just thinking and may offend folks....
it is my last week at teen advisors where i've worked for 13 years. wow, it's wild to think about leaving this job. i have loved meeting 1000's of students and getting to walk with then through life. i have LOVED getting to work in an office that is filled with His presence and is a delightful place to be. i will miss my co-workers terribly. thankfully we live in the same town so i can see them whenever i want to :) i will miss the pantry...always filled with deliciousness. i will miss praying with the staff once a week, sharing funny stories and laughs, and sharing the burden of kids that grow up with some crappy parents and struggles. i'll never forget the hurts our students shared. those memories will keep me praying for teens.
another reason i won't stop praying is my nieces. they are growing (too quickly!) and starting to deal with the drama that is middle school. i hear them share about their friends and the pressures they feel in school and it's hard. they don't even have HARD things yet but i know the pressure is there and i know it is REAL.
it reminds me of my own middle school years. i was a chunk in middle school. well, high school too but didn't care as much by then :) being a chunk did NOT make middle school an easier. to me, middle school is close to hell. ha! it's awkward, nobody understands what is happening to their bodies, it's just gross....eww.
i wasn't picked on often for me weight. but the few comments that were made towards me during those years STILL sting. i won't name names (although my flesh wants to!) but i still remember standing outside of my CHURCH when a punk boy said to me, "hey kaci, why don't you do yourself a favor and call jenny craig?" yep, he said that. i laughed it off. but yet, here i am 36 years old and can still recall where i was standing, what i was wearing and how those words felt.
i'd like to pimp slap that guy still today.
so in my mind/heart i know comments like that are being made to people i love. maybe not about weight but inevitably about something.... i wish i could be invisible and go everywhere with my nieces, nephew and g and pull the hair of any bully or punk that comes along but i know i can't.
but here's what i CAN do. i can pray for them. for their hearts and minds to stay focused on Christ and not the fleeting foolishness of this world. it's so stupid. middle schools is 3 years of a kids life. WHYYYYYYYY do we allow them to feel so pressured?
a friend of mine talked to me about how bothered she was going to her daughters awards ceremonies. not that she has an issue with awards! her daughter, in fact, nailed it and won several awards. but she was sad for the students who only got the "certificate of completion" and were basically ignored during the ceremony. she also mentioned her daughters middle school having a "prom king and queen." WHAT???????? that is asinine. she said dozens of middle school girls were running to the bathroom in tears when they lost. that is crazy.
now i'm not one of those "everyone is a winner" type folks but good grief.......a middle school prom queen???
it's all just a popularity contest. and like my friend said "we spend all year teaching our kids that everyone matters, not to bully, not to think someone is superior to another and then we go and do just the opposite." Lawd help us all.
here's where i may step on toes........
PARENTS: some are the dang problem!! here's my advice (granted i have a 3 year old so i know nothing really.....EXCEPT that i have worked with your kids and heard how they REALLY feel about the pressure put on them....)
STOP STOP STOP pushing your kids to be cool. stop pushing them to be popular. good grief, its so stupid. let's teach them about character, being a person of integrity, seeing people as Christ sees them.
that is going to take them A LOT further in life than being a freaking middle school prom queen.
STOP STOP STOP putting them in outfits and bathing suits made for ADULTS and posting it all over social media. gah, i am flabbergasted sometimes at the pictures folks post. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON those poor kids. for LOTS of reasons: 1. perves. they are everywhere. 2. there is simply no need for the world to see a half covered 12 year old. 3. for a chubby girl who ended up on the other end...struggling with a borderline eating disorder....it's NOT helping other girls. trust me.
it's fine if the kids are dressed. i enjoy seeing those type pictures but keep purity in mind please :)
don't teach your daughters that they have to look a certain way. you are teaching them that (even without words) when you throw their pictures out there for the world so see....and comment on! what if someone doesn't think your child has an ok figure......then you're throwing them to the wolves...and they'll be 36 still remembering harsh words.
also, i have sat in my living room for 13 years and listened to girls talk about the pressure their moms put on them. (dads too!) whether its making perfect grades, losing a few pounds, being the star of the next school performance or doing well in sports....they are so so so effected by your words.
encourage your kids to be healthy! encourage your kids to do their best in school and extra curricular activities. but for the sake of us ALL.....spend most of your time encouraging them to live lives that honor God. dress in way that honors him. (i'm NOT talking long denim dresses, lawd knows i don't dress like that...but cover yourself.) talk to them about being kind. talk to them about LIFE. middle school and high school are fleeting. we want our kids to get into the world and have a good head on their shoulders. nothing is more sad to me than folks who are still living their "glory days" of high school when the rest of us have moved on, ha!
