so.many.emotions.

I got a text from a friend on Sunday reminding me that this time last year we were both packing up our houses for a cross country move.

Oh all the emotions came flooding back! I texted my mom and told her I could still feel every emotion from that time.

I remember feeling afraid. Certain, but afraid. I knew we were doing what God called us to. But that didn’t take away fear of the unknown.

New Mexico? What in the world?

EVERYTHING in my life was upside down.

I like everything in its place. My purse goes in the same place every day when I get home, my boots are lined up in a specific order in my closet. Only certain things are allowed on the kitchen counter, etc. Yes, I am that girl.  (I do have some grace for Jay and G J some.)

But for over a month my house was a mess. Boxes, a million to do lists, empty places where sold furniture used to sit. It was too much.

My heart was excited, afraid and sad.

I was sad to leave my family. I’d never lived in a different town than my immediate family. We are a super close family. I loved seeing my mom almost daily and the rest of my family at least once a week. I loved writing the girls & Vasa notes every week and dropping them off with Josh at work.

My heart was sad for Gabe. Sad for him not to live in the same town as his cousins. Sad that he had to leave all he’d ever known.

The emotions were so real. Sometimes I felt as empty as the rooms with sold furniture.

How would I make friends? How would Gabe make friends? What would I do without my running buddies? What would Jay do without Luke? What would he do without his Tuesday lunch group??

Too often I let those fears creep in instead of resting in the promise that God would be with us. That He called us to this.

It wasn’t alllllllll sadness and fear…

I was excited for a new adventure! Excited for new (beautiful) scenery. I was excited to start this church with the precious people we’d met in Angel Fire.

I remember looking at the weather in Angel Fire often and being so excited that I wouldn’t have a HOT, HUMID summer. I remember looking at the house we were about to move into and being so ready to make it our own. I remember emailing Gabe’s kindergarten teacher (still have those emails!) and asking a million questions about what school would be like. I remember talking to Gabe about skiing and all the new adventures we’d get to have! (all the while having a little sadness in my heart.)

Gosh, the last couple days in Columbus were so hard.

I remember WEEPING after leaving Uncommon Athlete for the last time. Oh how I love that gym, the coaches and working out with Rich.

I remember WEEPING after saying bye to Luke, Hannah, Moses and Elle as we sat in lawn chairs (HA!) in our living room the night before we left.

I remember WEEPING saying bye to my running friends especially Madison, Kami and Theresa. What would I do without our daily conversations in the dark running around lakebottom!?

I remember getting ready for church the morning that we would leave for NM. Oh I was a mess. I don’t even know why I attempted to put on mascara.

I WEPT through worship. Especially when the band left the stage and Jay sang his last song by himself. I remember making eye contact with Tasha and falling apart.

I remember playing with Ava and Allie’s hair in church because I knew I’d miss being able to reach out and touch them.

I remember sitting by my mom yet seeing an entire row of my family, including Uncle Teddy and Aunt Verlene (which meant the world to us.)

I remember my dad baptizing a friend that morning and G weeping to his Uncle Josh that HE wanted to be baptized. Which did happen…after making sure he knew what he was doing my dad and Jay baptized him. What a moment.

I remember Jonathan Payne and Chris Lockhart hanging around until the VERY LAST MINUTE to say goodbye to Jay after church.

I remember the Creswell’s staying with us until the last minute. My heart.

I remember the travel backpack the Creswell’s made for Gabe. Something fun to open in every state we drove through. And a camera to document it! Amazing friends.

I remember every detail about my family’s last lunch at Country’s on Mercury before leaving. We sat at a long table along the far left side of the restaurant. We shared some of the snacks Claire had bought for our trip. I remember thinking “I can’t do this.” (ok now I’m crying….) 

I remember thinking I can’t leave these people. I can’t NOT (yep double negative) live in the same town as my PRECIOUS PRECIOUS family.  I remember asking the Lord if we were REALLLLLLY doing the right thing.

That lunch was bittersweet.

I remember our family coming over to give last hugs and help us load into our cars. Those hugs were so hard and not nearly long enough. The sadness was written on every face. (in case you’re wondering I am a HOT MESS typing this.)

BUT in all of this…I also remember…

The faithfulness of Him.

The sweet promises He reminded us of as we drove further and further away from all that we knew and loved.

I remember weeping and feeling Him hold me as I wiped tears.

I remember the joy of watching Gabe open all his gifts from friends and family. Mom and Aunt Verlene both sent one for him to open ONLY when we arrived in Angel Fire.

I remember the peace He continued to give as we plowed through state after state on our 21 hour drive.

I remember PRECIOUS friends standing in front of our house in Angel Fire cheering as we drove up. Oh what a gift. What a sweet reminder that we weren’t alone in this.

I won’t go into every detail of our first few days and months in Angel Fire. (it’s on an old blog if anyone cares J)

But I will say I hope I never forget every memory, every emotion, every thought, every fear, every precious detail of this journey.

I LOVE this place. I LOVE these people. I LOVE it.

I HAVE made friends. AMAZING, fun, faithful friends. Gabe has made lifelong friends that we cherish. The weather IS fabulous and the scenery is like no other. Gabe does love skiing and is super excited to take up golf.

I’m not saying this life is perfect. I’m not saying I don’t struggle. I’m far from perfect. But I am saying I’m no longer afraid. I’m no longer sad.  

Our church is FABULOUS. The people are unbelievable. The pastor & worship leader is pretty darn fabulous himself. We are 100% in the right place. On good days and bad. And I couldn’t be more thankful.