just because

i have several friends going through hard times. it makes me sad and keeps me on my knees. i do trust God to be with them, walk with them, and comfort them. life is fun but can be hard. i've got a friend who is dealing with a sick mom, another with a drug/alcohol addicted father who isn't doing well, another with a drug addicted brother who is in jail, another going through a really hard break up, and another with a sick grandmother. all of them are on my heart this morning. i am thankful for prayer. i am thankful that i (we) can find rest in Christ when things are hard and don't make sense. these struggles also remind me to shut up about my petty struggles. good grief. my heart is also heavy for Holden. i want so badly to hear that he has been adopted.  i'm in a strange place when it comes to our family adopting again. of course, i'll do whatever we feel God desires for us. but i have fears...legit ones and selfish ones. legit... - adoption...

last week was really weird for me. it had some really great moments and some tough ones. i guess that could be true for any week. but i had some super hard days. not fun. please know, its rare that i get a good nights sleep. disclaimer for this entire blog... it started out pretty good. been working through some changes at work and all of that seemed to fall into place. i am thankful for a job that allows me to change aspects of my job to make being a mom a little easier. (an away from home working mom...) the enemy did creep in a little with work stuff though and had me thinking i'd failed. that if i'd just worked harder or been more creative i could've juggled it all with no guilt. ugh. i just hate how the enemy (just the opposite of God!) tries to turn good things into bad things. jerk. did i mention i don't sleep? so tuesday was pretty good. we started our new small group that evening. ohhhh i just loved it. i love having people in my house, sharing life. ...

when i get overwhelmed my eye starts twitching. thats been happening for about an hour now. sometimes i feel guilty (as a christian) for allowing myself to get overwhelmed or stressed about life. i KNOW that God is able, faithful, dependable and in control. so why do i let myself get in a tizzy? (i've never said that in my life...) i wish i didn't. i am going to work on staying calm and at peace when things seem iffy. there's a lot on my mind right now. a LOT. Gabe is 2. we're learning this age comes with a little more...let's call it "spunk!" my heart is to always treat him with love and respect. i am having to learn how to discipline in a loving tone and manner. jay and i want to be consistent in our response to his spunky moments and in our parenting. we feel like we have a pretty good grasp on putting ourselves in his position, thinking of ways WE can change instead of demanding HE change. he is 2. he cannot always express how he feels and wh...

just thought i'd blog since i haven't in a while. no point. Lawd only knows... i tried to watch downton abbey (sp?) last night for the second time. i can't do it. i have NO CLUE what they are saying. i'm out. you may have read my status on fb yesterday but i saw katherine webb (AJ McCarrons girlfriend) at lunch. let's just go ahead and talk about how she has never had a hardees thick burger. that commercial is a lie. she was thin. and beautiful. thankfully jay blocked her from my site. self.esteem.killer. i can say that lately i have been really at peace with my body. i guess like every girl (most girls) i have bad days but i don't weigh myself, EVER. and i just eat healthy, workout and figure thats good enough. no extra pressure to stay a certain size. amen. i am addicted to "the mindy project." i cant help myself. that show makes me laugh out loud. i tried for a couple weeks, when it was stupid cold, to eat breakfast before working out. (...