oh gosh, where to start...

hmm, instead of rewriting a long story i will simply copy & paste the email i have shared with TAs, Inc, friends and family this week...then add details after. yikes. here goes nothing!

this is so wild. and such a long story. i figured i'd save myself some time and email y'all together :)

ok so probably early january i watched a sermon series from andy stanley. one question he asked was...what breaks your heart? i have thought and prayed about that for months. not super sure of the answer. but i knew it was no longer TA work. my passion has been gone.

mmk, so fast forward to me talking to dee dee and derik about feeling discontent and ready to move on...

thursday i met with dee dee. before we met i knew leaving TAs was what God was leading me to do. i've struggled with that because the planner/controller in me has wanted to find something else like...last month. ha. so i did start asking around about tsys and various jobs.

even while asking about jobs i felt like all God kept saying to me was "trust me." He said it numerous times in numerous ways.

we ALL know i got myself in a heap of trouble back with i told God i had to be in control of my diet/weight loss. so i surely didn't want to do that again...

still i did ask about jobs...still feeling that tug of...slow down, just Trust Me.

so i met dee dee. we sat down. she said ok, talk!

i told her i didnt even know what to say. her response (typical dd) was "good! i'll talk!"

so she did. she said a lot of things and then said "what i am about to tell you is what i feel like God told me. you are going to flip and think i've lost it."

she said my passion has changed (yes.) she said (basically) that "what breaks my heart" has changed. (yes.) and she asked if i knew what my new passion was...?

i said...uhh?

she said gabe. and she said she thinks i am supposed to be a stay at home mom.

WHAT????????????? yes that was my response.

but we talked further and she believes WITH me that God does have something planned. we both kinda believe it will be adoption work (that i can do on my schedule and from home) that will allow me to be more involved in Gs life AND make ends meet financially.

she shared Gen 12:1 with me where God told Abraham to leave everything he knew/loved, etc to go to the land God has promised.

so that is what i am doing. i am taking this incredible step off a CLIFF trusting 100% that my Father will provide.

lawd, if not we're moving in with family :)

i have stayed busy with options4adoption and i feel like having more time will allow me to work more with them and get my name out around town as the "adoption girl"

BUT i am not worrying about that. i am stepping out in COMPLETE faith.

i keep thinking "it's going to be wild, it's going to be great, it's going to be full of Me." 

it's the most insane thing i have ever done with the most insane peace from Him that passes ALL understanding. amen, amen, and amen.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

i've already told derik this is my last year. obviously dd and richard know. i told aaron (who may have wanted to crap his pants.) after i share it with TLs and the Board it will be common knowledge. 

please feel free to share ALL your thoughts with me :) 

this is SO HARD. i have cried, a lot.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. so there's my news.

now, back to the blog...

i am so fully trusting my Heavenly Father. Financially this makes ZERO sense for our family. i've already started trying to figure out how to coupon, how i can cut our cable bill WITHOUT messing up ANY COLLEGE FOOTBALL (i have priorities!) 

but any fear, doubt, second guessing that i may have goes away when i KNOW that my other option is disobedience. LAWD knows i do not want to disobey.

i do love how God works. i've learned a couple things through this process...

1. God has almost always used Dee Dee Stephens to speak to me about big life change. She was part of me being hired for TAs, she walked me through my friendship/hard times/dating Jay, she was a HUGE part of my healing from disordered eating and being at an unhealthy weight, she helped me believe i could be a good mom and helped me be confident in that AND now again...she's who God used to speak to me. I LOVE HER.

2. i hadn't ever considered adoption really until josh & claire followed Gods (wild!) call on their life to sell their house which later turned into adoption vasa from Russia. once i saw how much i LOVED that sweet boy that was not biologically a Dunlap...i KNEW i could love any child God chose for us. hence, our journey towards adoption. which helped me fall in love with the entire process...yep, even the heart breaks. 

3. He is ALWAYS at work. over a year ago i got a RANDOM facebook message from a friend that lives in Kentucky (Hollie Wells!) that triggered my interest in adoption work. PS her message had nothing to do with adoption work necessarily...just the nickname "bulldog" which jay used for me during the adoption process. long story short - it peaked my interest and i started doing home studies.

4. i started doing adoption work part-time last spring and have fallen in love with every couple i've met and every child i have helped place or do post-placement visits for.

SEND friends/family my way if they are interested in adoption OR even just have questions! 

who would have thought this would tug at my NOT compassionate heart?!    Only Him. 

i have received some of the kindest, most encouraging emails this week. stories of Gods faithfulness when people step out in faith and do what He has called them to do.

i have no idea what this next chapter in my life will look like. but i will trust my Heavenly Father. (and hopefully not have to move back in with my earthly father and mother, ha!) but i do love them, and their cooking...this could work.

i COVET your prayers. 

i love my son. he is the happiest kid i know. he has a heart that only God could have crafted. it is precious, obedient (most of the time!), and gentle. he makes me laugh. now that he can talk (sometimes nonstop) i feel like i have a funny little friend that hangs out with me. it is a joy to be his mom.

i love my husband. he is the easiest man to be married to. (outside of loud mouth noises while eating.) he too is gentle, makes me laugh, has a precious heart and is our safe, restful, hiding place. i love that he covers our house and lives in prayer. he's a good one. i am thankful that he too trusts God and is willing to walk through this wild journey with me.

i love my Jesus. He is gentle, He is another fun friend that hangs out with me. He makes me laugh. He calms my heart. He gives me joy, peace and strength when it (otherwise) makes no sense. i don't know how people do life without Him. 

so as G would say "Let's do this."