spirit filled church for 15 years.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">We invited
our Pastor and Executive Pastor to pray alongside us. We also asked family and
a few friends to join us in prayer. At this point it was distraction to us that
we wanted either God to take off our hearts and minds or give us direction for
the future.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">We went back
out to Angel Fire in December and met with 15 or so Christians who live there
and meet regularly for prayer. It was a precious time. We took Gabe this trip.
This was his first visit. He loved seeing snow! We shared with him that we were
praying about moving there and asked him to join us in praying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">The friends
we met that week agreed to fast and pray with us. We went back again in January
and began to feel God confirming this may be our next step.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">One
confirmation was a guy Jay had never met walking up to him at the church we
attended in Red River saying, “I don’t know you but I felt like I should tell
you this is where you are supposed to be.” Well…ok.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Another
confirmation came straight from Him. A friend asked me to do soaking prayer
with her. I wasn’t completely sure what that was but I was willing. She ran to
get her journal and me some paper (she brought two big sheets for me and I
laughed…I wasn’t as confident as she was that I would hear!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">But we got
our paper out and asked Him to speak to us. I simply asked, “Lord, what do you
have for me to do in Angel Fire?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Y’all
he answered!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">He told me
that I could “laugh and make people feel comfortable.” He also said, “For 15
years the people of Angel Fire have prayed and for 15 years I have been training
you through Teen Advisors and Young Life how to build relationships and love
people to Christ.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Without God
it makes NO SENSE. There is no reason (other than the beauty) that we would
want to leave our families, our beloved church, our friends and move ourselves
and five year old son to a town that doesn’t even have a Chick-fil-A or Target!
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only God could call us to do this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">I have to
say - Gabe has been faithful to pray and to ask us if we’ve heard anything from
the Lord. One of the sweetest times we talked about it he said, “mom, I’ll move
to New Mexico if God says to but I sure will miss my toys.” That sweet boy was
willing to leave everything (to him… his hot wheels are everything!) to follow
Him. I almost wept. Now he’s started telling people, “my parents are moving to
Angel Fire but I’m not.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">Here are
some other ways God has confirmed this calling for us:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt;">He has very
clearly given us Isaiah 61 for this village. We are taking a HUGE risk of faith
and leaving everything we know and love to bring the truth of the Gospel to
these precious people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
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<br />
<div class="WordSection2">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; margin-bottom: 7.5pt; margin-top: 15pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">The Year of the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>’s
Favor<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 18.0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">61 </span></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">The Spirit of the Sovereign <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> is on me,<br />
because the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> has
anointed me<br />
to proclaim good news to the poor.<br />
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,<br />
to proclaim freedom for the captives<br />
and release from darkness for the prisoners,<sup>[</sup></span></b><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah%2061#fen-NIV-18845a" title="See footnote a"><b><sup><span style="color: #b34b2c; font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Apple Chancery";">a</span></sup></b></a><b><sup><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">]</span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;"><br />
<sup>2 </sup>to proclaim
the year of the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>’s favor<br />
and the day of vengeance of our God,<br />
to comfort all who mourn,<br />
<sup>3 </sup> and
provide for those who grieve in Zion—<br />
to bestow on them a crown of beauty<br />
instead of ashes,<br />
the oil of joy<br />
instead of mourning,<br />
and a garment of praise<br />
instead of a spirit of despair.<br />
They will be called oaks of righteousness,<br />
a planting of the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span><br />
for the display of his splendor.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">4 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">They will rebuild the ancient ruins<br />
and restore the places long devastated;<br />
they will renew the ruined cities<br />
that have been devastated for generations.<br />
<sup>5 </sup>Strangers will
shepherd your flocks;<br />
foreigners will work your fields and vineyards.<br />
<sup>6 </sup>And you will
be called priests of the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>,<br />
you will be named ministers of our God. <br />
You will feed on the wealth of nations,<br />
and in their riches you will boast.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">7 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">Instead of your shame<br />
you will receive a double portion,<br />
and instead of disgrace<br />
you will rejoice in your inheritance.<br />
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,<br />
and everlasting joy will be yours.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><sup><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">8 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">“For I, the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>,
love justice;<br />
I hate robbery and wrongdoing.<br />
In my faithfulness I will reward my people<br />
and make an everlasting covenant with them.<br />
<sup>9 </sup>Their
descendants will be known among the nations<br />
and their offspring among the peoples.<br />
All who see them will acknowledge<br />
that they are a people the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> has blessed.”<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 18.0pt;">
<b><sup><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">10 </span></sup></b><b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10pt;">I delight greatly in the <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span>;<br />
my soul rejoices in my God.<br />
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation<br />
and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,<br />
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,<br />
and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.<br />
<sup>11 </sup>For as the
soil makes the sprout come up<br />
and a garden causes seeds to grow, <br />
so the Sovereign <span style="font-variant-caps: small-caps; font-variant-numeric: normal;">Lord</span> will
make righteousness<br />
and praise spring up before all nations. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><br clear="all" style="mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: auto;" />
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<br />
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10pt;">God has given us His eyes, His heart and His hope for these
people. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">God has used friends, family, scripture and more tangible things
to confirm our calling. Our house went under contract after being on the market
for three days. Do your thing, Lord!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We had one set back that lasted less than 12 hours. But it was
HARD. And the Lord gave Jay this scripture hours after our hearts were broken,
“God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown
him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.” Hebrews 6:10<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We went back last week and had supper again with 20 or so friends
out there. It was an amazing ending to a HARD 24 hours. We ate, talked, laughed
and prayed together. I know that God is at work in this tiny Village. I am so
thankful that we get to be a part of what He wants to do. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We are excited. We are scared! We are nervous and we are ready! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">PLEASE pray for us. Good grief we covet your prayers. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We won’t lie. We’ll also take your financial support. Just do
whatever God leads you to do! (Lead on Lord!)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We’ll gladly add you to our email list for updates but we won’t be
offended if you aren’t interested in that!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt;">We plan to head out June 1. We have A LOT of furniture to sell so
stay tuned for pictures! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Times New Roman"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">PRAY!!!!! We love and appreciate you!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-90671825544519317162017-01-05T07:53:00.000-08:002017-01-05T07:53:31.250-08:00my Ebenezer <span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12pt;">Daniel 3:18 has been on my heart since our Bible study
yesterday.</span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I arrived my heart was heavy. I knew I was dipping into
something that my Spirit was saying was not a good thing. (for me.)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past several years I’ve put on little poundage. Ok, more
than a little. I was in a place of freedom that I may have taken a tad too far…
freedom to have peanut butter twice a day and bites of everything that came
across my path may have been a little toooooooo free. Oops.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since August I have worked to take off a few of those extra
lbs. I followed advice of really smart people who have studied the
body/food/exercise, etc. This way of
“dieting” didn’t stress me out. I simply
ate my assigned macros and hoped for the best. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sadly for me this didn’t seem to work. I ended up gaining
instead of leaning out. I stuck with it hoping to see results but then the
holidays rolled around and that all went out the window.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I decided (without prayer or seeking His guidance or
Jay’s) I signed myself up for a new meal plan. I found someone who is CRAZY fit
and asked for help. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>*Disclaimer – there is NOTHING wrong with having a meal
plan. Nothing wrong with whole30 or specific meal plans for most folks….but for
ME…it’s a recipe for disaster.</b>*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all know I have an obsessive personality when it comes to
food. Let’s be real, it’s a control issue. I lived in FEAR of food for 8-10
years and was finally delivered from that foolishness (just a couple years
ago.) So meal plans, etc. are not good for me. Not even for 3 days…, which is
how long I followed this plan. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The devil is relentlessly calling me a quitter…even as I
type.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But when I got the plan my heart/Spirit KNEW it wasn’t going
to be good. I could feel myself tense up. I could see myself fearing food and
ever coming off the strict plan laid before me. Yet, I went forward.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I figured it was my flesh simply not wanting to give up food
when in reality it was my Sweet Father cautioning my heart.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s just 15 lbs. I need to lose it so it can’t be a bad
thing. People diet all the time. Sure they do…<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But recovering alcoholics don’t hang out in bars. People who
struggle with porn don’t surround themselves with dirty magazines and websites.
