y'all know me

It's July and it's not hot. I just wanted to say that. I am thankful that it isn't crazy hot and humid. I may miss some things about GA but summer ain't one of them.

I thought I'd give a little Lesley update. Let's start with G since he is every one's favorite.

That kid.

He is so flippin' cute. Nothing about that kid gets old.

He loves this NM life. He loves skiing. He told me this morning that he wishes he could do it everyday. He has a love/hate relationship with golf. Mostly love.

He is enjoying horseback riding. Although the time before last he let go of the reigns and that sweet little guy was flopping all around on the horse and eventually fell off. I stayed calm. But my friend and I couldn't figure out how to get the gate open so I gave up and limbo-ed (made up that verb) through the gate to get to him. He was completely freaking out. But Marvin made him buck up and get right back on. He did. I was so proud.

I probably wouldn't have gotten back on that fast. One time when I was like 15 my horse jumped on another horse and I FREAKED. I had to ride back the rest of the way with our guide. I was 15. Homeboy is 6 and got back on. Bless it.

G is loving summer break and isn't pumped about school starting next month. So we don't bring that up.

He still says things that wipe.me.out. Most of them I share on FB so I won't list them now. But this morning he took off running to the bathroom and came back in saying, "I showed that diarrhea who's boss."  so there's that.


Church is going really well. Gosh, we have the best core group of folks involved. I wish you could meet each one of them. They all bring so many gifts to the Village Church. Every one of them make me laugh and make doing life together super easy. I am so so so thankful.

We are moving church to the park once a month this summer to join in our Cool Summer Night concert series. That has been a lot of fun. I love the concert series so (of course) I love getting to setup a VC booth and let people learn more about who we are. Last month we gave away a ton of Frisbees, water bottles with our logo on it, crosses one of our guys made and homemade goodies from one of our ladies. So much fun.

Jay is doing an amazing job of leading VC. He does double duty with worship and teaching but does both really well. I won't lie. I was a tad nervous when I found out he'd be preaching because I'd only experienced him teaching youth (for the most part) and I thought...Lawd this is going to be interesting. But y'all he is bringing it every week. I am so proud.

He is also playing at one of our restaurants here in town twice a week and at our RV resort once a week. Everyone is loving him. I am thankful people enjoy him like I do.

And me....

I sure do wish I could update everyone and let y'all know I'm doing "better than ever" but the truth is I am struggling again...

I am doing a better job of fighting off the negative thoughts (most of the time) but I am struggling with self-image again.

I promise it's not nearly as bad as when I lived in Columbus. It doesn't completely control my thoughts and attitude towards life. But those negative thoughts and self-talk have come creepin' back in.

I.hate.it.

I truly despise it. I hate that I let something as stupid as my pants size upset me. I hate that I care what I look like.

I hate that I am embarrassed of my body. Poor thing - it works so hard. I still do workout really hard and love it. I just don't see the changes I wish I would.

I haven't gotten to the point that I won't go places and do things. UGH. I remember that crappy life. And in the name of Jesus I am NOT going back there.

So sadly I'm not completely living in the freedom that I once was. I do believe I will get back there though.

I try to remind myself that I eat healthy and exercise so I can't get down on myself. It's not like I just lay around eating donuts all day. So I shouldn't beat myself up so much.

I also try to remind myself that nobody else flippin' cares what I look like and nobody is judging me. But I have a hard time letting that sink in.

Ugh, I'm so embarrassed to be confessing this old struggle again. But y'all know me. I tell all.

In happier news - I LOVE my job. I absolutely love being "benefits and HR coordinator." I LOVE getting to plan the resort employee parties, I LOVE getting to spend time loving on our employees who work so dang hard 7 days a week. I LOVE getting to help people figure out their employee benefits both insurance (ok I don't LOVE it but I like it) and fun benefits.

In other happier news -

I am diggin' the new Ben Rector album. Listen to it.

I have started working out with one of our golf pros several days a week. He's kicking my tail and I love it. It's the closest thing to Uncommon Athlete around here so y'all know I love it.

I get to see my FAMILY next week. We all meet Sunday and I.can't.wait. Get those sweet girls and Vasa in my face NOW. I can't wait to hug my parents and laugh with Josh & Claire.

Gosh, that will be good for my (weary) heart.

53 days until college football. 51 until Thursday night games. BRING.IT.

I have some fabulous friends in this town. I could not be more thankful. We laugh a lot. We are honest about parts of life that are hard. We play golf together (that's an experience.) We have fun parties and simply do life together. I am thankful.

Don't hate me for struggling again. I'll "pull it together" as G put it when I asked him to pray about my self-image struggles.