just confessing

i'm not doing a very good job of resting in the Lord right now. i'm disappointed in myself. i KNOW He's faithful. Gabe is proof that He is. everything right now just feels chaotic, confusing, kinda up in the air. i dont function to well like that!

i dont like jobs hanging over my head. i dont like not being able to start & finish a task quickly! i am a list maker. i like things in order. i am kinda ocd.

moving is the complete opposite of ALL those things. Lord help me!

in other news, i have a pretty darn fabulous family. i got to hang out with my family on saturday and sunday. they are so fun. i dont know what i'd do without them. they make me laugh. today i called my dad just so he could tell me everything would be alright. i am beyond grateful that i can simply pick up the phone and be encouraged.

jay does the same thing for me. if i get scared he can just hug me and i calm down. he'll be doing a lot of that in the next month or so.

my mom - i cant even begin to describe what a blessing that woman is. she is my best friend. my biggest support. my "go to" girl for everything...advice, laughter, scripture, prayer, wisdom...everything.

i think i'll list the things that have me stressed. maybe it'll feel good to get it out. and i love lists...

- we have ZERO boats for the TA river party on may 12. hard to ski without a boat.
- we dont know when we're moving and/or what we wanna get done before we move in. well done us.
- our condo is still for sale. we have 2 houses.
- i dont sleep.
- my running shoes that were on sale - suck! now i know why they were cheap. but i'm too cheap to buy another pair. so my runs hurt.
- this is one busy as MESS week in the life of the Lesleys. month really. yet another reason we dont know when we're moving.
- our master bathroom is being redone so we've been living with one bathroom for like 2 weeks. it'll probably be 2 more. oh.my.word.
- i dont sleep.
- my heart feels anxious almost all of the time.
- i feel guilty for not trusting God and relaxing.
- jay is probably ready to run away.
- sometimes i let the devil convince me that i'm bad at my job, lazy, all things negative.


GOOD news...
- gabe is perfect. simply amazing. the most content, loving, precious baby ever. not a day goes by that i dont thank God for him.
- i have an awesome, awesome, awesome family.
- i absolutely love my job.
- i have a husband who loves me. who plays with his son and adores him. who prays for me. who loves the Lord with all of his heart. he's a precious gift.
- i have a house...or two.
- we have jobs, friends, an amazing church, cars, beds to lay in (even if we cant sleep)...
- gabe
- gabe!!!
- that i can rely on God. HE is forever faithful. just b/c i cant figure things out doesnt mean HE isnt on top of it. i just gotta get my heart to REST in that. i know its true.
- i have a wonderfully blessed life.
- i get to go to the beach in 24 days. (i think its 24)

i guess i'll stop complaining. Lord forgive me.


Comments

  1. MariaApril 30, 2012 at 1:36 PM

    Kaci, everything will be fine :-) what a wonderful list and rereading them showed me that for every negative you have a possitive thats a blessing!
    Here is my list lol (you are welcome to switch any day :-)...)
    -i dont sleep (yes me too)
    - I dont own a home
    - we dont have a savings
    - we live paycheck to paycheck
    - I need a dentist asap but cant afford it
    - sharing a car that is quickly falling apart
    - I dont have a paying job
    - I have no family in Ga
    - havent been to the beach or vacation in 3 years.
    -...
    BUT I'm happy!!! God has brought us through soooo much and my blessings far exceed my needs. And when I tell myself that I cant take it anymore...i take a deep breath and remember where that breath came from and thank Him for it!
    I will pray for a release from all the fear and stress!
    Also anything we can do to help out just holler :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. MariaApril 30, 2012 at 2:20 PM

    And while I was writing this...my sons decided to smear desitin all over their room...sigh

    ReplyDelete
  3. CaseyApril 30, 2012 at 4:00 PM

    Kaci... Moving sucks and I don't know how you feel about renting your condo but I may have someone interested if you do rent. You can call me about it. When I moved to Birmingham I had no idea where I was going to live after a month on Ashley's couch but I trusted just a tiny bit in the Lord and I found an apartment, not great living by any means, but it has a roof and floors. You need different shoes or else you an end up hurting more than just your feet then you wouldn't be able to run and that would be a negative on your list. ;) and yesterday this girl kept spelling my name wrong but when she spelled it k-a-c-i I smiled and said that's not it but I know someone amazing who spells it your way. I love you! If you can't find a boat by Wednesday let me know and I will call some people. :)

    ReplyDelete

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