People who gamble don’t sit in casinos. So WHY would I surround myself with
scales, measuring cups, lists of foods to “fear.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Oh y’all. I tried. For three days I fought what I knew my
Father was prompting me to stop. Finally last night through the wisdom of my
husband, mom and several friends, the Holy Spirit finally got my attention. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I decided to stop the strict meal plan. Stop carrying around
a cooler and carefully measured amounts of lean meats and veggies. I decided to
stop eating FISH FOR BREAKFAST. That was an easy change…eww.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God has shown me that being healthy and fit is FINE. In fact
that honors Him. But for me to be consumed by it...to put it as the most
important thing to me…to feel the darkness of my past rise up in me…NOT
honoring to Him.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am sharing this now to hold myself accountable. He has
given me complete permission to make healthy choices with food and exercise. Go
right ahead and challenge myself to fast from certain things, but for the love
do it with HIM as my coach.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My prayer is that this post will be my Ebenezer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The name “Ebenezer” actually
comes from the Bible. In </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Sam%207"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">1 Samuel 7</span></a></span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">, during the end of the time of the judges,
Israel experiences revival under the leadership of </span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.gotquestions.org/life-Samuel.html"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">Samuel</span></a></span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">. The nation repents of their sin, destroys
their idols, and begins to seek the Lord (</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Sam%207.2%E2%80%934"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">1 Samuel 7:2–4</span></a></span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">). Samuel gathered the people at Mizpah where
they confessed their sin, and Samuel offered a sacrifice on their behalf
(verses 5–9).</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">It was during this time of repentance and
renewal that the enemy attacked: “While Samuel was sacrificing the burnt
offering, the Philistines drew near to engage Israel in battle” (</span></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Sam%207.10"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">1 Samuel 7:10</span></a></span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">). The Israelites went out to do battle against
the invaders, and God sent them supernatural help: “That day the LORD thundered
with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic that
they were routed before the Israelites” (verse 10).</span><span style="color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
<br />
<span style="background: white;">Israel’s victory over the Philistines was
decisive. Several cities the Philistines had captured were restored to Israel,
and it was a long time before the Philistines tried to invade Israel again (</span></span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://biblia.com/bible/esv/1%20Sam%207.13%E2%80%9314"><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; padding: 0in;">1 Samuel
7:13–14</span></a></span><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">). To
commemorate the divine victory, “Samuel took a stone and set it up between
Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the LORD has helped
us’” (verse 12).</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="background: white; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0in; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; padding: 0in;">Ebenezer</span></i><span style="background: white; color: #444444; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> means “stone of help.” From then on,
every time an Israelite saw the stone erected by Samuel, he would have a
tangible reminder of the Lord’s power and protection. The “stone of help”
marked the spot where the enemy had been routed and God’s promise to bless His
repentant people had been honored. The Lord had helped them, all the way to
Ebenezer.</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Lord help me remember what YOU have done in my heart to
bring me to freedom and wholeness in You. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will do the best I can do make healthy life choices all
while enjoying life. If I stay this size, lose weight or gain weight (ahh!) …He
is still good!<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: 18.0pt; margin-bottom: 7.5pt;">
<b><sup><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 9pt;">18 </span></sup></b><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">But even if <i>He does</i> not, let it be known to you,
O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image
that you have set up!” Daniel 3:18<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-75822922146881441392016-08-30T11:41:00.004-07:002016-08-30T12:42:14.543-07:00nothing new, just thinking....I haven't taken time to sit and write since April I guess. That's the last time I blogged. I should work on that.<br />
<br />
You know how Facebook shows your "on this day" stuff as soon as you sign in? Mine for the past week have been all about college football (no surprise!) and the TA retreat.<br />
<br />
Thinking about the TA retreat brings back so many memories! Gosh so many friendships, so many laughs, so many tears, so much truth from Big Lee, Dee Dee & Will. So much fabulous worship with Jonathan & Lisa. Oh how thankful I am for those years.<br />
<br />
But my heart also remembers the hurt. I remember reading the "write your heart out" papers that the students fill out anonymously before the retreat. Wow. I remember reading about divorced parents, affairs, deaths, self-esteem issues, drugs/alcohol, thoughts of suicide, bullying, sexual and physical abuse, broken hearts after losing their virginity... everything you can imagine and more.<br />
<br />
Now anytime I see teenagers I think about their hurts. I don't just see them as high school kids...I see their struggles. I see teens often going in and out of Columbus High since it's a block from my house. And honestly when I see them I want to stop and hug them. I want to ask what is REALLY going on in their hearts and minds. I want to give them a safe place to talk, share, laugh, cry, drink a capri sun and eat granola bars.<br />
<br />
I miss having my house full of teens. It never starts with them sharing their hurts. It starts with them being rowdy and driving me INSANE throwing trash around my house, eating french fries and drinking milkshakes and NOT GAINING A POUND ha! It begins with me constantly asking about their day, their weekend plans, their tests, their families.... and then they open up. Then you get the "real" stuff.<br />
<br />
I'm not trying to make the teenage years seem all extra dramatic and terrible. It's certainly not! They do have a lot of fun!! I know that and love that.<br />
<br />
But I can honestly say if I'd grown up with Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Twitter I would've been a HOT MESS.<br />
<br />
Can you imagine the extra pressure that puts on kids? How many likes did my picture get? How many selfies can I post today? (make it STOP!) Who has more friends? More followers? Lord help us.<br />
<br />
I am a grown woman and I struggle not to compare myself to other moms and women on social media so I can't imagine what it must be like for teenage girls and guys.<br />
<br />
Comparison has always been a struggle for me. For me it has come in all sorts of ways...<br />
<br />
I went through the "I want to be liked/popular" like her stage (dear me, that's exhausting.)<br />
<br />
I wanted to be "as skinny as" or "the same size as" which looking back is COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.<br />
<br />
I wanted to be "as good as" people in ministry.<br />
<br />
Now it's "her kid can write?!" "her son can read??" "her kids always matches." OR "I wish I didn't have to work..."<br />
<br />
Lord it's always something. Thankfully the Lord works on my heart constantly. And thankfully I'm not in high school trying to deal with all this.<br />
<br />
I don't think this post in making any sense.<br />
<br />
Bottom line, if I could grab every teenager in town and sit them down I would say this...<br />
<br />
<i>Relax. Take a deep breath. Let go of the tension, stress and worry you're carrying. Let go of all the pressure you have put on yourself to be (fill in the blank) ...the coolest, prettiest, funniest, smartest, etc. Because here is the truth... You are just fine the way you are. Your Creator knew exactly what He was doing when He knit you together in your Mother's womb. I know it may not feel that way at times. I know what society tells you is pretty and you may not fit that mold. I know what this world says is successful and you may not fit that either. But HE does. He KNOWS you. He knows every hurt, every joy, every doubt. He knows that you think about at night before bed. He knows what stresses you out when you wake up and think about facing the day. He knows. And He's with you. He delights in You. These high school years will be a mixed bag! Some days will be the best ever and others will tear you down. But it's only 4 years of a whole big life! Don't make poor decisions today that will effect the rest of your life because you think it will make those stresses go away. Don't change who you are and who HE created you to be because you think you'll make more friends or be more popular. I know, I've been there, I know it really seems like doing what everyone else is doing will make life easier but in the long run....for the REST of your life (remember, this is only 4 short years) it will not make life easier.</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>So be you. Love Jesus. Don't be ashamed to make good choices. Don't be afraid to talk to people who are "cool enough." Be a friend to everyone. Be nice. Don't be a mean girl. Don't be a snob. Don't be "that guy" that walks around acting like he's God's gift. Dear me. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Keep on living a life that pleases Him. If you aren't sure what that is, ask! I'd say live a life that pleases your parents but sometimes that's not always the case. That being said....honor your parents. I always remember Lee saying "if you can't honor your parents you are going to have a hard time honoring God." (my paraphrase.)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>You won't regret being kind. You won't regret giving Him your daily stress/worries. You won't regret relaxing and laughing more. You won't regret finding TRUE friends who love the Lord and seek to honor Him. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>You are enough. HE is enough. Rest sweet child. Just rest.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
That's what I'd say if I could.<br />
<br />
I'd also say something to every parent too (ahh!) maybe another day.<br />
<br />
Love on a teenager today if you get the chance! They need it. Promise.<br />
<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-31898526816637570462016-04-27T07:41:00.001-07:002016-04-27T07:41:28.158-07:00"I am not my own"for over 10 years now i have struggled with (the nasty, sinful and vain) self-image. LONG story short it all started with a desire to lose a few pounds...<br />
<br />
but i took it too far. i decided my worth was wrapped up in my size. i believed, truly believed, that my size determined my worth. there was a few reasons i think i believed that lie...<br />
<br />
i'd heard MANY pastors/youth pastors and christians talk about how our character and inner beauty are what matter... (true!)<br />
<br />
but as a young girl (well 20 something) i saw that even christian men wanted a beautiful and (what i thought was) perfect wife.<br />
<br />
so i decided that i needed to be thin. and where i really went wrong was telling God that "i'd take this. i'd take control of this part of my life because after all He couldn't control what food i put in my mouth or how hard i exercised."<br />
<br />
although i vividly remember Him telling me one morning while i was running that "He could give me something to complain about...He could throw my down on that sidewalk and jack me up!" (don't be hurt by that. it's how He and i communicate.)<br />
<br />
i asked for forgiveness many years ago for telling Him i needed to be in control. but i kept picking up little pieces of my struggle over and over.<br />
<br />
i feared gaining weight (even though at my lowest weight that is exactly what needed to happen) because i thought i meant i was a failure.<br />
<br />
see, other than being the "funny one" i felt like i wasn't ever really known/acknowledged for much. but people noticed my weight loss. so to gain meant i wasn't good/known for anything.<br />
<br />
we talked about the broken jar of validation i have carried around with me. being thin was never going to fill me. so no matter how hard i tried (or how thin i became) i would still feel empty. my jar was broken...<br />
<br />
gross sin.<br />
<br />
i know i've shared all of this before. so i'll spare any more details.<br />
<br />
what i want you to know today is that God has SET ME FREE. and i mean it!!<br />
<br />
last week i met with Pam (our pastors wife) and we talked through it ALL. we spent two hours talking about all the gross, embarrassing parts of this fleshy sin i've lived in.<br />
<br />
we talked about how God used Lisa C and Jay to help me see the need to ask my body for forgiveness. we talked about the woman at the well. we talked about the scripture that says "we have been bought with a price. and we are not our own."<br />
<br />
we laughed, i cried, we laughed, i cried. it was a beautiful hot mess.<br />
<br />
