my Ebenezer

 Daniel 3:18 has been on my heart since our Bible study yesterday.

When I arrived my heart was heavy. I knew I was dipping into something that my Spirit was saying was not a good thing. (for me.)

The past several years I’ve put on little poundage. Ok, more than a little. I was in a place of freedom that I may have taken a tad too far… freedom to have peanut butter twice a day and bites of everything that came across my path may have been a little toooooooo free. Oops.

Since August I have worked to take off a few of those extra lbs. I followed advice of really smart people who have studied the body/food/exercise, etc.  This way of “dieting” didn’t stress me out.  I simply ate my assigned macros and hoped for the best.

Sadly for me this didn’t seem to work. I ended up gaining instead of leaning out. I stuck with it hoping to see results but then the holidays rolled around and that all went out the window.

So I decided (without prayer or seeking His guidance or Jay’s) I signed myself up for a new meal plan. I found someone who is CRAZY fit and asked for help.

*Disclaimer – there is NOTHING wrong with having a meal plan. Nothing wrong with whole30 or specific meal plans for most folks….but for ME…it’s a recipe for disaster.*

We all know I have an obsessive personality when it comes to food. Let’s be real, it’s a control issue. I lived in FEAR of food for 8-10 years and was finally delivered from that foolishness (just a couple years ago.) So meal plans, etc. are not good for me. Not even for 3 days…, which is how long I followed this plan.

The devil is relentlessly calling me a quitter…even as I type.

But when I got the plan my heart/Spirit KNEW it wasn’t going to be good. I could feel myself tense up. I could see myself fearing food and ever coming off the strict plan laid before me. Yet, I went forward.

I figured it was my flesh simply not wanting to give up food when in reality it was my Sweet Father cautioning my heart.

It’s just 15 lbs. I need to lose it so it can’t be a bad thing. People diet all the time. Sure they do…

But recovering alcoholics don’t hang out in bars. People who struggle with porn don’t surround themselves with dirty magazines and websites. People who gamble don’t sit in casinos. So WHY would I surround myself with scales, measuring cups, lists of foods to “fear.”

Oh y’all. I tried. For three days I fought what I knew my Father was prompting me to stop. Finally last night through the wisdom of my husband, mom and several friends, the Holy Spirit finally got my attention.

I decided to stop the strict meal plan. Stop carrying around a cooler and carefully measured amounts of lean meats and veggies. I decided to stop eating FISH FOR BREAKFAST. That was an easy change…eww.

God has shown me that being healthy and fit is FINE. In fact that honors Him. But for me to be consumed by it...to put it as the most important thing to me…to feel the darkness of my past rise up in me…NOT honoring to Him.

I am sharing this now to hold myself accountable. He has given me complete permission to make healthy choices with food and exercise. Go right ahead and challenge myself to fast from certain things, but for the love do it with HIM as my coach.

My prayer is that this post will be my Ebenezer.

The name “Ebenezer” actually comes from the Bible. In 1 Samuel 7, during the end of the time of the judges, Israel experiences revival under the leadership of Samuel. The nation repents of their sin, destroys their idols, and begins to seek the Lord (1 Samuel 7:2–4). Samuel gathered the people at Mizpah where they confessed their sin, and Samuel offered a sacrifice on their behalf (verses 5–9).

It was during this time of repentance and renewal that the enemy attacked: “While Samuel was sacrificing the burnt offering, the Philistines drew near to engage Israel in battle” (1 Samuel 7:10). The Israelites went out to do battle against the invaders, and God sent them supernatural help: “That day the LORD thundered with loud thunder against the Philistines and threw them into such a panic that they were routed before the Israelites” (verse 10).

Israel’s victory over the Philistines was decisive. Several cities the Philistines had captured were restored to Israel, and it was a long time before the Philistines tried to invade Israel again (1 Samuel 7:13–14). To commemorate the divine victory, “Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer, saying, ‘Thus far the LORD has helped us’” (verse 12).

Ebenezer means “stone of help.” From then on, every time an Israelite saw the stone erected by Samuel, he would have a tangible reminder of the Lord’s power and protection. The “stone of help” marked the spot where the enemy had been routed and God’s promise to bless His repentant people had been honored. The Lord had helped them, all the way to Ebenezer.

Lord help me remember what YOU have done in my heart to bring me to freedom and wholeness in You.

I will do the best I can do make healthy life choices all while enjoying life. If I stay this size, lose weight or gain weight (ahh!) …He is still good!

¹⁸ But even if He does not, let it be known to you, O king, that we are not going to serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up!” Daniel 3:18