Lawd, am i being mean? i don't mean to be!
i just know that kids need/desire parents who:
- spend time with them
- listen to them
- teach them about life, making good choices, and how to be a successful person
- eat supper with them at least 4 nights a week
- pray with them
- create an environment of grace
- don't pressure them to be the best at everything...just try their best!
- set boundaries and stick with them
- tell their kids they love them and are proud of them
- care more about their childs future than the petty things of middle/high school
- PARENT. stop being friends. that comes during college. be their PARENT
i pray that i raise G to do his best at everything he tries. i hope i teach him that honoring God is the most important thing he will EVER do with his life. i pray that he sees me praying, doing my quiet time, and seeking Him so that those things are a natural part of life. i pray that he knows that i love him no matter what. more importantly that God loves him no matter what. i pray that i teach him to respect girls....no matter what they look like, what size they are, or how much money they have. i pray that as he grows and has friendships that his friends walk away from time with G feeling better about themselves, encouraged and refreshed. i pray that Christ is evident in him (and in me.) i pray that he will be successful in everything he tries!! but that he gives himself grace when he fails. i pray that he cares more about others than himself. i pray that he sees people the way Christ does. i hope that i raise him to be fun and easy to be around. i hope he keeps his integrity in high school instead of throwing it away to "be cool" or popular. i pray that he finds a mentor who will speak TRUTH into his life...even if it hurts! i am already praying for that person in Gs life. (no worries, i will do it in a heartbeat but i also know the benefit of someone else, not jay or myself, that can straighten him out when he's tempted or being foolish.
i hope i don't offend folks with this. i guess 13 years of conversations with teenagers is flooding my mind this morning and wishing i could make a difference.
kids are KIDS. don't make them grow up too fast. let them be kids. yep, even middle schoolers. PARENT them. guide them towards Christ and encourage them to stay pure and focused on Him. you won't regret it and LAWD knows they won't.
i'm done. don't hate me.
another reason i won't stop praying is my nieces. they are growing (too quickly!) and starting to deal with the drama that is middle school. i hear them share about their friends and the pressures they feel in school and it's hard. they don't even have HARD things yet but i know the pressure is there and i know it is REAL.
it reminds me of my own middle school years. i was a chunk in middle school. well, high school too but didn't care as much by then :) being a chunk did NOT make middle school an easier. to me, middle school is close to hell. ha! it's awkward, nobody understands what is happening to their bodies, it's just gross....eww.
i wasn't picked on often for me weight. but the few comments that were made towards me during those years STILL sting. i won't name names (although my flesh wants to!) but i still remember standing outside of my CHURCH when a punk boy said to me, "hey kaci, why don't you do yourself a favor and call jenny craig?" yep, he said that. i laughed it off. but yet, here i am 36 years old and can still recall where i was standing, what i was wearing and how those words felt.
i'd like to pimp slap that guy still today.
so in my mind/heart i know comments like that are being made to people i love. maybe not about weight but inevitably about something.... i wish i could be invisible and go everywhere with my nieces, nephew and g and pull the hair of any bully or punk that comes along but i know i can't.
but here's what i CAN do. i can pray for them. for their hearts and minds to stay focused on Christ and not the fleeting foolishness of this world. it's so stupid. middle schools is 3 years of a kids life. WHYYYYYYYY do we allow them to feel so pressured?
a friend of mine talked to me about how bothered she was going to her daughters awards ceremonies. not that she has an issue with awards! her daughter, in fact, nailed it and won several awards. but she was sad for the students who only got the "certificate of completion" and were basically ignored during the ceremony. she also mentioned her daughters middle school having a "prom king and queen." WHAT???????? that is asinine. she said dozens of middle school girls were running to the bathroom in tears when they lost. that is crazy.
now i'm not one of those "everyone is a winner" type folks but good grief.......a middle school prom queen???
it's all just a popularity contest. and like my friend said "we spend all year teaching our kids that everyone matters, not to bully, not to think someone is superior to another and then we go and do just the opposite." Lawd help us all.
here's where i may step on toes........