then we prayed. during the prayer Pam asked me to see myself in the story of the woman at the well.<br />
<br />
disclaimer: i'm not one for visions. but this was very real to me.<br />
<br />
i saw myself lugging/dragging this broken jar towards the well. i looked PITIFUL y'all. <span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17.94px; white-space: pre-wrap;">He opened my eyes to see how pitiful i look trying to fill this place in my heart/mind with trying to be thin. every scoop of water looked to me like a long run or a workout to UA. ridiculous. because i could see the water leaking right out of my jug.</span>and in the corner of my eye i noticed Jesus sitting there but i didn't look at him. i just began attempting to fill my broken jar. i saw the water spilling out of the cracks. and i was so worn down and pitiful.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">then Pam spoke up and said "look up. look Jesus in the eye."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">y'all. i lifted my head and saw the sweetest face. not an angry face. not a judgmental face. just Him. <span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 17.94px; white-space: pre-wrap;">He wasn't the least bit upset with me. He simply asked (in the way He and i do...) "are you done? seriously? will you allow ME to fill you?" it was so freeing. i knew in my spirit He wasn't saying "stop running or working out." rather - let ME FILL YOU and then those things will just be overflow. they will be fun...not stressful or something you do out of putting pressure on yourself.</span></span><br />
<br />
so i dropped that jar. y'all. i let HIM fill me with His living water. i am FULL. i am filled. i am FREE.<br />
<br />
i wept.<br />
<br />
Pam shared with me afterwards more about what knowing that "i am not my own" means.<br />
<br />
you know what guys....i am NOT my own. i didn't create this body. HE did. sure, He wants me to take care of it. eat healthy and exercise but it is NOT MY OWN. it is not up to me what it looks like. He gets to decide that. HE is in control.<br />
<br />
that has been so freeing to me! not once since thursday have i looked in the mirror with disgust. i don't grunt when i see myself. i simply say "i am not my own. i don't get to decide."<br />
<br />
it may sound simple. it may sound silly. but i know i'm not the only one who has struggles. i am not the only one trying to fill a cracked jar.<br />
<br />
i pray that we will all offer up our broken jars to Him and allow Him to make us whole, complete, filled with His living water. then whatever else gets poured in is just overflow :)<br />
<br />
it is freeing to not put pressure on myself about my size. i can only do so much and then rest in what He created my body to be.<br />
<br />
i don't walk around embarrassed or ashamed.<br />
<br />
and when i'm tempted to be upset i simply look up...i look at His face sitting at the well and i have peace.<br />
<br />
i pray that i will do that in every area of my life not just this nasty sin that has had its grip on me for far too long.<br />
<br />
isn't God unbelievable? so kind. gentle. so REAL. gosh, i am thankful.<br />
<br />
i challenge you to take a minute today and ask Him what you are lugging/dragging and trying to fill and allow Him to fill you instead. it will bring peace. i promise.kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-67716745671118225062016-04-14T12:47:00.002-07:002016-04-14T12:47:26.299-07:00life lately with the LesleysIt's been a while since I've posted. Life has been busy but fun. I've learned a few things about myself and God lately. Also about Jay. I'll share those in a minute. But first, a few random thoughts...<br />
<br />
1. stitch fix is SO much fun. but GOOD GRIEF. I can't afford to pay $46 for some blue jean shorts. so everything they sent me went back except a necklace and it was for a good cause. and since i'd already paid $20 in styling fees it only costs me $26 (extra.) can someone join me and let's start up a stitch fix for the "less fortunate." haha. except i'm serious. we could make big money.<br />
<br />
2. Chick-fil-a owes me for their new coffee drink. for years now, well i should really say josh clegg gets credit, i've asked for a little splash of coffee on my ice dream in a cup (as they call it.) it makes perfect coffee ice cream. I'mma need a kick back for this idea that they are now making a killing selling.<br />
<br />
3. I am so excited that we are actually experiencing spring in GA. thank you Lord.<br />
<br />
4. I am in love with Ms Myrtis. We are gearing up for our big work day on her house and I'm very excited. We may not make much money for Jeeah's Hope (which is kinda sad) but we are still getting to help a very precious lady and for that i am grateful. I love talking to Myrtis. She loves the Lord and you cannot have a conversation with her without Him being mentioned. I hope I am like that now and when I'm 84.<br />
<br />
Now, on to a few things I have learned about myself.<br />
<br />
Everyone who reads my blog (all 10 of you) know that I have struggled with self-image/weight stuff for years. I'm NOT proud of that. I'm embarrassed and ashamed of it. But at least I'm trying to get over it?! Idk. I'm sure I am annoying Him and all of you.<br />
<br />
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
But let me tell y'all what God did for me last month. I was miserable with tension in my hips. it was awful. so i blamed it on anxiety (i tend to feel my symptoms in my joints.) </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
I had been emailing back & forth with a very wise friend about something else and simply asked her to pray for my body. i know she prays boldly! </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
she responded by asking if there was anyone that i needed to forgive? when i read it my stomach dropped, which totally surprised me, and almost offended me. but i stopped and asked God to show me. so when jay got home i shared that with him and asked why that question hit me so hard...</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he said i needed to ask my body to forgive me.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
my body?</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
hmm. so we talked for a minute. i agreed i've been mistreating it for years...</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
later i asked him how i could work on forgiveness with my body....bc that's strange. ha</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
so he talked me through it. he asked what i thought my body would say to me...</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
wow. i bet it's pissed at me! i run it ragged, sometimes not feeding it well and then talk bad about it. heck no friend or spouse would stick around for that.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
so i am working on asking my body for forgiveness AND taking steps to treat it right. i started eating more small meals throughout the day which for me is a GOOD thing. i've been eating fruit daily (which i have been afraid to do since 2001.) i have switched up what i eat. i feel free to eat different things and make myself eat more to refuel my body.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
so God is challenging me to eat more (not junk food but protein & carbs that my body needs) and to stop speaking negatively about my body, and i need to be grateful for what this machine does for me daily! i am proud of how hard it works and i like that it is strong. (see, saying nice things publicly!)</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
y'all pray for those things in me. i know eating more sounds crazy and counterintuitive but it's what the experts say i need to do.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
another thing i've had to work on is pride. i've been so embarrassed of my weight gain (15 lbs i gained taking anxiety meds y'all. not fair! if i'm gaining weight i want to EAT not take a pill!) i've been ashamed thinking that people think i've "let myself go." when reality is........NO.ONE.FREAKING.CARES. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
now, i want to talk about my sweet husband for a minute. y'all know i can give him a hard time but he is truly a good man. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
we had a neighbor that used to walk his dogs on our street once or twice a day. if he ever saw us out with Gabe he would stop and talk. he was always SO friendly. he would brag on Gabe and encourage us as parents. he was precious. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
granted, he walked with his shirt off or unbuttoned most days! we referred to him as the shirtless guy until we learned his name was Don.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
jay is VERY good at loving his neighbor, literally. i'm not very good at it. i blame my introverted side. i'm not good at small talk. i say and ask dumb questions. it's just ugly. so if you ever wonder why i'm not chatty (if you see me out) it's NOT bc i'm a snob or a jerk...i'm simply saving you the awkwardness that would inevitably happen if i tried to chat...</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
but jay can talk to anyone about anything for any length of time. he amazes me. (and sometimes annoys me bc i'm slowly dying on the inside while digging in my purse, texting madison or theresa for something to do or "parenting Gabe" who doesn't really need me in the moment) </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he takes time to ask how people are doing and listens to the answer. (he doesn't always do that with me though....hahahaha.)</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he can make weird conversations not seem weird. he can make small talk. he doesn't seem the least bit stressed in these circumstances. i need a lot of work in this area.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
back to Don, jay and don got to be pretty good friends/acquaintances. it was sweet to watch. in December Don told jay that he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
we watched Don go from super strong and healthy to very thin, pale and sick. he stopped being able to walk his dogs. so sweet jay lined up neighbors and us to do it for him. it was really cute to see jay and G walking dogs. y'all know i was OUT on that job. but i did send Don notes.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
the last month or so was really sad. Don would call jay, sounding pitiful, and give us an update. we would listen and be so sad for him and his girlfriend Nikki (who also has cancer.)</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Jay Lesley was amazing for Don. he called him to check on him, he would stop by if he saw his car home, he would pray with him, sit with him...just whatever. i saw Jays pastors heart come out. and it was precious. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he did all that and no one ever knew. nobody knows that jay spent time walking dogs that aren't his. nobody knew that he prayed with and for a man whose last name we never knew. but i love knowing that God knows. :)</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
jay and G spent a lot of time with Don last Thursday. I went down on my way to a wedding shower and Don asked to see me. he was skin and bones. he looked nothing like the Don i remembered. it literally took all he had to talk but he held my hand and thanked me for praying for him and sending him notes. he said his heart could explode with gratitude for our love and encouragement. he also said i have two fine men in my life - which i completely agree with. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Jay and G went to hospice on Sunday to see Don one last time. the doctors had him drugged so he wouldn't be in any pain. G reported to me that "Don was just snoring." </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
Don died a couple hours after G and Jay left. it BROKE Gs heart. he wept. it broke my heart to see G so sad. but we talked to him about how happy, healthy and free Don is now and he seemed ok with it. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he has prayed for Don a couple nights this week. sweet kid.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
i know i spend more time on FB making fun of jay. but he is a good, good man.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he works at his job, grad school, being an attentive and playful father, and a loving husband. he's a faithful friend, son and brother.</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he seriously doesn't get mad or lose his temper. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he is kind, gentle and hilarious. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
he will eat whatever i put in front of him with a smile on his, face bless his heart. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
our church is gearing up for "the church has left the building" where instead of attending a service on April 24 we do a service type project around town...</div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
jay lesley lives "the church has left the building" and i'm proud to do life with him. </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
i love you jay! infinity times 1000, i win! </div>
<div style="margin-top: 10px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
<br /></div>
kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-83092132262361904432016-02-17T14:02:00.000-08:002016-02-17T14:02:12.940-08:00learning a lot and loving it (mostly)the past several months i have been learning a lot about myself, God and life in general. some if it is fun and some of it has been a tad more disciplinary stuff from God.<br />
<br />
first of all, i learned NOT to make fun of people for things. here are a few examples i used to make fun of friends and family for:<br />
<br />
- getting carsick. i thought this was all a ploy to get to ride shotgun. NOW i know this mess is legit. and i have to take lots of dramamine and tummy drops to go on trips. dangit.<br />
<br />
