just because

well g is napping and jay is hunting so i thought i would blog. it's dangerous when i don't have a topic... i cannot believe its already new years eve. seems weird to start 2014. i'm not really a goal setter in general so making a new years resolution seems extra pointless for me.  i certainly have things i'd like to do. definitely changes i'd like to make. but i wouldn't call them resolutions. hmm, let me think of what i might like to see happen in 2014... - new curtains in our bedroom - wear makeup and real clothes more often - take more pictures - stay in Gods Word more consistently - pay more attention to people around me - read more - slow down - see jays family more often - hopefully a potty trained g. i'm scared. never had a penis, don't know how to train one.  things i'm pumped about in 2014... - meeting sweet Julianna Asher Dunlap!!  - watching g grow up and being able to have real conversations with hi

well christmas is over. no worries. i've been listening to christmas music since oct and had my decorations out since nov 15. NO SHAME. truth = i did take down all my christmas stuff and clean my house before we left town on dec 22. again, no shame. i like to come home to a clean house. we celebrated christmas with my family last saturday. i started the day with a 10 mile run (4 of them with a friend, yay julia!) and then got myself ready to go my folks. my mom told me the day before that we were having a "different" meal but there would be something for everyone. haha. she wasn't kidding! it was awesome and hilarious. listen to this... for the men:  steaks. and they were DELISH. i think it was beef tenderloin. for the kids: pancakes! chocolate chip, regular and an assortment of fruit to eat on top or with it. also: some egg souffle that was so good. tomato gravy, rolls (i think?) for me: sweet potatoes for everyone: homemade eclairs (YUM) and homemade

you know how you can hear something numerous times but then for some reason you hear it again and it just clicks?? well that happened for me several weeks ago and it has been life changing... when it comes to other people or life in general i wouldn't consider myself a negative thinker. but when it comes to myself...i have been very much a negative thinker. i put myself down often. sometimes i would just think bad thoughts in my mind and other times i would say them out loud. well, precious DeeDee taught us about the tremendous effect our words have on our lives. she taught about it for an hour and a half at our last growth group. but i told her afterwards she couldn't stopped after her first sentence and it would've been enough to convince me. she said, "In the beginning, God believed and spoke creation into being." His WORDS created!! wow. that grabbed my heart and mind. so since then i have really been challenging myself to watch my thoughts

i really love Jesus. i am truly amazed by Him and His faithfulness. this week has been full of miracles in the life of the Robbins. i get weepy thinking about it all. simply precious. if i tried to share all the details of their story, i'd fail. here's a link to their blog :) http://us4.campaign-archive2.com gabe is the coolest kid ever. some of my favorite G things lately... - he says "thank you, you're welcome" all together and i love it. - he is enamored with christmas stuff just like me! - he cracked us up the other night. jay put him down and he said "bye bye" which is normal. but then he kept talking and playing in his crib. so jay kept saying "go to sleep!" and gabe would reply "night night!" too.darn.funny. - we went to visit the Robbins at the medical center. he must've said "ride" and "robot" 100 times. he thought the machine that checked keris vitals was a robot. - mom got him some rockin&

good grief. jay was gone on a staff retreat last tues - thurs. so gman and i had some sweet alone time. sad part is that G wasn't feeling 100%. took him to the doctor on tuesday. they gave him $30 cough syrup (what?!) and said he would be fine. even checked his ears and said they looked good. by friday he seemed better. still congested but seemingly happy. we had a wedding rehearsal that night but bc jay had been gone most of the week i skipped friday nights festivities and stayed with g.  THANK THE LORD jay came home and skipped rehearsal dinner bc by 7pm g was NOT himself. crying uncontrollably (he hardly cries...) jay took him to our room and laid down with him. and he was not ok. his eyes were rolling back in his head, fever super high and we could tell he was in PAIN. like fools we thought it was bc of an ulcer on his tongue. he kept pointing to it so we thought that was it. put oragel on it and hoped for the best. no such luck. we were up all night. i cried

