me + control = no more!
i am so excited to blog about our fall family fun extravaganza. i had a blast. details will come in my next post. i have to start with the most amazing thing...
i am somewhat of a control freak. i love routine. i like knowing what is ahead and how to plan for it.
spontaneous is not a word those closest to be would use to describe me.
i don't think that trait is a sin by itself. but when you tell God that YOU are in control rather than allowing Him to be...thats when it becomes a problem. a big, nasty one.
LOOOOOOOOONG story short...
for lots of years now (like 8 or 9) i have been aware of part of me that felt gross, dark, kinda like a wall between me and God.
don't get me wrong. i have been in a relationship with Him all this time. We've had some amazing moments, millions of hard and precious talks, lots of prayers, etc. but i still felt a sadness. i knew it was a Kaci thing not a God thing. i just couldn't put my finger on it. can i be honest...for some of those long years i don't think i cared to put my finger on it. :( thats hard to confess.
mmk, fast forward to this summer.
God grabbed my heart and started pulling me back into His Word in a new, exciting way. i started doing some new Bible Studies that caused me to get deeper in my quiet time. i have loved it.
a few weeks ago i started a new one on the Covenant. it's been so interesting and fun. the BEST part is that my mom is doing it with me. i don't think we've ever been in a Bible study together.
we were studying the story of Jonathan and David in I Samuel 18. it talks about how Jonathan made a covenant with David based on friendship. Jonathan stripped himself of his robe and armor and put it on David. David had nothing to give in return. Just like us with Christ! also like us with Christ, David took on the identity of his covenant partner when he put on Jonathans robe.
i think i'm jacking up this whole story...
ok so my mom chimed in and shared a story from another Bible study she'd done. she said that the teacher asked people to take off their "old, tattered robe" and trade it in for the robe of Christ.
AHH! that was it! that is what i wanted to do so badly!!!
so i thought and prayed asking God to give me a word for my robe. i felt like if i could just name it i'd feel free of it.
but it didn't happen quickly. i prayed that sunday and continued to ask throughout the week. i also decided instead of just focusing on the negative i'd ask God to fill me with His character.
so i was praying for the fruits of the Spirit and letting that be my focus. all the while, hoping God would help me be able to name and confess that other gross, dark, sadness i felt.
soooooo friday rolls around. my parents decided they would drive ALL the kids up to the mountains and let us adults ride quietly by ourselves. sounded peaceful :)
they picked up gabe around 11:30. jay and i packed our car, grabbed lunch and headed to north GA.
we weren't even to the williams rd exit when i started sharing my robe stuff with jay. we'd certainly talked about it a little during the week but i actually had time to share all the details with him and have him pray with me.
so i told him i was asking God for my word.
jays response..."can i tell you what i think your word is?" umm......YES!!! (ps - this friends, is why i ask God to tell jay things. he hears better than i do. probably b/c he listens more while i talk too much.)
he said i hope this doesnt hurt your feelings but i think your word is CONTROL.
y'all...
i was so stinkin excited. i said YES! that is it!
so i prayed and confessed that CONTROL had been my issue. i prayed that the Lord would forgive me and take that from me.
he DID. IN THAT MOMENT. GONE. FREEDOM. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that dark, sad, gross void i'd felt for YEARS was gone, in an instant! I know God doesn't always do things that quickly but this time he did.
i haven't felt this free and "clean" for years.
jay made a good point and said that my word being control made complete sense to him b/c I'd walked with the Lord all my life but made the poor choice of telling God 9 years ago that I needed to CONTROL certain areas of my life. and he let me.
but NO MORE FOLKS. with his help, covered in HIS ROBE, i am free of that mess!!!!!!!!!!
AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.
next blog will be full of hilarious quotes and details from our fabulous trip. every family should have a fall family fun extravaganza.
i am FREE. did you catch that!? i pray that if there is something in YOU that feels like i did....ask God for that word today and get rid of that mess!
i am somewhat of a control freak. i love routine. i like knowing what is ahead and how to plan for it.
spontaneous is not a word those closest to be would use to describe me.
i don't think that trait is a sin by itself. but when you tell God that YOU are in control rather than allowing Him to be...thats when it becomes a problem. a big, nasty one.
LOOOOOOOOONG story short...
for lots of years now (like 8 or 9) i have been aware of part of me that felt gross, dark, kinda like a wall between me and God.
don't get me wrong. i have been in a relationship with Him all this time. We've had some amazing moments, millions of hard and precious talks, lots of prayers, etc. but i still felt a sadness. i knew it was a Kaci thing not a God thing. i just couldn't put my finger on it. can i be honest...for some of those long years i don't think i cared to put my finger on it. :( thats hard to confess.
mmk, fast forward to this summer.
God grabbed my heart and started pulling me back into His Word in a new, exciting way. i started doing some new Bible Studies that caused me to get deeper in my quiet time. i have loved it.
a few weeks ago i started a new one on the Covenant. it's been so interesting and fun. the BEST part is that my mom is doing it with me. i don't think we've ever been in a Bible study together.
we were studying the story of Jonathan and David in I Samuel 18. it talks about how Jonathan made a covenant with David based on friendship. Jonathan stripped himself of his robe and armor and put it on David. David had nothing to give in return. Just like us with Christ! also like us with Christ, David took on the identity of his covenant partner when he put on Jonathans robe.
i think i'm jacking up this whole story...
ok so my mom chimed in and shared a story from another Bible study she'd done. she said that the teacher asked people to take off their "old, tattered robe" and trade it in for the robe of Christ.
AHH! that was it! that is what i wanted to do so badly!!!
so i thought and prayed asking God to give me a word for my robe. i felt like if i could just name it i'd feel free of it.
but it didn't happen quickly. i prayed that sunday and continued to ask throughout the week. i also decided instead of just focusing on the negative i'd ask God to fill me with His character.
so i was praying for the fruits of the Spirit and letting that be my focus. all the while, hoping God would help me be able to name and confess that other gross, dark, sadness i felt.
soooooo friday rolls around. my parents decided they would drive ALL the kids up to the mountains and let us adults ride quietly by ourselves. sounded peaceful :)
they picked up gabe around 11:30. jay and i packed our car, grabbed lunch and headed to north GA.
we weren't even to the williams rd exit when i started sharing my robe stuff with jay. we'd certainly talked about it a little during the week but i actually had time to share all the details with him and have him pray with me.
so i told him i was asking God for my word.
jays response..."can i tell you what i think your word is?" umm......YES!!! (ps - this friends, is why i ask God to tell jay things. he hears better than i do. probably b/c he listens more while i talk too much.)
he said i hope this doesnt hurt your feelings but i think your word is CONTROL.
y'all...
i was so stinkin excited. i said YES! that is it!
so i prayed and confessed that CONTROL had been my issue. i prayed that the Lord would forgive me and take that from me.
he DID. IN THAT MOMENT. GONE. FREEDOM. AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
that dark, sad, gross void i'd felt for YEARS was gone, in an instant! I know God doesn't always do things that quickly but this time he did.
i haven't felt this free and "clean" for years.
jay made a good point and said that my word being control made complete sense to him b/c I'd walked with the Lord all my life but made the poor choice of telling God 9 years ago that I needed to CONTROL certain areas of my life. and he let me.
but NO MORE FOLKS. with his help, covered in HIS ROBE, i am free of that mess!!!!!!!!!!
AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.
next blog will be full of hilarious quotes and details from our fabulous trip. every family should have a fall family fun extravaganza.
i am FREE. did you catch that!? i pray that if there is something in YOU that feels like i did....ask God for that word today and get rid of that mess!
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