love me some Jesus

last night gabe & i went to eminent worship. i was going to put G in the nursery but i hardly ever get to be with him during worship so i kept him with me. it was sweet to watch him watch jay sing/lead. i love that gabe will get to grow up watching his dad sing, play guitar and lead worship. i am also glad gabe will get to grow up watching his dad read his Bible, share scripture over supper, write songs about Gods faithfulness and help lead others in their faith.

i'm also glad he'll get to grow up watching jay: play bass, play acoustic, play electric, play keys, sing beautifully, ride a motorcycle, drive a big truck, take care of my car, treat me with respect (always), pray for our family, grill, put things together, take things apart, etc. what a fabulous dad gabe has. good job, kaci! ha.

anyway, after a while of worship, TAs went to hear a lesson lead by aaron wall. i love to hear aaron teach. he always makes me laugh and teaches me something new about God. last night he didn't say anything that we hadn't heard before...but for some reason it hit me in a new light. i needed it!!

he was talking about freedom in Christ. he was asking us what that meant to us. i really had to sit with that question for a minute. lately i haven't felt very "free." i've been bogged down, little depressed and stagnant in my faith. not fun.  (which, ps, spills over into every other part of my life...boo.)

freedom. hmm, that sounded nice. i just needed to figure out what was keeping me from living in that freedom. i started a list (gross - yes i said LIST) in my mind...mostly MYSELF. just me. i was getting in the way.

aaron simply pointed out that God wants me free from bondage so i can live in HIS freedom. not so he can take away things in my life, or change everything about my life, or "steal" things that i think/believe are bringing me joy...

he wants to free me so i can LIVE in freedom. that verse, "it is for freedom He's set us free" was refreshed in my heart & mind.

i know, KNOW, know this seems extremely elementary and simple. but OH what this reminder did for my heart.

i looked down at gabe and thought about how i parent him for his benefit. i don't keep him from climbing the steps to steal his joy...i do it so he won't fall down and hurt himself. God doesn't keep me from chasing the things of this world b/c he wants to steal my fun...he wants me to do it HIS way and get all the joys that come with that.

i feel silly even writing this. but i want to remember that His way is right, true, noble and the way to FREEDOM.

my way is filled with sin, sadness, bondage, hurt, confusion and longing.

thank you Lord for sweet reminders. forgive me for being selfish and going my own way. i want (for myself, for jay & gabe) to follow You and live in the freedom you promise.

thanks for loving me, forgiving me and helping me change. i don't deserve Your love but ohhhhhh how i relish it!