today i am wearing my shirt with jays initials on it :)  its one of my favs. i love jay. a lot. i loved him before he loved me (in the loooove, romantic way) i like the he looks kinda scary but he's really the nicest person you'll ever meet. i like knowing he could kick some tail if he needed to. i have seen him attack someone. random story...it was the sunday before our wedding. we were driving to my parents house for supper and some guy on the side of the road was throwing rocks at cars. he hit the car in front of us and hit our windshield. jay pulled over as did the car ahead of us. jay and the other guy chased down the rock thrower. the guy tried to climb a fence. jay pulled him down and held him in headlock until the police arrived. it was cool. jay doesn't get mad easily. but he was pissed. i was mad but more mad that this idiot rock guy was making me late for supper. home girl gets ill when its time to eat. back to jay... i like that he does stupid th

i think that life is hilarious. granted there are things that suck and make life hard/sad...but so many things crack me up. let's talk about some.... i have already decorated for christmas. i LOVE christmas lights. but i am too embarrassed to hang my wreath on my front door. so i still have two scarecrow looking things on my porch...and it's christmas inside. i figured out that cheerios jack my stomach up....badly. the reason this is funny is b/c if i eat them and then go running...it's not good hahaha. watch out! i think it's funny that my dad sends emails that just say what he demands haha. nothing else. no hello, no i love you...just info. cracks me up every time. gabe loves spicy things. that makes me laugh. salsa, peppers, etc. he's keeping to his latino roots :) here's a funny thing.... i'll be 35 friday. that is entirely TOO close to 40 for my comfort. but here's the funny part... i have pretty much every symptom of being PRE-MENOPAUS

i wish that my blogs were profound and full of wisdom. but i'm pretty sure that's never going to be the case. i'm not theological and i don't think before i start a blog so let's just let that dream go! happy friday. i have had an interesting, somewhat challenging couple weeks...spiritually. we have a girls staff growth group on thursday afternoons led by Dee Dee Stephens. it is the highlight of my work week. i love it. i just want to take a minute and tell you how much i LOVE D2. seriously, she is fabulous. she's honest, encouraging, WISE, loving and faithful. she's walked through a lot of junk with me and i am a better Christian, wife, mom, and employee because of it. everyone should get to spend time with D2. it's only fair. anyway, our group is fun. someone (almost) always cries. we share very honestly about everything. i appreciate the fact that D2 doesn't even mind if we share about work stress or discouragement. the past couple weeks

i just figured i should write a happy blog since i've been on rants here lately. so here we go...no point just happy thoughts... one of my favorite things at the TA office is hearing people trip up the steps. happens all the time. gabe and jay are so darn cute on mondays. it's their hang out day. jay refers to it as manday instead of monday. they typically start out with a big breakfast at cracker barrel. then head out to do manly things. yesterday they went to get jays muffler worked on, get some keys made, and to best buy. i love to see them together. it really is precious. i've mentioned before that gabe and jay wrestle every night. now gabe goes and gets on our bed and says "dada!!!" when he's ready for wrestle mania. when jay is gone in the evenings gabe still expects wrestle time. i am sure i am a disappointment. i don't understand the joys of slamming each other around, pushing, etc. i don't like it at all. boys. remember how i blogged

honestly i thought about just spouting off all my thoughts in this post. but instead i'm going to keep it positive. (mostly!) can i tell you what makes me proud?! :) seeing godly men treat girls/women as they should be treated. i started dating (like going out on dates not the "he's my BF" silliness of middle/grade school...) my freshman year in high school. but my senior year my dad took me out on "dates" every tuesday night. we'd go to dinner, talk, laugh and share life. it was fabulous. you know why he did it?...other than my moms suggesting i'm sure!) so that i KNEW how i should be treated on dates and in a relationship. he valued me. he asked me ahead of time. he asked where i wanted to go. he listened when i talked. he respected me, encouraged me, challenged me and made me feel worth it. i feel like this generation has stopped taking dating seriously. they just "hang out" and are friends with benefits. they don't ask

