not anxiety...

did i ever tell y'all that my issue is NOT anxiety? i meant to. (not that i think anyone really cares, ha.)

i'd like to state for the record that I WAS RIGHT. all along i told the doctors that my issue was not anxiety. i'm not an anxious person! i recognized that the only reason i was anxious is because of my other symptoms! you try being dizzy and off balance and NOT being anxious. LAWD.

i tried to accept the anxiety diagnosis. i took the meds. allowed them 6 weeks to get into my system. and i will confess i was less anxious....AFTER i had dizzy spells and felt off balance (along with other symptoms.)

i truly thought the anxiety meds would heal me. i thought my days of struggles were over.

not so much.

after several months of continuing to feel off i started researching ways to get rid of my symptoms. i kept reading that vestibular rehab could help. finally i googled places that offer vestibular rehab in columbus ga. 

i wasn't even paying attention to the name of the place i was asking for an appointment with. i just filled out their request for an appt as fast as my hands could type!

i was SO excited when i got an email back from the brilliant, kind, loving Alice Cellino! i was finally convinced i would get help! she said they have a great vestibular rehab clinic AND that their physical therapist was the brilliant, kind, loving Ashtyn Prielozney! YAY GOD! 

so i signed myself up for some rehab. 

i went every week for several months. i won't lie. it is some strange therapy!! you are forced to make yourself do the things that make you dizzy/off balance. Lord help me. so i left most weeks with a headache but low & behold the stuff helps.

Ashtyn gave me exercises to do at home. so if you come over and see a black dot on my cabinet or window....it's just my therapy :) Gabe used to look at me crazy when i would stand staring at a dot turning my head back & forth until i was falling over but now he just keeps playing. wonder what he's thinking though!?

by no means has this taken away my issues completely. here's a (short) list of what makes my dizziness/off balance mess worse:

HORMONES. what a shock. what do they not effect. stupid things.

humidity and rain bother me terribly, terribly! 

loud noises kill me. a loud tv, gabe yelling, loud music, sometimes a loud restaurant, etc are triggers. which is extra sad bc i do enjoy going to football games but i just can't. 

(if you see me at Christ Community and wonder why i sometimes sit through worship in the green room it's bc i get dizzy. i'm not being a diva or "that worship leaders wife who thinks she's special!") 

i can almost always hear my heartbeat in my left ear.

when i lay down i have to tilt my head to the right to get the heartbeat noise to go away and lighten up the pressure i feel in that ear.

oh, i can hear my eyeballs move. so that's fun.

oh the grocery store (or any store) and driving can also bother me bc of things moving past my peripheral vision quickly. that throws me off. 

my therapy definitely help with these strange issues but they are still part of my life. UNTIL God completely heals me which i still pray for. (feel free to join me!)

Alice and Ashtyn are fabulous. They let me text/email them when i'm freaking out and thinking i may be dealing with something worse. that happens when all this stuff is hitting me at once...i get scared. 

oh what they think i have is called superior canal dehiscence. surgery is an option but it's hit or miss if it will work so it's not worth the risk.

i've asked jay if we can move somewhere with less humidity but honestly i LOVE my life here. I love CCC, LORD knows i can't live without my family, and i love love love my jobs. so i don't want to move.

let me end by saying this. I KNOW people deal with A LOT worse. i am thankful that i at least know what my issue is (finally) and i don't have to live in fear that i am dying of something terrible.

i have fabulous Doctors who love and care about my health. they encourage me and help me not be afraid. (sometimes i can't lie, this mess is scary.)

i take comfort in knowing...when i'm falling over or feeling weak or not sure i can drive...that i am OK. 

i don't do road trips very well AT ALL. so that's not fun. i have to start taking dramamine in advance and keep it in my system. i doubt i'll ride a boat or roller coaster again :(  but that's ok.

haven't tried flying yet. i was supposed to earlier this summer but God stopped that from happening. so it probably would not have ended well.

so this is what i've got. 

i would LOVE to know how the ear, nose & throat DOCTORS (yes plural) that i saw didn't catch this. really?

oh well. thank you Lord for Alice and Ashtyn. I recommend them for inner ear issues or heck, any issues because they care and won't stop until the find you help. 

thanks Ladies!