- having acid reflux or heartburn. i thought people were being dramatic and that it couldn't possibly be that bad. NOW i know that mess is evil. i've had to start taking zantac so i won't feel like food is caught in my throat all day & night. dangit.<br />
<br />
- blaming a medication for causing them to gain weight. i always thought that was ridiculous. i would think "that medicine is NOT making you put food in your mouth." LAWD was i wrong. the meds they put me on for anxiety have caused me to gain 12 lbs. 12 folks. and i still workout 6 days a week (hard!) and eat very healthy. dangit.<br />
<br />
so moral of this story....i either need to make fun of people for being rich and skinny or shut my mouth :) ha.<br />
<br />
today i went to a funeral for a friends mom. i learned a few things while i was there as well. i'm sure i will forget some lessons but i sure hope this blog will help me remember at least a few things.<br />
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- i learned that i DO have a spiritual gift!!! i have always said that God forgot to give me a talent. that may be true but He did give me a gift. and it is loving people. i genuinely care about people. HE created me as a thoughtful person who desires to serve others and make people feel loved. lots, LOTS of times i fail at that but it is something that comes natural to me.<br />
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y'all PLEASE know i am not saying that to brag on myself. whew, no. that's not my heart.<br />
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but as i sat and listened to Kelli talk about her mom and how she LOVED people i thought...i try to do that!<br />
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her mom prayed for people, cooked for them (ok, i don't do that but i can have something delivered in a heartbeat!) i don't to bake either but He gave me my friend Madison Montgomery who will bake anything for me to give to others in need anytime i ask! that's her gift that i get to enjoy :)<br />
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God does put people on my heart and most of the time i am faithful to follow through with what i feel like He wants me to do. it could be a simple as a text, a hand written letter or even a meal.<br />
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several years ago i decided to write someone a letter every day of my life. i still try to do that. and i love it.<br />
<br />
but you know what He's really teaching me in all this...<br />
<br />
- that my size has nothing to do with the kind of friend i am.<br />
<br />
DISCLAIMER: y'all know it's no secret that i have struggled with self-image. putting on an extra 12 lbs since taking medicine hasn't helped too much. although, i will say, by the grace of God i am handling it WAYYYYYY better than the old kaci would have. it's just discouraging when your clothes are tight and ill-fitting. y'all know!<br />
<br />
- that my friends don't need a "skinny" kaci to love on them, pray for them or simply ask how their day was.<br />
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- that G doesn't need a "skinny" mom to teach him about God, life, manners, to laugh with, read with, cry with, etc. he simply needs me.<br />
<br />
- that my friends don't need a "skinny" kaci to listen to them. to walk through the good and crappy parts of life with. they need me. (and i need THEM, just as they are!)<br />
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God designed me. He created ALL of me. even the physical me. and He knew what my body would be like in every stage of life. BUT He also created my heart and mind.<br />
<br />
He created me to love and care about the people in my life. and they don't need a friend who is so caught up in how good she used to look in the dress that is currently riding up her bigger thighs (ha!) they need a friend that is so focused on Christ that all I can see is THEM. their hurts, their joys, their life.<br />
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Lord forgive me for being so ridiculous. THANK you for creating me the way you did. thank you for giving me a heart that loves others. i won't complain (very often) that i got skipped on talent.<br />
<br />
He gave me one more sweet reminder that my size doesn't decide my worth...<br />
<br />
my sweet friend came into the funeral and she was very sad. she's one of those friends that i hardly ever see but when we talk through text or fb or see each other it's like we never skipped a day. don't you love & appreciate those friends???? she can make me laugh like no other. we have so many memories of laughter, sadness, struggles, fears, joys, etc. she's a true gift.<br />
<br />
but she came in carrying some past hurt. she was at the funeral because Mrs. Williams had loved her and shown her forgiveness during a very dark time in her life.<br />
<br />
before she came in i was sitting there thinking how big my legs and stomach looked in the dress i was wearing. but as soon as she sat down...NONE of that mattered to me (and ya know what...HER!)<br />
<br />
ALL that mattered was making sure she felt loved, safe, and God's grace. and it doesn't matter if my dress was a size 0 or a size 40. she simply needed a friend.<br />
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oh i hope this makes sense. but i have spent a LOT of years worrying about my weight. (i know, its vein and fleshy) but I pray that God will keep my heart so in tuned with His that OTHER people are my focus and not my freaking selfish self.<br />
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Lord help me to love like YOU. help me to keep my eyes on things that matter instead of worldly things that will certainly fade away.<br />
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don't get me wrong. being healthy is very important! and i will continue to eat healthy and exercise because i LOVE it. but all i can do is my best and move on... and keep moving my focus to Him and others.<br />
<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-76417257418635925692016-01-22T07:58:00.003-08:002016-01-22T16:51:22.340-08:00not anxiety...<br />
did i ever tell y'all that my issue is NOT anxiety? i meant to. (not that i think anyone really cares, ha.)<br />
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i'd like to state for the record that I WAS RIGHT. all along i told the doctors that my issue was not anxiety. i'm not an anxious person! i recognized that the only reason i was anxious is because of my other symptoms! you try being dizzy and off balance and NOT being anxious. LAWD.</div>
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<br /></div>
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i tried to accept the anxiety diagnosis. i took the meds. allowed them 6 weeks to get into my system. and i will confess i was less anxious....AFTER i had dizzy spells and felt off balance (along with other symptoms.)</div>
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i truly thought the anxiety meds would heal me. i thought my days of struggles were over.</div>
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not so much.</div>
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after several months of continuing to feel off i started researching ways to get rid of my symptoms. i kept reading that vestibular rehab could help. finally i googled places that offer vestibular rehab in columbus ga. </div>
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i wasn't even paying attention to the name of the place i was asking for an appointment with. i just filled out their request for an appt as fast as my hands could type!</div>
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i was SO excited when i got an email back from the brilliant, kind, loving Alice Cellino! i was finally convinced i would get help! she said they have a great vestibular rehab clinic AND that their physical therapist was the brilliant, kind, loving Ashtyn Prielozney! YAY GOD! </div>
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so i signed myself up for some rehab. </div>
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i went every week for several months. i won't lie. it is some strange therapy!! you are forced to make yourself do the things that make you dizzy/off balance. Lord help me. so i left most weeks with a headache but low & behold the stuff helps.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Ashtyn gave me exercises to do at home. so if you come over and see a black dot on my cabinet or window....it's just my therapy :) Gabe used to look at me crazy when i would stand staring at a dot turning my head back & forth until i was falling over but now he just keeps playing. wonder what he's thinking though!?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
by no means has this taken away my issues completely. here's a (short) list of what makes my dizziness/off balance mess worse:</div>
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<br /></div>
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HORMONES. what a shock. what do they not effect. stupid things.</div>
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humidity and rain bother me terribly, terribly! </div>
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loud noises kill me. a loud tv, gabe yelling, loud music, sometimes a loud restaurant, etc are triggers. which is extra sad bc i do enjoy going to football games but i just can't. </div>
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<br /></div>
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(if you see me at Christ Community and wonder why i sometimes sit through worship in the green room it's bc i get dizzy. i'm not being a diva or "that worship leaders wife who thinks she's special!") </div>
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<br /></div>
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i can almost always hear my heartbeat in my left ear.</div>
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when i lay down i have to tilt my head to the right to get the heartbeat noise to go away and lighten up the pressure i feel in that ear.</div>
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oh, i can hear my eyeballs move. so that's fun.</div>
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<br /></div>
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oh the grocery store (or any store) and driving can also bother me bc of things moving past my peripheral vision quickly. that throws me off. </div>
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<br /></div>
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my therapy definitely help with these strange issues but they are still part of my life. UNTIL God completely heals me which i still pray for. (feel free to join me!)</div>
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<br /></div>
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Alice and Ashtyn are fabulous. They let me text/email them when i'm freaking out and thinking i may be dealing with something worse. that happens when all this stuff is hitting me at once...i get scared. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
oh what they think i have is called superior canal dehiscence. surgery is an option but it's hit or miss if it will work so it's not worth the risk.</div>
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i've asked jay if we can move somewhere with less humidity but honestly i LOVE my life here. I love CCC, LORD knows i can't live without my family, and i love love love my jobs. so i don't want to move.</div>
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let me end by saying this. I KNOW people deal with A LOT worse. i am thankful that i at least know what my issue is (finally) and i don't have to live in fear that i am dying of something terrible.</div>
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i have fabulous Doctors who love and care about my health. they encourage me and help me not be afraid. (sometimes i can't lie, this mess is scary.)</div>
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i take comfort in knowing...when i'm falling over or feeling weak or not sure i can drive...that i am OK. </div>
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i don't do road trips very well AT ALL. so that's not fun. i have to start taking dramamine in advance and keep it in my system. i doubt i'll ride a boat or roller coaster again :( but that's ok.</div>
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<br /></div>
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haven't tried flying yet. i was supposed to earlier this summer but God stopped that from happening. so it probably would not have ended well.</div>
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so this is what i've got. </div>
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i would LOVE to know how the ear, nose & throat DOCTORS (yes plural) that i saw didn't catch this. really?</div>
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oh well. thank you Lord for Alice and Ashtyn. I recommend them for inner ear issues or heck, any issues because they care and won't stop until the find you help. </div>
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thanks Ladies! </div>
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kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-11201149291476575232016-01-11T08:21:00.002-08:002016-01-11T08:21:58.192-08:00sweetest gift I didn't know I wanted...growing up i had an amazing group of girl friends. oh we spent so much time together between church and just hanging out. i LOVED these girls and spent obnoxious amounts of time watching movies, talking about boys and having sleepovers. it truly was fantastic and i thank God for those girls often. we all still stay in touch through Facebook mainly and sometimes seeing each other around town. but we don't talk daily, hourly like we did growing up. that being said...if anything big happened in my life or theirs i KNOW we would all be right there in a heartbeat. i KNOW that and am thankful for it.<br />
<br />
fast forward to college and most of those girl friends had moved on the serious relationships and towards marriage and for me that didn't come until age 27.<br />
<br />