i wish i was getting in the car tomorrow and repeating last weekend. what a fun trip. i am ridiculously blessed with a fun, cool family. really, its almost not fair. my parents took all the kids. (well...) and they fed them crap the entire trip. they had a junk bend for lunch. it was full of chocolate, ranch pretzel bark, chex mix, m&m's (of all sorts), all the candy you could imagine, choc covered raisins, i could go on... mom and i came up with gift bag ideas for each kid. with all their favorite "normal" people snacks and then random snacks specific to each kid - like olives for allie and gabe. but i'm not sure they did that. mimi, poppy and the kids all left before us. so the cabin was good and broken in when we arrived :) josh and claire stopped by the grocery store so they were a bit behind us. jay and i are kinda like the "other kids" in the family. they don't really rely on us for much...haha. kinda sad. vasa was first to greet us!

i am so excited to blog about our fall family fun extravaganza. i had a blast. details will come in my next post. i have to start with the most amazing thing... i am somewhat of a control freak. i love routine. i like knowing what is ahead and how to plan for it. spontaneous is not a word those closest to be would use to describe me. i don't think that trait is a sin by itself. but when you tell God that YOU are in control rather than allowing Him to be...thats when it becomes a problem. a big, nasty one. LOOOOOOOOONG story short... for lots of years now (like 8 or 9) i have been aware of part of me that felt gross, dark, kinda like a wall between me and God. don't get me wrong. i have been in a relationship with Him all this time. We've had some amazing moments, millions of hard and precious talks, lots of prayers, etc. but i still felt a sadness. i knew it was a Kaci thing not a God thing. i just couldn't put my finger on it. can i be honest...for some of

not sure why it caught me off guard when some people commented negatively on my "sex is for married people" post. it's ok though. i'm not backing down. i love Jesus. i'm not ashamed of loving Him. i was raised in a godly house. my dad is retired minister and my mom studies Gods Word like nobodies business. i am forever thankful for that. their unconditional love, teaching, and actions towards me made understanding Gods love easy for me. at an early age i understood that Jesus died for me. that HE is the only way i am cleansed, forgiven and able to be in a relationship with God. i am fully aware of my sinful nature. but i am also, thankfully, fully aware of His sacrifice for my sins. i know that there is nothing good i can do apart from Christ. i know that i need Him every hour! yes, i fail miserably at times. but He never fails. amen! i shared about purity and abstinence for lots of reasons. none of it being to make someone feel bad for decisions they have

twice last week i was reminded about how many kids/teens are having sex. the thought of it terrifies me. for lots of reasons...but one (big one) is gabe. i dont want him to grow up surrounded by all this mess. drugs, sex, just doing whatever is "cool" and accepted. forget that mess. i want him to stand up for himself and live a life of integrity. making wise choices. choices that honor us and mostly God. here's what i grew up thinking/knowing/believing...   sex is for married people . make fun of me if you want. i dont care. not one bit. i waited until i was married and don't regret it. YEP, 27 years i waited. go ahead, mock me. see if i care! of course i havent taken any time to think through this before blogging. but here i go (on my rant...) top 10 reasons to wait til marriage: 10. God said to. that could be #1-10. 9. once you have it, it's easier to keep having it. then you quickly become "that girl/guy." i could use more descriptive ter

