just because

i'm just going to type. so enjoy. i ate more than jay did on thanksgiving. yes, more than jay. i had THREE, count 'em, THREE plates of food. i couldn't even drink my tea i was so full. who's got time for tea? what i really wanted to do was grab the sweet potato souffle that jill made and sneak into the back with a fork...or just my face. i could take a nap in that mess.   so.dang.good. really, my heart still gets giddy thinking about jills sweet pot souf. oh my. gabe loved all of the thanksgiving grub. what a fun kid. i even ate a normal dinner. jay ate like a tiny sandwich. what? no need in skipping a meal just b/c one was LARGE and obnoxious, right?! we almost went to see lincoln last week. but then we saw that it's almost 3 hours long. homegirl cannot sit through a movie for that long. unless i'm on my couch in pjs. even then i will most likely sleep. we went to barnes&noble instead and read magazines. we love doing that. so relaxing. except for...

i am exhausted. i am mad. in fact, i am fighting mad. so (hold me accountable!) i am going to battle. i hate "giving credit" to the enemy. i hate when i let satan get a foothold in my heart & mind. i mentioned several blogs back about feeling like a bad mom... those feelings have not gone away. in fact they have intensified. it sucks. my mind has been overwhelmed with negative thoughts. constantly... - you aren't a good mom or wife. - you should teach gabe more. - you aren't good at your job. - you should feel guilty for having to leave gabe for work. - you should work more. you aren't as involved as you used to be. - your house stay messy. get it together. - you are a disappointment. - why can't i be more like my mom? she never seems to get tired. - i need to get myself together. - jay deserves better. - gabe got sick b/c of me. i should've kept him warmer, away from kids, etc. - you shouldn't run or workout. you should be at ...

marathon complete. yeet. last week was nuts. gabe was so sick. he had strep & pneumonia in his right lung. broke my heart. he had a horrible cough, heavy breathing and just looked pitiful. mom & jay did an amazing job doing the breathing machine with him. notice i didn't say i did a good job... i wigged out. i did not step up to the plate. i just watched sad & stunned at the whole thing. i did, however, threaten the lives of the pharmacists that tried to tell me they had to order gabe's medicine. i kindly (ish) told them they better drive around columbus and GET homeboys medication. they got it. i prayed (selfishly) that after months of marathon training that i wouldn't get sick. madison and i had worked so hard. i just wanted to DO this dang marathon. i was calm most of the week. but thursday my nerves kicked in. whew, i was a nervous wreck. all i could think about was 26.2 daunting miles ahead of me. it was not fun. friday i was a little more calm. m...

i feel like i am the only person whose status every day in november isnt something i'm thankful for. so i figured i'd just go ahead and list my thankfuls on my blog... these are in no certain order and Lord knows i will leave things out. i'm skipping all the obvious things too (ex: family, jay, gabe, God, etc.) random things i am thankful for: the tea at countrys. so very good. (unsweet) the person who created deodorant pb2 christmas everything. i love it. contacts. i would hate to have to wear my glasses all the time. madison montgomery. best running buddy ever. i love that girl. i dont have to dress up for church the butter at texas roadhouse gum target funny people handwritten notes when stores have hand sanitizer (especially when its just outside the bathroom door, brilliant!) salad bars. really, i love 'em. compression socks the one beautiful yellow (during fall) tree the mads & i run by at least twice a week. bites of jays food uncommon ath...

my sweet niece victoria gave me some blog ideas. she mentioned stories about my brother and/or listing our likes & differences. sounds fun. here goes... i'll list first. it's easy. he is very well-dressed. always looks super nice & put together. me = not so much! seriously, he shops at nice stores. i only shop sale racks at cheap stores. he even looks good when he's "bumming" it. yeah, its that ridiculous. i call him for advice on shoes, outfits, what goes with what, etc. its awesome. he doesn't even have to try to look nice. he has a slim figure (without ANY effort) so things just fit him well. not fair. he will give give give anything! he is willing to give anything he has for someone else. i am too...i just dont have anything to give, ha! he gives his time, energy and resources to help folks in his life. i love that about him. claire is the same way. they amaze me. he can have candy sitting around him and not eat it. i don't understa...