SO in the meantime most of my close friends were guys. mostly because, let's be real, guys are easier to hang out with. no drama, no comparing yourself, no gossip, etc. it was just easy.<br />
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i did have times when i was jealous of the girl friendships around me but i was too intimidated by them to try to "bust in their circle" so i just stuck with the guys.<br />
<br />
then i got married. and well you can't hang out with other men when you're married (or at least i didn't want to) so my close friendships kinda went out the window.<br />
<br />
i didn't mind. i had super close friendships with my TA girls that filled my life. i spent as much time as possible with jay and was content with my life.<br />
<br />
i didn't even realize that i needed/desired friends with girls my age. i enjoyed building friendships with my TAs and it never crossed my mind that i may want someone my age to walk through life with.<br />
<br />
i had been running with Madison and loving it. we have always had the sweetest, yet very honest, friendship. she's been a constant in my life for YEARS now and i am thankful. she introduced me to Danelle and we began running together too. Danelle became a strong, godly, encouraging and faithful friend to me right off the bat. just like madison we shared honestly about things going on in our lives. but she's older than madison and married so we were able to talk about things that madison and i couldn't. i didn't know i needed it...but it was so good for me.<br />
<br />
THEN about two years ago i got a random invite to go run with some friends from church (Colleen, Shelley & Jennifer) one sunday morning. we met at manchester park and ride at 7:15am and ran 8 miles together. that morning there was four of us.<br />
<br />
from that sunday on Jennifer and I met, same place & same time, and ran at least 8 miles. :)<br />
<br />
DISCLAIMER: i will talk about running in this post. NOT because i want to point out that i run or be "that girl" that is always posting about a workout or run. i know nobody cares, ha. it's just part of our story :)<br />
<br />
it only took about 3 runs before jennifer and i started really sharing life together. we were honest about the good and bad things going on in our lives. we shared what God was teaching us and what we were struggling with. it became one of my favorite times of the week.<br />
<br />
i had been running faithfully with Jennifer & occasionally with Danelle when Jennifer invited Theresa to start running with us on Sunday mornings. I'd known Theresa from years before. We ran in the same circle and spent many a Tuesday night watching American Idol with a super fun group of people (ALL of whom intimidated me. and still do....but i adore them.)<br />
<br />
It didn't take one complete run for Theresa and I to catch up and jump back into a sweet friendship. That girl cracks me up. We are BEYOND honest with one another and laugh nonstop. i loved her instantly because we both love Jesus but are both kinda bold and borderline inappropriate. Again, I had no clue I needed friend like her.<br />
<br />
Sprinkled in throughout all this time was Meghan. oh Meghan. nobody makes me laugh or stresses me out like meghan. HA! i used to refer to her as a "running bully" because she is so much faster than me. LAWD she can wear me out by mile 3. but i still ran with her because i appreciated her friendship so much. she is hilarious. she diligently seeks His face and it is evident in her life. i knew i needed that push...both spiritually and physically.<br />
<br />
slowly we all began running together at least once a week (if we could swing it.) those runs are my favorite. SO many laughs. SO much talk about food. LOTS of praying, crying and laughing.<br />
<br />
we've probably been going strong for over a year now and i love it. we aren't like most ladies who meet for lunch or coffee. we meet early in the morning with zero makeup and bathroom breaks on long runs. it's hard not to be REAL when you spend at least an hour and a half together once or twice a week. that's a lot of talking, a lot of sharing....<br />
<br />
you have to be REAL when you:<br />
- plan your run around poop breaks (that's mainly for me)<br />
- have zero motivation on mile 1 of a 10 mile run.<br />
- look terrible that morning bc you were up all night stressed out about something<br />
- almost bust it or DO bust it on a run. curbs, cracks, rocks, mud...they'll get ya!<br />
<br />
here's what i LOVE about these girls:<br />
- we are REAL. very real. we know the ins & outs of each others lives. we have walked through infertility issues, marriage problems, changing jobs, nasty/honest/fleshy sin issues, medical tests & diagnoses, sick family members, and so much more.<br />
<br />
another DISCLAIMER: we do NOT talk badly about our husbands. i don't want anyone to think we get together and gossip or rattle off things we are unhappy with in our marriage. we are very careful to speak truth, life and in a way that honors God. maybe minus the cuss words Theresa and I throw out. when it's funny, we say it.<br />
<br />
we run together still and we have started getting together for a potluck or for dinner once every 6 weeks or so. those times are PRECIOUS and FUN too. we actually have on "real clothes" and makeup but the conversation remains the same. we share life. we cry. we laugh. i say inappropriate things, we laugh more, we eat a lot, we share recipes, advice, love and prayer.<br />
<br />
i didn't know i needed girl friends. i did NOT think i wanted them in all honesty but they have helped change who i am in such a godly way.<br />
<br />
we are a lot alike but different in the perfect way. two of us are the "say it like it is" type but with humor and facial expressions. one of us is the calm, motherly type but brings a sweet peace and joy to the group, and the other two of us are brutally honest (ha!) but kind in doing so and keep us focused on Christ.<br />
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they challenge me to work through my struggles. they call me out when i'm going backwards or not speaking truth. they also love me when i'm having a hard time or just being fleshy.<br />
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i hope i do the same for them.<br />
<br />
if you see us out running you can know that we are praying, laughing, thinking of a fun route, and not letting Meghan lead us when there's traffic (homegirl will run out in front of a car!), you can know that Jennifer is telling us hilarious things her kids have done, Danelle is encouraging us to try a class at the Y and asking about our time with God, Theresa is telling us about her exciting life (we live vicariously through her) and making us laugh. And i'm probably saying i need to stop at the next bathroom, telling a story about G and making fun of myself.<br />
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i love how God brings us gifts we least expect (or sometimes desire.) i love how He knows what we need exactly when we need it. i appreciate that He gives us (me) gifts when we don't deserve it or even ask.<br />
<br />
my life is better because of the four friends. EVERY area of my life is better because of them. thanks for loving me girls. for being patient when my dang inner ear issues make me dizzy, for loving me when i'm still struggling with the same ol crap, and for leading me toward Christ in your speech and actions.<br />
<br />
i am so thankful.<br />
<br />kaci-justbecause.blogspot.comhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12882406931493230881noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-70767207893322360412015-11-05T07:51:00.001-08:002015-11-05T07:51:08.480-08:00Orphan Sunday<div class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">This <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1246712209" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Sunday, November 8</span></span> is Orphan <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1246712210" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Sunday</span></span>. Can I just be honest and say that until 2010 hearing about Orphan <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1246712211" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Sunday</span></span> wouldn’t have stirred so much emotion in my heart. Sure, I would have taken a moment in church (if it was even mentioned) to think about children growing up without parents and maybe I would’ve even given some money towards an orphanage….</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">But it would not have meant what it means to me now.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I remember like it was yesterday when I first heard about Vasa. Josh took me to lunch downtown and told me he & Claire felt called to adopt and were in the process of adopting a little boy from Russia.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I was floored! They already had three beautiful girls who I adored but hearing about an orphan completely hit me in a new way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I was just as excited to hear about Vasa as I was when they announced each one of Claire’s pregnancies. I was enamored by the adoption process and couldn’t wait to see every picture, follow every step of the journey and finally meet this precious boy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">At that point in my life I wasn’t even sure I wanted kids at all so I could NOT believe the emotions I felt for a little boy I had never met. PS, it’s not that I didn’t like kids… I loved every minute of my nieces but also saw how much work parenting could be! Yikes! I kinda liked my “easy” life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Little did I know God was using every bit of Vasa’s adoption to stir my heart for what God has planned for us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Josh & Claire were amazing through the entire adoption process. They were focused and worked very hard & diligently to bring him home quickly. All the while staying focused on raising the three precious girls that had at home AND preparing their hearts for a brother!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I probably drove everyone around me crazy during Vasa’s adoption. I shared every video and every picture I received with co-workers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">From the first picture my heart was gone….completely in love with this tiny blonde haired boy eating a bowl of watered down oatmeal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Orphan meant something different to me now. It wasn’t a generic term anymore. It was my nephew. He was REAL, he had a NAME, he had a face, an adorable giggle, a past, a now more hopeful future. He had a story…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I have watched videos of him from Russia so many times I can quote them like people quote movies. I know when every laugh comes, every Russian word uttered. I still watch them and sometimes weep.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I’m certainly skipping to the end here but I remember meeting him for the first time. I couldn’t help myself. Josh & Claire probably would’ve preferred we give them some time at home with Vasa before we popped in but I couldn’t help myself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I remember him laughing at standing at the window watching the dogs in the backyard. I remember him kissing Claire’s hand as she fed him. I remember him speaking Russian and wishing I’d studied more than the Chick-fil-a CD I’d been listening to (don’t laugh, that mess was legit!) I remember looking at him and thinking what an AMAZING God we serve that chose our family to get to know Vasa…this precious little boy from Russia. I remember being in awe of HIS plans for Vasa and being excited about what every step of this journey would look like. And being super pumped that I would get to watch it! I want to know him well and personally so I took the YoungLife/TA approach and have started writing him notes once a week. He writes me back (which is PREICOUS.) I hope to continue this with him (and my 4 nieces) so that as they grow older they feel free to share things with me. I want to share life, every part of life, with them!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I won’t pretend that every part of this adoption has been simple! Let’s be real, when they picked him up they basically had an infant that could walk. He couldn’t speak English, he didn’t understand what they were saying but he was mobile! YIKES. Josh & Claire have worked hard to help Vasa learn English, succeed in school, work through abandonment issues, etc. but I KNOW they would do it all over again in a heartbeat. NOT just because Vasa is adorable, hilarious and one of the coolest kids you’ll ever meet…but because they did what God asked them to do…and that obedience trumps all. I’m thankful for their obedient hearts and I know God is honored by them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Jeeah’s Hope plug here: the main reason I LOVE what I do is because I get to help families who have adopted from another country (or heck, domestically) not feel alone in the process. Not feel alone when their child from China or Russia (wherever) is freaking out! I get to connect them with other families, through big events and small gatherings, who can walk this journey with them. I LOVE IT.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">So needless to say Orphan <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1246712212" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Sunday</span></span> has a whole new meaning for me. When I see those faces I see Vasa. I see Gabe. I see Grant & Ruthie Perkins. I see <span style="color: #10131a;">Khushboo Amaris Ogden, Kashila Nayani Ogden and Rabina Rashmi Ogden. I see Tigner Hawk. I see Josiah Hord. I see Lily Wen & Jeeah (Ellie) Carslile. I see Micah Clark. I see Micah Jones. I see Biggie & Smalls Hebert. I see Heavenly McGinnis. I could continue on and name over 30 other children in Columbus who have been adopted with help from Jeeah’s Hope.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;"> I see children with a story…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">I am thankful that I get to work in a job that helps Orphans. I often wish I could do more. But I thank God for what He is doing and going to do for every one of these children that HE named and created for His glory.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 11pt;">Orphan <span class="aBn" data-term="goog_1246712213" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: dashed; border-bottom-width: 1px; position: relative; top: -2px; z-index: 0;" tabindex="0"><span class="aQJ" style="position: relative; top: 2px; z-index: -1;">Sunday</span></span> has a place in my heart. I think we’ll call it Vasa Dunlap.</span></div>