my sweet friend dianna cash blogs a thankful thursday list each week. i'm going that route today since what i wanted to blog about what a rant.... and it wasn't pretty. here's what i am thankful for (some will be pointless. whats a kaci blog without pointless info.) gas x. being able to hold back tears when i would otherwise embarrass myself. hearing gabe sing to himself. laughter. unsweet tea only being $1 at dunkin donuts. (free donut scent too.) the food network. college football, sports radio (only during college football) and colin cowherd. anna justice and molly baker. always. country life vegetarian restaurant. that jay doesn't care that i hardly ever wear makeup and real clothes. that TAs Inc doesn't care that i hardly ever wear makeup and real clothes :) Fall. good news for my cousin today. thank you Lord.  avocados a body that works. i am very thankful for my health. getting a letter in the mail (often) from kristen hall. sweet new frie

well who knew?! i pulled up my blog and realized this post will be #100. how fun. i figured...the perfect way to celebrate would be 100 dumb/random thoughts from kaci. LAWD help. here we go! 100. cats truly are evil. and gross. 99. i can't help it that God didn't give me an ounce of love for animals. take that up with Him. 98. i do not write i's in a capital letter pretty much ever. 97. i do not edit or proofread my blogs, ever. 96. i am almost always chewing gum. 95. unless i'm in a skirt i sit indian style at meals. 94. i've always wanted to be a red head. 93. i can't believe i have to come up with 92 more thoughts. 92. i love getting hand-written notes. 91. my favorite candle scent is vanilla. 90. i can't wear perfume b/c it gives me a headache. (or smelly lotions, deoderants, etc.) 89. sometimes when i count backwards i skip numbers. 88. i count when i walk up steps. 87. every time i go to fresh market i sample the coffee and some type o

i have lots of thoughts going around in my mind today. no worries, they are mostly stupid. but i thought i'd just blurt it all out on paper. first thought is how thankful i am for first responders and our armed forces. enough said. gabe is so much fun right now. he says "hey" every time he walks in the room. makes me giggle. if you want G to give you a kiss....don't ask for it. it won't happen. just tell him to give you one and he will. (just some insider info.) i was not a patient mom on sunday. i don't think G ever knew it. but in my heart i was being selfish and fleshy. i wanted to sit quietly and drink my coffee. i wanted to put on makeup without him stealing my stuff or crawling all over me. i kept my tone kind but my heart was ugly inside. i asked him to forgive me. i don't like that part of me. i also don't like the part of me that gets caught up in stupid stuff. and imma just be honest and tell (the 3 of you that read this, ha.) that

since i have been discouraged for the past couple days, i thought i'd blog about TA Fall Retreat things that make me happy. God's attention to detail and faithfulness. overwhelms me...never ceases to amaze me. riding up to the retreat with precious Clara McBride. 2.5 hours of sweet conversation and the smell of fresh baked brownies. doesn't get any better! watching 163 students sign a contract to live lives of integrity. watching 36 college students (that sign the same contract) love on students. laughing with and at: aaron wall, sam webb, logan wilson, and DB woolbright. these guys make my life better. listening to gabe pagan share his life story and seeing the impact he's making immediately! camp lees copy machine. debbie bergers faithfulness to bring coffee every morning. jonathan moore's rockin' coffee making skills. seriously he could put coffee shops out of business. YUM. the entire Hawk family. ms Pat. she has the best smile on the p

gabe woke up at 4:30am and was pretty honest with his desire for milk...so i scrambled out of bed and stumbled my way to the kitchen. of course i tripped over a few toys on my way. then opened the cabinet and a bottle fell from pretty high up and hit my toe, hard. it was more painful that it sounds! i've been up since. i had my normal (large) amount of coffee this morning but i'm still half asleep. it's always dangerous when i have no reason/point to my blog. here we go! gabe says "tant tu" (thank you) constantly and i LOVE it. so precious. he's so much fun. he truly is. i don't know why God chose us to be his parents but i am SOOOOOO glad He did. what a cool blessing. i love christmas. i'm already excited. i love christmas lights! i love christmas trees. i love christmas movies, decorations, smells (like food!), weather, music...ahhh i love it all) that's why this is my most favorite time of year. ALL of my favorite things are just a