gosh. so much stuff.

well the past few months have been wild for me. i won't share too much b/c nobody cares that much, ha.

i've been stressed, sad, struggling with feeling lightheaded & dizzy several times a day. had an MRI, EKG, and other tests done. maybe it's vertigo? trying a new medicine for that and heading to see a neurologist. so there's that. i've been scared and sad. it's not fun feeling like you can't live your life b/c of an ailment! sweet Jodie Creswell encouraged me last night with the reminder that we do not have a spirit of fear but that of a sound mind b/c of HIM. amen. thanks Jodie.

i've been in a tough place spiritually, physically, and emotionally. i'll just be honest! moments of panic/fear/sadness have been too common for me. i feel bad admitting that bc i am a Christian. i do trust the Lord so i feel like a failure having those feelings. but they are real my friend. very real.

but in all of it, i can say that the Lord has been faithful. oh so faithful.

y'all know i am not one to be super preachy. good Lord yesterday my FB status was about sex. but it's completely legit sex because i am married. and we all know....sex is for married people. (whew, that post is my most read and most controversial!)

  http://kaci-justbecause.blogspot.com/2013/10/sex-is-for-married-people.html 

there is no reason for God to be as faithful and loving to me as He is. i am such a gross sinner. i am selfish, i am fleshy, i don't spend time with him like i should, i don't wanna go to church sometimes, i get caught up in myself FAR too often....ewwwwww.

but y'all, He still is there. He still loves me. He isn't even ugly to me. He simply loves me. and continues to show me truth through friends, his Word, teaching, worship and great books.

i'm not the best reader out there. i'd rather watch a murder on TV than read most of the time. but because i have been so desperate for HIM lately i've been reading and watching sermons online as often as possible. (NOT b/c i'm a fabulous Christian...this girl is desperate for more of life that is TRULY life than what i've been living.)

and He has been precious. sending the perfect sermons/teachings at the most perfect times. 

i love andy stanley. i just finished his series on pride. LOVED it.

today my mom sent me to a site to watch a sermon from the guy at high desert church in california on stress. WATCH IT. (i could be making up the name of that church...) but that sermon changed my heart and mind on a lot of HUGE things going on in my life. 

i shouldn't say it changed my mind....it opened my mind to Him instead of me. lawd, decisions left up to my thinking....disastrous. 

i know that it may sound lame to some people that i trust in and follow Christ. and that makes me sad. bc i want for people to know Him. i want for my life to help others see Him. i'm pretty sure i haven't been living in such a way... :(  not that i've been out living like a fool. not that i've been doing anything "wrong" but i sure haven't had my head in the game. i haven't had my eyes fixed on Christ. so how am i any different from someone who doesn't believe? 

so friends, forgive me for being so into ME lately. forgive me for not seeking Him so that i can be a better friend to you. (or mom, wife, daughter, employee, etc.)

i have no shame in asking for y'all to pray for me! pray that the Lord will continue to show Himself to me. pray that i will keep my eyes/thoughts on HIM. i'm tired of looking at my old, worn down self.

also pray that i will start feeling 100%. this vertigo is for the birds. i'm shooting it a bird too. 

i hope this makes sense. either way, go watch that sermon. 51 mins. you can do it! it's better than a murder show. 

ps - pitiful confession. in my heart i'm kinda mad at the pioneer woman (from food network) i try to WIN EVERY ONE OF HER GIVEAWAYS and never do. i'mma keep trying. madison - I've been trying to get you a kick butt mixer for years. i'mma get it.