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Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-57777424658174642782015-09-09T08:08:00.004-07:002015-09-09T08:08:54.698-07:00Come on Dads and the devil is an A%$This summer I helped Teen Advisors prepare for their fall retreat. It was definitely bittersweet knowing I wouldn't be at the retreat for the first time in 13 years.<br />
<br />
I did easy jobs like write name tags, make blessing bags, make adult folders and coordinate transportation and facilities. Nothing difficult. I love doing tasks. LOVE IT. I know it may be strange but checking jobs off of a list is heaven to me. And I may not be super talented or brilliant but I am a fast worker. I can get things done crazy fast. I don't even know why. So doing things for the retreat is my favorite kinda job.<br />
<br />
My, not so favorite job, is reading the "write your heart out" forms that we ask the kids to fill out at the pre-retreat meeting. They are completely anonymous which gives the students freedom to truly write their hearts out....and they do.<br />
<br />
Every year my heart breaks at the crap these young students are facing. High school sucks. Don't you remember all the pressure?! I mean I had a BLAST my four years in high school but I can still remember the pressure to try to be cool/popular, to let go of my morals & standards to fit in, the desire to look or dress a certain way or drive a nice car, etc. Ugh. It's easy to look back and see that those things don't matter but when you are living it...when you are in the thick of it...it feels like it's all that matters.<br />
<br />
I wasn't super popular. I certainly didn't have a fancy car or trendy clothes. I somehow missed that I think....haha. I wore what was comfortable. I think the Lord kept me from falling into those pressures by keeping in my "funk stage" all the way from middle school to college. no joke. I was homely looking. So trying to be cool or snag the coolest guy at school wasn't even on my radar, ha. I laugh about it but I truly do think it kept me from a lot of sin and a lot of heart ache.<br />
<br />
Especially since I've struggled in adulthood with my self-image. Apparently I would've been a train wreck in high school too if I'd cared.<br />
<br />
Anyway, I digress.<br />
<br />
What I learned this year reading those write your heart out forms is that KIDS NEED THEIR DADS.<br />
<br />
I can assure you that at least 75 of the 150 students that filled out the forms mentioned their dad. Not in a "oh how I love my dad" kinda way either.<br />
<br />
Most of the comments read like this:<br />
<br />
"My dad left when I was three...."<br />
<br />
"I see other girls with their dads and they seem so happy. I'm not even sure my dad likes me."<br />
<br />
"My dad is having an affair..."<br />
<br />
"All my dad does is yell..."<br />
<br />
"My parents constantly fight and my dad never speaks to me."<br />
<br />
"We can go an entire car ride and my dad doesn't speak."<br />
<br />
"My dad is an alcoholic."<br />
<br />
"My dad got so drunk one night he fell into my room. I faked asleep. I saw him laying on the floor and he'd cut himself. I thought I may watch him die...I was so scared."<br />
<br />
"My dad yells at me at home and even in public. I try to tell him that it hurts and embarrasses me but he won't stop."<br />
<br />
"My dad constantly loses his temper. I wish I had a happy home like my friends."<br />
<br />
I could certainly go on. But you get my point.<br />
<br />
Mom's fail too. So I am not trying to say that women are perfect. But very few students mentioned their mom. Seriously, I think I read 5 about a mom.<br />
<br />
I think the enemy just KNOWS that fathers are important. That they set the tone for the house. That they help young girls understand their worth and how to be loved by a man. Satan knows that he can disrupt and entire home by getting the dad off track. I HATE him for that.<br />
<br />
So many people in my life lately are having problems with their husbands. I have several friends going through a divorce because of an unfaithful husband.<br />
<br />
I am FED UP with the devil. he is a liar, he is nasty, deceitful, evil and so slick. I am SO thankful to know that in the end the Lord is going to defeat him and trample his sorry A*% to the ground forever.<br />
<br />
But folks, we have to fight. We have got to pray for our husbands, fathers, uncles, brothers, etc. We have to pray for their protection, for them to make wise choices and steer clear of the enemies lies.<br />
<br />
Ladies, we have to step it up and encourage our husbands and thank them for following Christ and leading our family in His Truth.<br />
<br />
(Trust me I know that many women do this and their husbands still fall into sin.)<br />
<br />
I hate, hate, hate the enemy. I hate that he gets us where we are weak. Lord knows I fall into the same ol sin all the time. I hate that too.<br />
<br />
But I am boldly calling the Fathers out there that I know to step up their game. I have some ideas for you if you want them.... :)<br />
<br />
- Read scripture at supper every night.<br />
- Pray for your family as you leave the house in the mornings or on the way to school.<br />
- Write your wife and children notes that they can keep and reread encouraging them, loving on them and speaking TRUTH into their hearts. so that the enemy cannot trick them with his lies.<br />
- Take special time out to spend with each child doing something special.<br />
- Be annoying! Ask your (annoying, bratty, "I'm too cool for you" kid) how their day was and then tell them about yours. If you keep it up long enough they'll break! I promise.<br />
- If you have to, jot down notes after you talk to your child so that you can remember what test they having coming up, or who just broke up with who or who their best friend is for that day (ha) so that you can specifically ask about that later. That goes a LONG way!<br />
- remind your child often that they are smart, talented, beautiful/handsome, etc. they so need to hear that from YOU.<br />
- You can always tell them "3 reasons that you love them" like jay, gabe and i do daily :)<br />
- PRAY for them before they go to bed. I don't care if your child is 17. They won't forget that you PRAYED. DO IT.<br />
- Journal for them. Especially if they seem closed off and not wanting to talk. Simply keep a journal for them and leave it in their room from time to time. They'll read it.<br />
<br />
If you want more...let me know. I'll keep thinking :)<br />
<br />
But honestly Dads, if you will simply treat your family the way you treat folks outside of your house...it'll go a long way. Be kind. Speak to them! Make them LAUGH. Ask how they are doing and listen to the answer. Don't yell. Be gentle with their growing hearts. They way you respond to them SO SO effects their self image.<br />
<br />
My dad is fabulous. He's not a touchy-feely kinda dad. We don't hug, ha. I bet we've only hugged 20 times my entire life. He doesn't write me notes (unless it's a bday card and they are often sarcastic!) We don't say I love you all that often either. But I've NEVER, not a day in my life, doubted that he loves me. Know why?? Because he's always been kind to me, he's listened, he's answered my questions (dumb ones and complicated ones.) He's been a faithful father and husband. He's home A LOT. He didn't choose a night out with friends over us ever. He is involved in our lives. He's there when we need him for ANYTHING. He loves the Lord and lives a life that is evidence of it. He makes me laugh and laughs with me. He tells other people (who tell me) that he's proud of me.<br />
<br />
He's not perfect. But he's been consistent and faithful ALL of my life.<br />
<br />
Dads, if you can do that, you can love your kids straight to the feet of Jesus. DO IT.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-22158284234221820512015-08-12T16:39:00.000-07:002015-08-12T16:39:05.105-07:00it really is strange...this anxietyy'all. anxiety sucks.<br />
<br />
i've never dealt with anything like this in my life.<br />
<br />
since last november i have had dizzy spells, lightheadedness, some nausea and felt off balance. do you KNOW how annoying that is??????<br />
<br />
when i'm brushing my teeth i feel like i'm going to fall forward. even sitting here now i feel heavy headed and just not myself.<br />
<br />
i don't feel stressed. i do NOT sit around and think about terrible things or "what ifs" or worry about my life so it frustrates me that i have to deal with the physical symptoms.<br />
<br />
i sure do wish i understood why.<br />
<br />
i feel like a bad christian. like i should be able to pray past this! but it's still hanging around.<br />
<br />
i am taking medication and i guess it helps some.<br />
<br />
i do covet prayers. i want so badly to feel like myself again!!!<br />
<br />
dealing with something like anxiety is lonely. i sometimes get jealous that other people just "feel normal" and can go on about their lives doing whatever they want to do.<br />
<br />
i still do my normal activities but i never know when i may get lightheaded or feel off balance. i have gotten to a place where i can remind myself i don't have a brain tumor or something terribly wrong and i can calm myself down. the stupid physical symptoms stay with me but i just do my best to ignore them.<br />
<br />
i PROMISE i have tried every bit of advice i've been given. i do the breathing exercises, i exercise, i eat healthy, i stay away from caffeine, etc. but the symptoms are here.<br />
<br />
it's no fun. i TOTALLY understand that i have a great life and that people deal with much worse. i just wanted to share what i've been dealing with and why i haven't blogged as often!<br />
<br />
now on to more exciting things:<br />
<br />
i love love love my job with Jeeahs Hope. if you ever want a glimpse of Heaven, come to a JH event. seeing those precious kids playing together is AMAZING. join us in October for our fall festival :)<br />
<br />
i am BEYOND excited that college football is like 3 weeks away. it's truly the most wonderful time of the year.<br />
<br />
i'm ready for long sleeved t-shirts and shorts for my morning runs.<br />
<br />
i'm ready for scarves and boots. but NOT stupid cold!<br />
<br />
i'm not one of those i need pumpkin everything people...but i do love the colors of fall and the smell of pumpkin candles and pie :)<br />
<br />
i love seeing family more often around the holidays.<br />
<br />
i LOVE watching football every saturday with my boys. LOVE it. i basically spend saturdays in my pjs.<br />
<br />
i love decorating for Christmas in November....oh yes. i start at thanksgiving and sometimes before. don't judge.<br />
<br />
i hope that maybe cooler weather will help with some of my anxiety stuff. i don't know if the heat and humidity makes it worse but i sure am ready for that mess to BE GONE.<br />
<br />
i really would love to live somewhere that has less humidity or none. :)<br />
<br />
i am praying about finding another part time job. i am working PT for Jeeah's Hope but i think another PT job would be fun and help with our family income (for sure!)<br />
<br />
let me know if you know of anything! i'd need something kinda flexible. i do want to be able to be with G when i need to. i also will have JH meetings and stuff so i'd need to be able to do that when necessary. i know, sounds like finding another job may be complicated.<br />
<br />
do you know what my dream job is?? do NOT laugh. but i would LOVE to be someones administrative assistant. i LOVE to keep things organized, i love to be busy, i love tangible tasks, i love helping people get things done. i am a hard worker that can get things done quickly! i know it sounds lame to be a "dream job" but i would love it.<br />
<br />
sorry that this blog is a hodge podge of info. i'm just thinking out loud.<br />
<br />
i kinda miss being thin. i know i'm not huge but i miss being able to fit in anything i want! but i am learning to find joy no matter what size i am. ...it's just less fun to try on clothes and please don't ask me to wear a bathing suit.<br />
<br />
i'll end with some happy thoughts...<br />
<br />
- i have some fantastic friends that have loved me and walked me through this anxiety crap. i am so thankful. and one AMAZING Aunt who has listened and loved me non-stop. oh and ashley wright and bobbie fleenor too. I know i drove them nuts with questions in the beginning!<br />
<br />
- i have a fantastic husband too. he's patient when i'm struggling or just not feeling so great. he makes me laugh so hard. that's my favorite.<br />
<br />
- gabe is the coolest kid ever. simple truth.<br />
<br />
- i have been eating breakfast on the porch every morning (sometimes with my boys and Ellen!) and i LOVE it. it's relaxing and keeps me from watching TV for no reason.<br />
<br />
- Oh, and Ellen is living in our upstairs bedroom/loft area. i LOVE having her here. it's like having a girl friend to giggle and share life with and my boys who are my heart. too fun. she's been a blast.<br />
<br />
maybe my next blog will have a point!<br />
<br />
this time i just wanted to share how bad anxiety is and at least say hey :)<br />
<br />
pray for me! and let me know if you think of a job for me!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-49041206377686036452015-06-17T08:18:00.000-07:002015-06-17T08:18:06.082-07:00never would've guessed it.so back in november i started having some strange health issues. i've talked about them before. dizzy, lightheaded, etc. not vertigo room spinning kinda stuff. but random moments of lightheadedness...feeling like my brain was falling inside my head. weird, i know.<br />
