just because

i have several friends going through hard times. it makes me sad and keeps me on my knees. i do trust God to be with them, walk with them, and comfort them. life is fun but can be hard. i've got a friend who is dealing with a sick mom, another with a drug/alcohol addicted father who isn't doing well, another with a drug addicted brother who is in jail, another going through a really hard break up, and another with a sick grandmother. all of them are on my heart this morning. i am thankful for prayer. i am thankful that i (we) can find rest in Christ when things are hard and don't make sense. these struggles also remind me to shut up about my petty struggles. good grief. my heart is also heavy for Holden. i want so badly to hear that he has been adopted.  i'm in a strange place when it comes to our family adopting again. of course, i'll do whatever we feel God desires for us. but i have fears...legit ones and selfish ones. legit... - adoption...

last week was really weird for me. it had some really great moments and some tough ones. i guess that could be true for any week. but i had some super hard days. not fun. please know, its rare that i get a good nights sleep. disclaimer for this entire blog... it started out pretty good. been working through some changes at work and all of that seemed to fall into place. i am thankful for a job that allows me to change aspects of my job to make being a mom a little easier. (an away from home working mom...) the enemy did creep in a little with work stuff though and had me thinking i'd failed. that if i'd just worked harder or been more creative i could've juggled it all with no guilt. ugh. i just hate how the enemy (just the opposite of God!) tries to turn good things into bad things. jerk. did i mention i don't sleep? so tuesday was pretty good. we started our new small group that evening. ohhhh i just loved it. i love having people in my house, sharing life. ...

when i get overwhelmed my eye starts twitching. thats been happening for about an hour now. sometimes i feel guilty (as a christian) for allowing myself to get overwhelmed or stressed about life. i KNOW that God is able, faithful, dependable and in control. so why do i let myself get in a tizzy? (i've never said that in my life...) i wish i didn't. i am going to work on staying calm and at peace when things seem iffy. there's a lot on my mind right now. a LOT. Gabe is 2. we're learning this age comes with a little more...let's call it "spunk!" my heart is to always treat him with love and respect. i am having to learn how to discipline in a loving tone and manner. jay and i want to be consistent in our response to his spunky moments and in our parenting. we feel like we have a pretty good grasp on putting ourselves in his position, thinking of ways WE can change instead of demanding HE change. he is 2. he cannot always express how he feels and wh...

just thought i'd blog since i haven't in a while. no point. Lawd only knows... i tried to watch downton abbey (sp?) last night for the second time. i can't do it. i have NO CLUE what they are saying. i'm out. you may have read my status on fb yesterday but i saw katherine webb (AJ McCarrons girlfriend) at lunch. let's just go ahead and talk about how she has never had a hardees thick burger. that commercial is a lie. she was thin. and beautiful. thankfully jay blocked her from my site. self.esteem.killer. i can say that lately i have been really at peace with my body. i guess like every girl (most girls) i have bad days but i don't weigh myself, EVER. and i just eat healthy, workout and figure thats good enough. no extra pressure to stay a certain size. amen. i am addicted to "the mindy project." i cant help myself. that show makes me laugh out loud. i tried for a couple weeks, when it was stupid cold, to eat breakfast before working out. (...

well g is napping and jay is hunting so i thought i would blog. it's dangerous when i don't have a topic... i cannot believe its already new years eve. seems weird to start 2014. i'm not really a goal setter in general so making a new years resolution seems extra pointless for me.  i certainly have things i'd like to do. definitely changes i'd like to make. but i wouldn't call them resolutions. hmm, let me think of what i might like to see happen in 2014... - new curtains in our bedroom - wear makeup and real clothes more often - take more pictures - stay in Gods Word more consistently - pay more attention to people around me - read more - slow down - see jays family more often - hopefully a potty trained g. i'm scared. never had a penis, don't know how to train one.  things i'm pumped about in 2014... - meeting sweet Julianna Asher Dunlap!!  - watching g grow up and being able to have real conversations with hi...

well christmas is over. no worries. i've been listening to christmas music since oct and had my decorations out since nov 15. NO SHAME. truth = i did take down all my christmas stuff and clean my house before we left town on dec 22. again, no shame. i like to come home to a clean house. we celebrated christmas with my family last saturday. i started the day with a 10 mile run (4 of them with a friend, yay julia!) and then got myself ready to go my folks. my mom told me the day before that we were having a "different" meal but there would be something for everyone. haha. she wasn't kidding! it was awesome and hilarious. listen to this... for the men:  steaks. and they were DELISH. i think it was beef tenderloin. for the kids: pancakes! chocolate chip, regular and an assortment of fruit to eat on top or with it. also: some egg souffle that was so good. tomato gravy, rolls (i think?) for me: sweet potatoes for everyone: homemade eclairs (YUM) and homemade...

you know how you can hear something numerous times but then for some reason you hear it again and it just clicks?? well that happened for me several weeks ago and it has been life changing... when it comes to other people or life in general i wouldn't consider myself a negative thinker. but when it comes to myself...i have been very much a negative thinker. i put myself down often. sometimes i would just think bad thoughts in my mind and other times i would say them out loud. well, precious DeeDee taught us about the tremendous effect our words have on our lives. she taught about it for an hour and a half at our last growth group. but i told her afterwards she couldn't stopped after her first sentence and it would've been enough to convince me. she said, "In the beginning, God believed and spoke creation into being." His WORDS created!! wow. that grabbed my heart and mind. so since then i have really been challenging myself to watch my thoughts ...