gotcha day!

i will never forget january 17, 2012.

back up a day and it was the day we met Gs birth mom! i was a nervous wreck. we got lost on the way. norman + gps = hilarious.

we met Angie and our adoption counselor at a fabulous mexican restaurant. my parents were with us but they ate at the seafood place next door so we wouldn't seem crazy, ha. my mom never really ate i'm pretty sure. she was spying on us the whole time. she even told their waitress what was going on next door. my mom and i have always wanted to be detectives. i'm sure she scaled walls like a spy trying to catch a glimpse...

i've told this story before so i won't go into detail. i just remember thinking: no way this beautiful girl just gave birth. she was so thin! and i would NOT have talked about my addiction to MURDER SHOWS had i known she could've changed her mind about us during lunch. thank the Lord she likes crime/murder shows as well.

i also basically licked my plate, jays plate and all the salsa on the table. while his birth mom barely ate half of her salad. well done kaci murders and gluttony.

she (somehow) decided we were still a good pick! i remember Somer showing Angie a more recent picture of G and tears filling her eyes. sweet and heart-breaking.

i didn't want to leave Angie. i wanted to take her home with me. she is an amazing woman. absolute hero to me.

after lunch we drove from houston to dallas. so we could check-in to our PIMP suite my brother booked for us and prepare for Gs arrival!!!

gotcha day...

i got up that morning for my last run without having to make sure someone is home with G! i remember taking off and thinking my life would never be the same. AHHH. i was about to become a mother. oh my. i can't even explain my emotions. and i was completely under-dressed. i froze.

i only ran 6 miles b/c i was running in dallas traffic. awesome.

my mom took pictures of every moment. so i remember her taking my picture on our bed in my running clothes checking texts and emails from friends and family. i remember taking my time getting ready (not sure thats happened again since!) and heading to breakfast.

oh but not before mom took pictures of jay and i doing our "happy dance" in the kitchen. we were beside ourselves!!!

pretty sure, like always, i drank waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much coffee at breakfast.

mom, jay and i loaded up our things and headed to get G! dad stayed at the hotel. i'm not sure why. quiet time most likely :)

i remember walking into the place...completely freaking out on the inside. i stopped to use the bathroom on my way to the office. i had a blanket in my hands ready to fill it with a sweet baby boy!!

we sat in the waiting room, nervously. then the lady came out and asked what his official name would be... i blurted out "gabriel wyatt lesley."  it felt so REAL at that moment!!!

we went back and signed a million pieces of paper. par for the course with adoption.

mom went out to the lobby at one point to get something (i can't remember why?!) and she got a glimpse of G!!!  she came back in tears. i'll never ever forget that.

who knows what happened after that. i just knew he was there. the sweet adoption lady said a thousand things. i hope jay was listening. right....

then peggy, gabe's AMAZING foster mom, came in with G and another baby named willow. they read some sweet long adoption thing and handed me gabe.

my heart basically jumped out of my chest. i don't think i cried. but Lord knows i fell in love.

we loved on him, took tons of pictures and headed to the car. peggy had to help us get the car seat adjusted.

ps - mom even took a picture of a semi truck that let us change lanes...yes, she did.

we drove back to our suite and introduced G to ol norm!

mom and i still laugh about jay changing his first poopy diaper. he gagged, big time. hilarious.

after spending a little time fighting over who got to hold G we headed to lunch. i'll never forget that meal either. yummy all you can eat soup & salad for me. the soup was fabulous. tortilla soup. mmm. good tea too. then we went to the mall and walked around.

that evening our friends, paul and stefanie, drove up to meet gabe. we laughed about dumb stories from our past and shared our SON with our friends. it was the perfect ending to our "gotcha day!"

i'm sure i am forgetting many details. i may go back and read my old blogs for a refresher :)

but here's what i know:

being a mom has taught me many things. sadly, the first is how selfish i am. i hate that about myself. but i know that God has used marriage and parenting to help me change in that area. oh how i am grateful for Gods grace.

it has taught me about unconditional love. i honestly didn't know i could love anything/anyone like i love gabe.  there are times when i really think my heart might explode. i absolutely love G...even when he's grumpy, covered in poop or crying at 2am.

that helps me understand Gods love for me. i am also grumpy, feel like i'm covered in poop and sometimes crying at 2am but God loves me anyway. what a fabulous Father.

i have learned how to hold a baby and pee (yes i said it.) i have learned how to hold a bottle and eat. i have learned how to change a diaper while holding my breath. i have learned how to get dressed, play "just dance" push a shopping cart, cook, fold clothes, and put makeup on while holding a baby. i have learned tons of ridiculous baby songs, stories, and games. i have a purse/car stocked with paci's, crackers, bibs, sippy cups, etc.

i have learned that formula is expensive. some baby food is tasty and some is just WRONG. zip up pjs are perfect for assurance that your child's crib wont be covered in poop. pushing a running stroller with a baby is no joke. teething is plain mean. watching a baby get shots is pitiful. i could go on...

more than anything i am learning that apart from God i am nothing. i need Him. i've learned His love for me doesn't waiver upon my actions. His grace & forgiveness is ENOUGH. there is nothing good in me apart from Him. He knows that!

i love G. i love his laugh, his joy, his funny chicklet teeth, his funny way of signing banana, how curious he is about everything! i love that he is ALL BOY. i love that he has a weird way of crawling sometimes. i think it's sweet that he loves people, especially other kids. i love that he talks loudly during our "Jesus" time at dinner. i LOVE his wild hair. i love his dad. jay is the BEST. i love his birth mom, i appreciate how brave she is and what a sacrifice she was willing to make for his sake. i cannot wait to tell him all about Angie. i hope he knows how much she loves him. i also can't wait to hear him accept Jesus into his life. ohhh, i cannot wait.

i look forward to having conversations with him. i can't wait to have him tell me all about his day. i know there will be many days i want to hide, take a nap, cry, scream and maybe even give up. but i trust that (for whatever reason!) God chose us to raise this precious little boy and so i trust that He will give me everything i need.

amen. yeet.

happy gotcha day Gabriel. i love you.