<br />
i also felt nauseous often. but not enough to keep me from eating ;)<br />
<br />
i went to my regular doctor and they tried treating my symptoms and started testing me for everything.<br />
<br />
i took zofran for nausea.<br />
<br />
meclazine (sp?) for vertigo.<br />
<br />
i took stuff for heart burn and acid reflux.<br />
<br />
they did an ultra-sound of my organs....stomach, gall bladder, lungs, kidneys, etc.<br />
<br />
had my gall bladder removed. b/c ya know, maybe that's it?! i did have stones and sludge. gross.<br />
<br />
still the symptoms continued.<br />
<br />
ok, so we moved forward a little and had an MRI done. came out normal. (thank the Lord.)<br />
<br />
but the symptoms remained.<br />
<br />
it was/is depressing. it's hard to want to drive or go anywhere when you aren't sure how you're going to feel. it's lonely. it makes you feel like you are going crazy. no joke.<br />
<br />
ok so next we decide to check my thyroid. i did have numbers that showed under active thyroid in the past so we thought we'd check that AGAIN.<br />
<br />
so, nope. not my thyroid. still going back for one more test there.<br />
<br />
well, let's check my heart. so...i went to the cardiologist. they did an EKG, and echo-cardiogram and a stress test. all came back normal. ohhhh and i wore that obnoxious heart rate monitor for 24 hours. LAWD, that thing was annoying and huge.<br />
<br />
ok so then i was sent to a neurologist. Dr Khan, i hate to name names....but i do NOT recommend him.<br />
<br />
no joke, i almost laughed in his office. he would ask me one question. i'd answer with like half a sentence and he would type for like 3 mins. i swear he was emailing his wife or something and not even paying attention to me. it could'v been an episode of seinfeld.<br />
<br />
he did the normal neurology tests and then had an EEG done on me. that was so weird.<br />
<br />
sooooooooo next i went to my obgyn. not really because i thought he could figure me out. but because he is, hands down, my favorite doctor in the world. he cares about his patients and it shows. he is a godly man. i trust him and he's always been honest with me. even when i didn't listen....(cough cough) when he told me to gain weight...<br />
<br />
i went to him KINDA hoping we could blame my hormones. but he said all my blood work said they were normal. dang, can't blame those, for once.<br />
<br />
he was very sweet. he said he thought it was time i go somewhere else for answers. he recommended Emory. i tried SO hard not to fall apart in his office. i was scared, nervous and sad that i had to go to another doctor and Emory...?! that was scary.<br />
<br />
i asked him if i needed a referral. he said yes. he said, let me see if i can refer you...i've never done that. so he went and talked to his nurse. i prayed that i wouldn't cry in his office...<br />
<br />
he came back quickly and said, well that was easy! my nurse will call you with an appointment. then he gave me a hug (side hug!) and told me he was praying for me. again, almost lost it.<br />
<br />
so i left.<br />
<br />
i held it together until i got in my car. then i LOST it. i called jay crying like an idiot and told him i was being sent to Emory. we were both super thankful but the whole thing scared me.<br />
<br />
i promise y'all i trust the Lord. but i was so worn out by this point.<br />
<br />
speaking of trusting God. my original appointment with Emory was scheduled for the end of may. then i got a call at 4:50 on a monday afternoon in mid may. it was Emory. the nurse said they had an opening and wanted to see if i was interested in coming up early. YES PLEASE! i was so excited. so i asked when...she said, tomorrow morning at 8:30am. what?!<br />
<br />
ahh! so i said yes. then i said, oh wait, i haven't gotten results from my EEG. won't he want that before i come? she said probably. so i said, "dang, please keep me on the list in case someone else cancels and in the meantime i'll call Dr Khan and see if i can get my results sooner."<br />
<br />
so i hung up and called Dr Khan. she pulled up my name and said "oh we have your results."<br />
<br />
pause - ok then WHY were they going to make me wait another week to come BACK to get those results only to be told they were normal. so i would pay my $60 copay? lawd.<br />
<br />
anyway, she was sweet and said she'd fax them to Dr Bernstein at Emory.<br />
<br />
so i called back to Emory. the answering service answered. i was so sad. i asked if maybe the nurse was still there since she had JUST called. ugh. oh well. i got their fax # and told the Lord i trusted His timing.<br />
<br />
no lie, about 20 mins later a number from arkansas popped up on my phone. i never answer (in general) but much less an out of town number. but i did.<br />
<br />
y'all, it was the nurse! she said she heard i had called back and she put me down for 8:30 am the next morning.<br />
<br />
YAY!<br />
<br />
so i called my mom and told her i'd need help with g since we needed to leave at like 5:30am.<br />
<br />
i'll spare you ALL the details of the morning of and skip to the appt at Emory.<br />
<br />
we arrived right on time. ok wait, i do have to tell you that jay and i laughed like idiots in the waiting room. this old man was filling out his paperwork and he took it back up to the desk and said, "sorry i didn't finish i got writers cramp."<br />
<br />
we lost it. like idiots. like wiping tears. the nurses didn't even smile.<br />
<br />
ok, so they call me back. in walks this old man who i immediately trust and kinda want to hug. is that creepy?<br />
<br />
he came in and said, "hey kaci. so nice to meet you. i don't want you to start describing your symptoms. i just want you to answer my questions."<br />
<br />
ok...<br />
<br />
i said, yes sir! but then immediately handed him the dvd of my MRI. which he said, "i don't need to see it. it's normal right?"<br />
<br />
so then he pulls out some paper and starts drawing graphs. he started asking me things about my life. like how often i get headaches, etc. i was thinking (at first) you aren't asking the right questions!<br />
<br />
then he asked about my sleep habits. he asked if i fall asleep fast. yeah normally within 30 mins of going to bed. then he asked if i wake up during the night. i said, almost every night. his response was "and you are awake for at least an hour, right?" YES. then he asked what time i typically wake up. and before i said anything he wrote down "4am" and i said, "yes! somewhere in the 4am hour."<br />
<br />
so then he said, "i already know whats wrong with you."<br />
<br />
so he told me to get up on the doctors table thing... what is that called?<br />
<br />
he did all the normal neurology stuff. THEN he did the most interesting part of this whole journey for me!<br />
<br />
he pulled out a mirror and told me to hold it. so i did. he took his little reflex checker thing and hit me (gently) in the side of my face...kinda just under my cheek bone.<br />
<br />
y'all. i couldn't do it right now if i tried...but when he hit my left cheek the right side of my upper lip did an Elvis move. no lie. it curled up like crazy.<br />
<br />
he must've hit me 8 times and every time it did it.<br />
<br />
he said if he'd done that to someone that wasn't dealing with high anxiety their lip/face would NOT move.<br />
<br />
what?! that is so weird. i really wanted to ask if i could hit him in the face just to see. but i refrained.<br />
<br />
SOOOOOOOOOOO long story short, i have anxiety.<br />
<br />
i didn't want to tell anyone for several reasons:<br />
1. what? i do not feel anxious.<br />
2. it's a tad embarrassing. like i can't handle my life or something. i have a great life!<br />
3. i felt like a bad christian. like i don't trust God enough.<br />
<br />
he took jay and i in his office and explained all kinds of smart people stuff to us. but the paperwork he gave us did mention every one of my symptoms.<br />
<br />
except for swaying like i'm on a boat. that's the WORST. it's what i deal with mostly.<br />
<br />
again, i will spare you the extra details but i did try to deal with it on my own. i did try praying through it, being prayed over, talking to a counselor (which i will do!) and more.<br />
<br />
bottom line, i cannot live with the physical symptoms of anxiety.<br />
<br />
i don't feel stressed. but i DO feel the physical symptoms and it's unbearable.<br />
<br />
here's what the physical symptoms are have been for me:<br />
- feeling off balance<br />
- yes, i constantly feel like i'm rocking on a boat.<br />
- heat is a terrible trigger for me. it makes all of my symptoms worse. ugh. GA summers...no good!<br />
- headaches<br />
- did i mention i sway/rock even laying down? yes. it's that bad.<br />
- i think i have only had 2 anxiety "attacks" and they were TERRIBLE.<br />
<br />
Dr Bernstein (at Emory) did make me feel better. he told me that.....<br />
- my physical symptoms are REAL!! i am not making these things up! they are real and i am not crazy :)<br />
<br />
- that anxiety can be hormonal, environmental and/or hereditary<br />
<br />
- that i cannot control my symptoms. they are involuntary.<br />
<br />
that made me feel better because that (at least helped!) take away the sting of thinking i was doing something wrong. or this was my fault.<br />
<br />
after weeks of texting my nurse/pharmacist friends and praying i did decide to start taking the medication he prescribed. and talking to a family member that deals with anxiety....gosh, love you so much.<br />
<br />
i'm only on day 3. i PRAY this will help. i pray i won't have to keep trying different drugs. (i didn't mention i have tried 3 others but they all made me feel high. not that i've ever been high...)<br />
<br />
but i realized without medication i couldn't function :( the rocking on a boat had taken over my life.<br />
<br />
here's a few things i've learned:<br />
- trusting God doesn't mean we can't ask for help....or take help when its offered.<br />
- prayer is powerful<br />
- life is precious. feeling "normal" and being able to function normally daily is something i hope i NEVER take for granted. it's been a long time since i've simply felt myself...no symptoms.<br />
- that my mom is one tough woman! she has been so helpful through this. ALL of my family has<br />
- we never know what people may be dealing with! it makes me want to really stop and ask people how they are doing and how i can be praying for them...and stop then to pray!<br />
<br />
i could go on.<br />
<br />
this is, by far, the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with. i DO NOT feel anxious. i don't feel stressed. but the physical symptoms of anxiety prove to me that somewhere in there i'm anxious!<br />
<br />
so i am asking the Lord to show me places in my life that may trigger it or make me anxious/stressed.<br />
but i'm also thanking Him for modern medicine (trust me, i tried the herbal stuff too.) and for Doctors, friends, family and folks that simply care!<br />
<br />
so, no shame up in here! i have anxiety. and if you've ever dealt with it at this level (or any level) i am so sorry. it is NO JOKE.<br />
<br />
believing for quick relief. amen!? <br />
<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-21935346907915103272015-06-08T06:29:00.002-07:002015-06-08T06:31:39.623-07:00this thing called running....Lawd knows I have a love/hate relationship with running! I love the idea of it. And during fall and spring I actually love it. But summertime is a different story. Good grief, there is no way to escape the Georgia humidity. (I mean, unless I leave GA.)<br />
<br />
I haven't always been a runner. Not AT ALL.<br />
<br />
I didn't play sports or do anything active really growing up. I tried dance at one point. I think I did it for a year. Wasn't my thing.<br />
<br />
I also did gymnastics when I was 15. Yep, 15. A group of us girls decided we wanted to give it a shot our freshman year. I think they were all good at it. I, on the other hand, was a train wreck.<br />
<br />
I may have attempted gymnastics as a kid too. But I don't remember it...which makes me think it was traumatizing therefore I forgot it.<br />
<br />
I also did ballet at age 30. NO woman in her 30's should wear pink tights and a leotard. Well, that's not true. Some women can. THIS woman should not have. I hated that mess. I felt like those pink hippos on the Disney channel. I was clumsy and not at all graceful.<br />
<br />
But my first year working with TAs (maybe 2nd) I was set up by some TAs with a runner. I won't name names b/c that might be weird. Anyway, he was a big runner. I don't think I cared at all that he actually ran....I just wanted legs like his!!<br />
<br />
Seriously, that vain reason is the only reason I started running. I remember him taking me to lake bottom park and helping me learn to run. When I started I couldn't run more than 30 seconds without taking a break. Yes, I was that pitiful.<br />
<br />
He kept working with me though. I wouldn't describe him as patient, kind or even encouraging as a "coach." As a boyfriend, he was all of the above, but when we were running the devil came outta that guy, ha!<br />
<br />
I remember telling him that I hated him, I hated running, calling him names, etc when we would run. So apparently the devil came out of me as well.<br />
<br />
I'll never forget me telling him one day that I couldn't go any farther. I told him I was going to puke. And I did. Did he let me stop?! Oh no, he said "you should feel better now so let's go!"<br />
<br />
Awesome.<br />
<br />
I'll never forget the time I ran the full outside of lake bottom without stopping. It's a mile & a half if you just run the outside of both sections. I was SO PROUD of myself. I remember calling my parents and my brother to tell them. I probably called the guy I was dating too....he probably said something like, "that's it?"<br />
<br />
Seriously when I got to the point that I could run 2 miles without stopping he would run with me and then go on his run...which was like 20 miles.<br />
<br />
