wed rants
i have lots of thoughts going around in my mind today. no worries, they are mostly stupid. but i thought i'd just blurt it all out on paper.
first thought is how thankful i am for first responders and our armed forces. enough said.
gabe is so much fun right now. he says "hey" every time he walks in the room. makes me giggle. if you want G to give you a kiss....don't ask for it. it won't happen. just tell him to give you one and he will. (just some insider info.)
i was not a patient mom on sunday. i don't think G ever knew it. but in my heart i was being selfish and fleshy. i wanted to sit quietly and drink my coffee. i wanted to put on makeup without him stealing my stuff or crawling all over me. i kept my tone kind but my heart was ugly inside.
i asked him to forgive me. i don't like that part of me.
i also don't like the part of me that gets caught up in stupid stuff. and imma just be honest and tell (the 3 of you that read this, ha.) that i have been really struggling with some weight that i have gained. please don't shrug me off yet. i am not saying i'm fat. i just gained 5 lbs (by adding in more calories, fat, etc.) and i am not enjoying it! my clothes are ill-fitting which makes me feel uncomfortable. but i can't afford to go buy new stuff. so i just have a little back fat hanging over my pants. super fun.
I KNOW that in the scheme of life none of that matters. i know. but i am still uncomfortable. i hate that. i hate that i even notice.
BUT the Lord is kind. that's one of my favorite things about Him. that "His kindness leads us to repentance." He's not being ugly to me about it. He is simply sending me daily reminders that none of that matters. (reminders like G saying "hey" and singing songs, etc.)
i know that no one else sees, notices or CARES what i weigh. and dang, i'm almost a 35 year old mom with a full-time job. so if i wanna eat a little more and exercise a little less i am. just tell me i cant complain about not being able to breathe in my pants :)
also, i read an article this week on being a mom and what a calling it is. it put me in my place too. i want to please the Lord with my mind, actions and the way i spend my time.
in another pointless kaci rant...i want to tell high school kids to STOP.
i see them a lot of mornings standing by their cars before school. i see the worry/fear/"please accept me" look in their eyes. and i want to stop and say...LET IT GO!
i feel like students spend middle and high school years trying to be accepted and fit into this crowd that doesn't even matter.
(please remind me neither does my "back fat"...)
i can remember back to high school and the people i thought were so cool and "above" me. i remember how i thought they had it all and were somehow better than me. THANKFULLY i didnt let it change who i was or my heart. i continued to follow Christ (even though it didn't make me as cool.)
but here's the truth about all that...
1. i cant hardly remember half of their names anymore. so i am BEYOND thankful i didn't CHANGE my entire self for a fleeting time of life.
2. some of those people have come to me since and told me they wished they'd stayed firm in their beliefs/faith instead of going after popularity.
3. i've NEVER ONCE regretted following after the heart of God.
4. they are just PEOPLE. that crowd you think has it all....they are just PEOPLE. with the same hurts, fears, struggles, etc as you (and me.) some of them just live life with more stuff, wealth, and maybe better looks. (which like my waist size...is fleeting.)
so. i wish i could snag up all those students i see and tell them to STOP.
Love God. Follow God. relax. listen to your parents (well honor them and listen to God.), Trust that HE is enough and that the things He calls us to...like staying pure, living a life of integrity, etc. isn't to steal our joy or fun it is to SAVE us from hurt and consequences.
i listened to an entire sermon series today on Revelation. (thanks mom!) and i've never been more excited about Heaven.
i used to fear all of that. (like this morning...) the thought of being in Heave FOREVER stressed me out! (i know i may be wrong for confessing that.) but i worried that singing all day might get old. haha.
but this guy helped me understand Heaven (straight from Gods Word) AND understand the end times. i didn't feel like i was reading sci-fi.
all of that Revelation study also reminded me how ridiculous worrying about weight and popularity is. Living a life that leads others to Him is what matters most. Lord forgive me for getting off track constantly.
Y'all know i am NOT trying to be preachy or "holier than thou." there is NO part of me that is like that. trust me. but i want the people that God has put in my life to STAY in my life after His return.
