just because

i'm not a preacher. i don't even enjoy theological talk. my relationship with Jesus is simple and thats how i (i hope we!) like it. it's Good Friday.  the day we slow down and think about what Jesus did for us. wow. i am overwhelmed by what He did for us. jay always likes it when i give the "kaci version" of a movie or a book, etc. i tend to paraphrase and just hit the highlights. (sometimes i make fun of things...) but not Jesus. (i'm already sweeping porches in Heaven. i'm not picking fights with Jesus!) so here's the kaci version of what Jesus did. He left the perfectness of Heaven. i won't lie. the thought of Heaven excites me and confuses me! i wonder what i'm going to do FOREVER. i mean, thats a LONG time!!  i trust that it will be perfect and amazing! but my earthly mind can't wrap around FOREVER... i know that God is much bigger than me. so His plans for Heaven will certainly be awesome. here are some things i'm hopi

gosh, yesterday was one of those days. i was so.very.sad. no reason. just sad. ugh it was hard. everything i did felt like it took every ounce of my energy. not just physical things. conversations, pretending to be happy when really i just wanted to crawl in a hole, etc. not fun. jay always knows when i'm sad. not b/c i cry. i typically don't cry. but b/c i'm quiet. i talk a lot. :) so jay knows if i don't have any words....somethings wrong. he's so patient with me though. he allows me to have feelings :) he does his best to encourage me but also knows its ok to just leave me alone. he's so cool. i was sad and grumpy.  i must confess i was not looking forward to our small group. but i KNEW it was going to be just what i needed. thats how God works with me sometimes. the one thing i dread the most and want to run away from...He uses to bring me joy. last night was perfect. we laughed wayyyyyy too much. i loved every minute. we still talked through our

y'all know i will share anything. i probably over share...but whatever. a week or so ago i had a friend tell me she was struggling with depression and asked if i had ever dealt with it. why yes. yes i have/do... i know most of the folks who read my blog have heard my story. i feel like i tell the same ol stuff all the time. so i wont go into every detail but i'll tell enough to make my point :) growing up i can hardly remember ever feeling sad much less depressed. i may have had a bad day or sad moments but honestly i can't remember them now. i had such an amazing childhood. very devoted, involved parents (but not overly involved like reading my journal or trying to plan my life!) they were always there. i knew they would be home after school, i knew we would sit down and have supper at 6pm every night and i knew i could tell them anything. what an amazing gift. that being said - i took that relationship and assumed (rightly so!) that God loved me the same way. that

i've still got more questions from my niece so i thought i'd knock some out today. here we go! worst movie i ever saw? wow. hmm. rambo maybe? it was awful. i'm not one of those anti-violence people. but that movie was RIDICULOUS. body parts flying off...no story line...good grief.  i also think movies like "the day after tomorrow" are dumb. what was my first car? did i pick it out? was it a hand-me-down? my dad is norman dunlap. so YES it was a hand-me-down! ha. it was a white nissan sentra. (i think) and i drove that joker into the ground. i wore it out like i did my big wheel when i was a kid! that poor car rattled and shook when i finally got rid of it. good times in that car though, good times! after it...wow. i had a trooper (which was almost flipped on numerous occasions), a honda accord (the old school kind w the automatic seat belt...i was cool), maybe an altima?, a malibu (sweet norm got me that and it was new), a maxima, a camry, another maxima, r