We (obviously) ended up breaking up but he continued to help me and coach me. Well, until he started dating a girl that would NOT let him talk to me. Boo. But no worries, that's when Adam Pugh stepped up and has been my "coach" ever since. Thanks Adam!<br />
<br />
I have had so many great running buddies through the years! Sarah Jane Hebert was one of my first after the guy couldn't talk to me anymore :) She was one of my TAs so we would run after school. Thinking back I don't know how we did it! We'd do like 8 milers late in the day. Gross! We must have been nuts.<br />
<br />
She ran with me the morning of my wedding. I'll never forget it :)<br />
<br />
There were several years in there that I mostly ran by myself. Thinking back I don't know how I did it. How boring!! 10 miles alone? whew. I was dedicated!<br />
<br />
I had some sporadic running buddies for a while but nobody really cared to run as early as I like to or as far so by myself it was!<br />
<br />
Then came Madison Montgomery. We met her sophomore year in high school through TAs. We are the same person so we became instant friends. We didn't start running together regularly until her Junior year in high school, I think. But once we started running our friendship blossomed for sure. Running buddies know EVERYTHING!!! This girl knows everything about my life. How could she not? Running 30+ miles a week with someone you are bound to share ALL.<br />
<br />
We've been through it all together! We've laughed while BOOKING it to the nearest bathroom, we've laughed about relationships, Gabe isms, how much we hate running, how much we love running, we've come up with at least 5 different routes around this town and they all have names. Here's a few for ya: the ghetto run, the UA run, the happy place, the CSU run, the el carrizo run (even though it wasn't there anymore), the big A*& hill run (that'd be owsley)...I could go on.<br />
<br />
We trained together and nailed our first marathon together! Oh LAWD. If you'd like to relive that day with me go back and read:<br />
<br />
http://kaci-justbecause.blogspot.com/2012/11/tackling-beast.html<br />
<br />
We still run together. She's my best friend and I love her like a sister.<br />
<br />
Danelle McNew came along in my running life because she was friends with Madison. We have spent MANY miles and hours together on runs. She is a precious friend who has prayed and walked through life with me like no other. We've shared the same struggles and victories. I love that girl. Same with Meghan Stewart. I call her the "running bully" because she is fast and can't even help herself! She's FAST. But she also is a fabulous, faithful friend who encourages me to pursue Christ with everything I've got.<br />
<br />
I also know have another group of running buddies. It all started with a very RANDOM Sunday morning run with Shelley Walls, Colleen Meeks and Jennifer Lamb. Out of nowhere Shelley asked the 3 of us to join her on a Sunday morning run. So we met at Manchester park and ride and ran 8 miles together. That group never ran together again (not all together) but Jennifer and I kept that Sunday morning run going and have kept it going for almost 2 years!<br />
<br />
It has become one of the sweetest groups. It's a random group! We never know who will be joining any particular run but it doesn't matter. WE JUST LOVE IT and each other.<br />
<br />
Yesterday Derrick Shields did a sermon about staying "fit" spiritually and physically. And I can honestly say this group of girls helps me do both.<br />
<br />
I'm kinda like a man when it comes to hanging out. I'm not good with coffee or lunch dates with girl friends. I am MUCH better if we are DOING something together. That's probably why I love the fellowship that comes with running.<br />
<br />
These girls love me on good days and bad. They have prayed with me and for me while running!! Those moments are so very special. We will just pray out loud while running for whatever need is mentioned. I LOVE IT. These girls challenge my faith, push me physically and have become forever friends.<br />
<br />
I KNOW the Lord put them in my life "for such a time as this" because they have walked with me through this crazy journey of anxiety and other health issues.<br />
<br />
I thank the Lord for them daily! Charity said yesterday that our group could've done the break point testimony at CCC. I agree!! We are doing life together.<br />
<br />
To close I'll list a few reasons I love these ladies:<br />
- they are honest.<br />
- we hold each other accountable<br />
- we pray<br />
- we laugh<br />
- we share our hurts, fears and joys. I mean really SHARE them.<br />
- they push me!<br />
- they ask tough questions...<br />
- we all love Jesus and honor our spouses in the way we speak of them<br />
- they understand almost pooping your pants on a run<br />
- Theresa knows a lot about everything. And is simply hilarious.<br />
- Charity can give running shoe advice!<br />
- Jennifer and Shelley can teach us all about parenting!<br />
- Meghan and Danelle definitely push us in our faith, love that!<br />
- I don't know what I offer the group......ha ha ha ha?!<br />
- Madison brings YOUTH! ha we're all "old" ladies and she's young and fresh :)<br />
<br />
So this, friends, is why I run.<br />
<br />
Fellowship. Fitness. And because of the ladies it helps me grow in my faith.<br />
<br />
AND because when you are running 26.2 miles you need A LOT of faith. Can I get an AMEN?!<br />
<br />
Love you ladies.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-448805627717349371.post-59216718936705102062015-05-27T07:25:00.001-07:002015-05-27T07:25:05.974-07:00just thinking and may offend folks....it is my last week at teen advisors where i've worked for 13 years. wow, it's wild to think about leaving this job. i have loved meeting 1000's of students and getting to walk with then through life. i have LOVED getting to work in an office that is filled with His presence and is a delightful place to be. i will miss my co-workers terribly. thankfully we live in the same town so i can see them whenever i want to :) i will miss the pantry...always filled with deliciousness. i will miss praying with the staff once a week, sharing funny stories and laughs, and sharing the burden of kids that grow up with some crappy parents and struggles. i'll never forget the hurts our students shared. those memories will keep me praying for teens.<br />
<br />
another reason i won't stop praying is my nieces. they are growing (too quickly!) and starting to deal with the drama that is middle school. i hear them share about their friends and the pressures they feel in school and it's hard. they don't even have HARD things yet but i know the pressure is there and i know it is REAL.<br />
<br />
it reminds me of my own middle school years. i was a chunk in middle school. well, high school too but didn't care as much by then :) being a chunk did NOT make middle school an easier. to me, middle school is close to hell. ha! it's awkward, nobody understands what is happening to their bodies, it's just gross....eww.<br />
<br />
i wasn't picked on often for me weight. but the few comments that were made towards me during those years STILL sting. i won't name names (although my flesh wants to!) but i still remember standing outside of my CHURCH when a punk boy said to me, "hey kaci, why don't you do yourself a favor and call jenny craig?" yep, he said that. i laughed it off. but yet, here i am 36 years old and can still recall where i was standing, what i was wearing and how those words felt.<br />
<br />
i'd like to pimp slap that guy still today.<br />
<br />
so in my mind/heart i know comments like that are being made to people i love. maybe not about weight but inevitably about something.... i wish i could be invisible and go everywhere with my nieces, nephew and g and pull the hair of any bully or punk that comes along but i know i can't.<br />
<br />
but here's what i CAN do. i can pray for them. for their hearts and minds to stay focused on Christ and not the fleeting foolishness of this world. it's so stupid. middle schools is 3 years of a kids life. WHYYYYYYYY do we allow them to feel so pressured?<br />
<br />
a friend of mine talked to me about how bothered she was going to her daughters awards ceremonies. not that she has an issue with awards! her daughter, in fact, nailed it and won several awards. but she was sad for the students who only got the "certificate of completion" and were basically ignored during the ceremony. she also mentioned her daughters middle school having a "prom king and queen." WHAT???????? that is asinine. she said dozens of middle school girls were running to the bathroom in tears when they lost. that is crazy.<br />
<br />
now i'm not one of those "everyone is a winner" type folks but good grief.......a middle school prom queen???<br />
<br />
it's all just a popularity contest. and like my friend said "we spend all year teaching our kids that everyone matters, not to bully, not to think someone is superior to another and then we go and do just the opposite." Lawd help us all.<br />
<br />
here's where i may step on toes........<br />
<br />
PARENTS: some are the dang problem!! here's my advice (granted i have a 3 year old so i know nothing really.....EXCEPT that i have worked with your kids and heard how they REALLY feel about the pressure put on them....)<br />
<br />
STOP STOP STOP pushing your kids to be cool. stop pushing them to be popular. good grief, its so stupid. let's teach them about character, being a person of integrity, seeing people as Christ sees them.<br />
that is going to take them A LOT further in life than being a freaking middle school prom queen.<br />
<br />
STOP STOP STOP putting them in outfits and bathing suits made for ADULTS and posting it all over social media. gah, i am flabbergasted sometimes at the pictures folks post. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON those poor kids. for LOTS of reasons: 1. perves. they are everywhere. 2. there is simply no need for the world to see a half covered 12 year old. 3. for a chubby girl who ended up on the other end...struggling with a borderline eating disorder....it's NOT helping other girls. trust me.<br />
<br />
it's fine if the kids are dressed. i enjoy seeing those type pictures but keep purity in mind please :)<br />
<br />
don't teach your daughters that they have to look a certain way. you are teaching them that (even without words) when you throw their pictures out there for the world so see....and comment on! what if someone doesn't think your child has an ok figure......then you're throwing them to the wolves...and they'll be 36 still remembering harsh words.<br />
<br />
also, i have sat in my living room for 13 years and listened to girls talk about the pressure their moms put on them. (dads too!) whether its making perfect grades, losing a few pounds, being the star of the next school performance or doing well in sports....they are so so so effected by your words.<br />
<br />
encourage your kids to be healthy! encourage your kids to do their best in school and extra curricular activities. but for the sake of us ALL.....spend most of your time encouraging them to live lives that honor God. dress in way that honors him. (i'm NOT talking long denim dresses, lawd knows i don't dress like that...but cover yourself.) talk to them about being kind. talk to them about LIFE. middle school and high school are fleeting. we want our kids to get into the world and have a good head on their shoulders. nothing is more sad to me than folks who are still living their "glory days" of high school when the rest of us have moved on, ha!<br />
<br />
Lawd, am i being mean? i don't mean to be!<br />
<br />
i just know that kids need/desire parents who:<br />
- spend time with them<br />
- listen to them<br />
- teach them about life, making good choices, and how to be a successful person<br />
- eat supper with them at least 4 nights a week<br />
- pray with them<br />
- create an environment of grace<br />
- don't pressure them to be the best at everything...just try their best!<br />
- set boundaries and stick with them<br />
- tell their kids they love them and are proud of them<br />
- care more about their childs future than the petty things of middle/high school<br />
- PARENT. stop being friends. that comes during college. be their PARENT<br />
<br />
i pray that i raise G to do his best at everything he tries. i hope i teach him that honoring God is the most important thing he will EVER do with his life. i pray that he sees me praying, doing my quiet time, and seeking Him so that those things are a natural part of life. i pray that he knows that i love him no matter what. more importantly that God loves him no matter what. i pray that i teach him to respect girls....no matter what they look like, what size they are, or how much money they have. i pray that as he grows and has friendships that his friends walk away from time with G feeling better about themselves, encouraged and refreshed. i pray that Christ is evident in him (and in me.) i pray that he will be successful in everything he tries!! but that he gives himself grace when he fails. i pray that he cares more about others than himself. i pray that he sees people the way Christ does. i hope that i raise him to be fun and easy to be around. i hope he keeps his integrity in high school instead of throwing it away to "be cool" or popular. i pray that he finds a mentor who will speak TRUTH into his life...even if it hurts! i am already praying for that person in Gs life. (no worries, i will do it in a heartbeat but i also know the benefit of someone else, not jay or myself, that can straighten him out when he's tempted or being foolish.<br />
<br />
i hope i don't offend folks with this. i guess 13 years of conversations with teenagers is flooding my mind this morning and wishing i could make a difference.<br />
<br />
kids are KIDS. don't make them grow up too fast. let them be kids. yep, even middle schoolers. PARENT them. guide them towards Christ and encourage them to stay pure and focused on Him. you won't regret it and LAWD knows they won't.<br />
<br />
i'm done. don't hate me.<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com0