PARENTS: some are the dang problem!! here's my advice (granted i have a 3 year old so i know nothing really.....EXCEPT that i have worked with your kids and heard how they REALLY feel about the pressure put on them....)
STOP STOP STOP pushing your kids to be cool. stop pushing them to be popular. good grief, its so stupid. let's teach them about character, being a person of integrity, seeing people as Christ sees them.
that is going to take them A LOT further in life than being a freaking middle school prom queen.
STOP STOP STOP putting them in outfits and bathing suits made for ADULTS and posting it all over social media. gah, i am flabbergasted sometimes at the pictures folks post. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON those poor kids. for LOTS of reasons: 1. perves. they are everywhere. 2. there is simply no need for the world to see a half covered 12 year old. 3. for a chubby girl who ended up on the other end...struggling with a borderline eating disorder....it's NOT helping other girls. trust me.
it's fine if the kids are dressed. i enjoy seeing those type pictures but keep purity in mind please :)
don't teach your daughters that they have to look a certain way. you are teaching them that (even without words) when you throw their pictures out there for the world so see....and comment on! what if someone doesn't think your child has an ok figure......then you're throwing them to the wolves...and they'll be 36 still remembering harsh words.
also, i have sat in my living room for 13 years and listened to girls talk about the pressure their moms put on them. (dads too!) whether its making perfect grades, losing a few pounds, being the star of the next school performance or doing well in sports....they are so so so effected by your words.
encourage your kids to be healthy! encourage your kids to do their best in school and extra curricular activities. but for the sake of us ALL.....spend most of your time encouraging them to live lives that honor God. dress in way that honors him. (i'm NOT talking long denim dresses, lawd knows i don't dress like that...but cover yourself.) talk to them about being kind. talk to them about LIFE. middle school and high school are fleeting. we want our kids to get into the world and have a good head on their shoulders. nothing is more sad to me than folks who are still living their "glory days" of high school when the rest of us have moved on, ha!
Lawd, am i being mean? i don't mean to be!
i just know that kids need/desire parents who:
- spend time with them
- listen to them
- teach them about life, making good choices, and how to be a successful person
- eat supper with them at least 4 nights a week
- pray with them
- create an environment of grace
- don't pressure them to be the best at everything...just try their best!
- set boundaries and stick with them
- tell their kids they love them and are proud of them
- care more about their childs future than the petty things of middle/high school
- PARENT. stop being friends. that comes during college. be their PARENT
i pray that i raise G to do his best at everything he tries. i hope i teach him that honoring God is the most important thing he will EVER do with his life. i pray that he sees me praying, doing my quiet time, and seeking Him so that those things are a natural part of life. i pray that he knows that i love him no matter what. more importantly that God loves him no matter what. i pray that i teach him to respect girls....no matter what they look like, what size they are, or how much money they have. i pray that as he grows and has friendships that his friends walk away from time with G feeling better about themselves, encouraged and refreshed. i pray that Christ is evident in him (and in me.) i pray that he will be successful in everything he tries!! but that he gives himself grace when he fails. i pray that he cares more about others than himself. i pray that he sees people the way Christ does. i hope that i raise him to be fun and easy to be around. i hope he keeps his integrity in high school instead of throwing it away to "be cool" or popular. i pray that he finds a mentor who will speak TRUTH into his life...even if it hurts! i am already praying for that person in Gs life. (no worries, i will do it in a heartbeat but i also know the benefit of someone else, not jay or myself, that can straighten him out when he's tempted or being foolish.
i hope i don't offend folks with this. i guess 13 years of conversations with teenagers is flooding my mind this morning and wishing i could make a difference.
kids are KIDS. don't make them grow up too fast. let them be kids. yep, even middle schoolers. PARENT them. guide them towards Christ and encourage them to stay pure and focused on Him. you won't regret it and LAWD knows they won't.
i'm done. don't hate me.
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