grace His marvelous grace
His grace is sometimes too much. i am just so thankful.
i don't deserve an ounce of His marvelous grace, love and friendship. but i am overwhelmed by it.
i haven't been thinking like i should lately. i've allowed some old thoughts to come creeping back in. i am confessing for several reasons: 1. to bring it into the light 2. for prayer :) 3. because i probably share too much, ha.
y'all know i hate my struggle. i do. i AM still living in freedom as far as food & exercise goes. i don't feel tied down or bogged by either. BUT my clothes are ill fitting and that is hard. (i can't afford a completely new wardrobe so forgive me if you see A LOT of repeats!)
i went to the Lord yesterday with the question "how much is too much?" when it comes to weight gain. i don't know what He said/thought...
BUT He has, despite my fleshy-ness, given me such encouragement...
this week is prayer week at CCC. if you know me you know this is one of my least favorite weeks at CCC. (again confessing) it's hard b/c Jay is gone most nights from 5-8:30 or so. that's prime Lesley 3 time!!!!! but Jay is so good to remind me to do it with a good heart & attitude. (which makes me want to punch him in the moment but really does work.)
anyway, i texted him monday night and asked how it was going. he said, "good and i think i have something for you. still working through it."
so when he got home i (in my ignorance) thought it was a gift...so i started guessing stupid things like "a maid? i get to retire? etc." he said, "no something from God."
what?????? BEST GIFT EVER, right?!
if you know me you also know i ask God to tell Jay things b/c he hears better than i do from the Lord. probably b/c i talk to much....
anyway, he said this may not mean anything to you but this is what i feel like God was saying. he said that someone read from Genesis where God was looking for adam and eve in the garden after they had sinned. they were hiding in shame for what they had done.
he said after hearing that he felt like God was saying "tell kaci i'm looking for her. i'm not mad. she does not have to live in shame, guilt or embarrassment." (ok i'm paraphrasing what jay said God said bc i can't remember it word for word...Jays going to write it down for me but you get this gist.)
y'all.
i have been living with shame, embarrassment and guilt for over 8 years now for walking away from Him concerning my self-image/weight, etc.
i didn't doubt His love for me through the whole mess but i still felt such SHAME for being so gross and vain. (which obviously i sometimes still am....ugh.)
it was such a precious reminder. wow, God...who made the entire universe...was thinking of ME on a monday night in october...does that not blow your mind??????????
and it's not just me. Lawd knows! He is thinking of US. what? i hope hearing that and knowing that NEVER gets old or loses its wonder.
that Word isn't just for me...He's looking for you too...in the garden...where you may feel shame.
another PRECIOUS way He reminded me of His love was in my first note back from my niece Allie.
i certainly won't share all that she wrote but her opening line meant THE WORLD to me...
"oh my gosh i'm so glad you asked me to be your pen pal! i love your writing so much and i love anything that involves you!"
oh.my.heart.
i feel the same way about her and my entire family.
and my prayer is i can say that same thing back to my Heavenly Father. amen?
i don't deserve an ounce of His marvelous grace, love and friendship. but i am overwhelmed by it.
i haven't been thinking like i should lately. i've allowed some old thoughts to come creeping back in. i am confessing for several reasons: 1. to bring it into the light 2. for prayer :) 3. because i probably share too much, ha.
y'all know i hate my struggle. i do. i AM still living in freedom as far as food & exercise goes. i don't feel tied down or bogged by either. BUT my clothes are ill fitting and that is hard. (i can't afford a completely new wardrobe so forgive me if you see A LOT of repeats!)
i went to the Lord yesterday with the question "how much is too much?" when it comes to weight gain. i don't know what He said/thought...
BUT He has, despite my fleshy-ness, given me such encouragement...
this week is prayer week at CCC. if you know me you know this is one of my least favorite weeks at CCC. (again confessing) it's hard b/c Jay is gone most nights from 5-8:30 or so. that's prime Lesley 3 time!!!!! but Jay is so good to remind me to do it with a good heart & attitude. (which makes me want to punch him in the moment but really does work.)
anyway, i texted him monday night and asked how it was going. he said, "good and i think i have something for you. still working through it."
so when he got home i (in my ignorance) thought it was a gift...so i started guessing stupid things like "a maid? i get to retire? etc." he said, "no something from God."
what?????? BEST GIFT EVER, right?!
if you know me you also know i ask God to tell Jay things b/c he hears better than i do from the Lord. probably b/c i talk to much....
anyway, he said this may not mean anything to you but this is what i feel like God was saying. he said that someone read from Genesis where God was looking for adam and eve in the garden after they had sinned. they were hiding in shame for what they had done.
he said after hearing that he felt like God was saying "tell kaci i'm looking for her. i'm not mad. she does not have to live in shame, guilt or embarrassment." (ok i'm paraphrasing what jay said God said bc i can't remember it word for word...Jays going to write it down for me but you get this gist.)
y'all.
i have been living with shame, embarrassment and guilt for over 8 years now for walking away from Him concerning my self-image/weight, etc.
i didn't doubt His love for me through the whole mess but i still felt such SHAME for being so gross and vain. (which obviously i sometimes still am....ugh.)
it was such a precious reminder. wow, God...who made the entire universe...was thinking of ME on a monday night in october...does that not blow your mind??????????
and it's not just me. Lawd knows! He is thinking of US. what? i hope hearing that and knowing that NEVER gets old or loses its wonder.
that Word isn't just for me...He's looking for you too...in the garden...where you may feel shame.
another PRECIOUS way He reminded me of His love was in my first note back from my niece Allie.
i certainly won't share all that she wrote but her opening line meant THE WORLD to me...
"oh my gosh i'm so glad you asked me to be your pen pal! i love your writing so much and i love anything that involves you!"
oh.my.heart.
i feel the same way about her and my entire family.
and my prayer is i can say that same thing back to my Heavenly Father. amen?
Comments
Post a Comment