Help me live in such a way that others are drawn to you.
and help me let go of my tight pants.
amen.
first thought is how thankful i am for first responders and our armed forces. enough said.
gabe is so much fun right now. he says "hey" every time he walks in the room. makes me giggle. if you want G to give you a kiss....don't ask for it. it won't happen. just tell him to give you one and he will. (just some insider info.)
i was not a patient mom on sunday. i don't think G ever knew it. but in my heart i was being selfish and fleshy. i wanted to sit quietly and drink my coffee. i wanted to put on makeup without him stealing my stuff or crawling all over me. i kept my tone kind but my heart was ugly inside.
i asked him to forgive me. i don't like that part of me.
i also don't like the part of me that gets caught up in stupid stuff. and imma just be honest and tell (the 3 of you that read this, ha.) that i have been really struggling with some weight that i have gained. please don't shrug me off yet. i am not saying i'm fat. i just gained 5 lbs (by adding in more calories, fat, etc.) and i am not enjoying it! my clothes are ill-fitting which makes me feel uncomfortable. but i can't afford to go buy new stuff. so i just have a little back fat hanging over my pants. super fun.
I KNOW that in the scheme of life none of that matters. i know. but i am still uncomfortable. i hate that. i hate that i even notice.
BUT the Lord is kind. that's one of my favorite things about Him. that "His kindness leads us to repentance." He's not being ugly to me about it. He is simply sending me daily reminders that none of that matters. (reminders like G saying "hey" and singing songs, etc.)
i know that no one else sees, notices or CARES what i weigh. and dang, i'm almost a 35 year old mom with a full-time job. so if i wanna eat a little more and exercise a little less i am. just tell me i cant complain about not being able to breathe in my pants :)
also, i read an article this week on being a mom and what a calling it is. it put me in my place too. i want to please the Lord with my mind, actions and the way i spend my time.
in another pointless kaci rant...i want to tell high school kids to STOP.
i see them a lot of mornings standing by their cars before school. i see the worry/fear/"please accept me" look in their eyes. and i want to stop and say...LET IT GO!
i feel like students spend middle and high school years trying to be accepted and fit into this crowd that doesn't even matter.
(please remind me neither does my "back fat"...)
i can remember back to high school and the people i thought were so cool and "above" me. i remember how i thought they had it all and were somehow better than me. THANKFULLY i didnt let it change who i was or my heart. i continued to follow Christ (even though it didn't make me as cool.)
but here's the truth about all that...
1. i cant hardly remember half of their names anymore. so i am BEYOND thankful i didn't CHANGE my entire self for a fleeting time of life.
2. some of those people have come to me since and told me they wished they'd stayed firm in their beliefs/faith instead of going after popularity.
3. i've NEVER ONCE regretted following after the heart of God.
4. they are just PEOPLE. that crowd you think has it all....they are just PEOPLE. with the same hurts, fears, struggles, etc as you (and me.) some of them just live life with more stuff, wealth, and maybe better looks. (which like my waist size...is fleeting.)
so. i wish i could snag up all those students i see and tell them to STOP.
Love God. Follow God. relax. listen to your parents (well honor them and listen to God.), Trust that HE is enough and that the things He calls us to...like staying pure, living a life of integrity, etc. isn't to steal our joy or fun it is to SAVE us from hurt and consequences.
i listened to an entire sermon series today on Revelation. (thanks mom!) and i've never been more excited about Heaven.
i used to fear all of that. (like this morning...) the thought of being in Heave FOREVER stressed me out! (i know i may be wrong for confessing that.) but i worried that singing all day might get old. haha.
but this guy helped me understand Heaven (straight from Gods Word) AND understand the end times. i didn't feel like i was reading sci-fi.
all of that Revelation study also reminded me how ridiculous worrying about weight and popularity is. Living a life that leads others to Him is what matters most. Lord forgive me for getting off track constantly.
Y'all know i am NOT trying to be preachy or "holier than thou." there is NO part of me that is like that. trust me. but i want the people that God has put in my life to STAY in my life after His return.
Help me live in such a way that others are drawn to you.
and help me let go of my tight pants.
amen.
#1 I love you, back fat and all.
ReplyDelete#2 It took me 5 full minutes to figure out what wed rants meant. I thought it was a spoonerism at first, but that didn't make sense either.
#3 Yes, high school precious people. Please, please know that God completely accepts you and that is all that matters.
#4 I am taking care of my mom and your 4th paragraph describes me almost every day. Jesus please help me. I love my mom, but by the 15th time I have told her it is Wednesay and she has nowhere she has to go, I want to run screaming and pulling out my hair. Jesus please change my heart. I do love her.