lesley life lately
i am enjoying this spring weather! too bad its supposed to be cold again this week. i am not complaining though. before too long i'll be wishing for cooler temps.
so i cried yesterday. jay shaved Gs head. gone. short. its pitiful. i'm trying to think positive. it's just hair. he gets really hot with "longer" hair in the spring and summer. he's cute no matter what...oh but its not good.
i cant even be mad at jay. he's just a sweet guy.
last week was a bit of a struggle for me. i had a really hard time with thinking negatively about myself. man, i hate that fleshy struggle.
sadly, it's no surprise to anyone that i have this nasty habit. i apologize for being so self-centered.
sunday morning was awful. i'm not exaggerating that i tried on about 15 things and all of it was ill-fitting. so discouraging.
i went to church in a uncomfortable shirt. i couldn't hardly take a deep breath b/c it was so tight. ugh. (ok wait, not like "homegirl shoudn't be wearing that to church tight.")
i tried to put it behind me and just worship. g was with me. he's so darn cute its hard to care about anything else.
i took my frustration straight to God. i told Him i was sorry that i even cared but that this was hard for me. even as i was praying i started thinking of what i could do to "fix it." maybe i can cut out bread, or my pb2. maybe i should stop taking bites of jays food, etc.
then i really felt like God said, "kaci seriously. buy bigger clothes."
i smiled. but inside still wanted to change things.
i even texted my mom later and told her i had to do something. her response...complete confirmation..."buy bigger clothes."
i also decided instead of giving up food or changing my diet and calling it "lent" (when i know i'd be doing it with wrong intentions..." i decided to give up negative thoughts about myself. thinking them or saying them. i PRAY this becomes a habit.
nothing about my physical appearance has anything to do with the kingdom of God. Lord forgive me.
that certainly doesn't mean i'm going to quit eating healthy and exercising. i just hope i KEEP those things in their rightful place. amen?? amen.
in more fun news i went to see an endocrinologist last week. i LOVED him!
he was encouraging. he was honest. he explained things in a way that made complete sense.
why in 7 years hasn't anyone explained things the way he did? he helped me feel a little more normal. although he did say a 35 year old that was post menopausal may be a first for him.
we talked through every aspect of my issues :) he said he could make me feel 20 again. YES PLEASE! y'all...i have every symptom of menopause... hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain (bigger clothes!), forgetting words, sleeplessness, anxiety, etc. i am so ready to not have those issues!
i had to have blood drawn before i left. they needed 3 things of it. she took two out of my right arm and then took the needle out. she said "oops, i need another." i smiled but wanted to die. needles are not my fav! but i stayed strong while she poked me in the left and took another.
i did tell them this ridiculous kaci moment....i was doing weight watchers points system and had just given platelets at the red cross. apparently i was pale bc they asked if i felt ok. i said i was feeling a little funny. so they laid my chair back and told me to drink some grape juice. i said, "no no no i can't drink juice! it has too many points! i wont be able to eat supper!" yes, that happened.
sometimes i wonder about myself.
random thoughts:
- i seriously would play bingo every week if some place hosted it. (besides old folks homes)
- its march and i am already getting excited about college football.
- gabe calls josh & claires dog "pickles" her name is sparkles.
- i don't like to write with a pencil
- my mom basically only writes in pencil
- i dont mind driving by myself but if someone else is with me i'd rather them drive
- i cannot write in cursive
- i could eat a big gallon tub of goldfish crackers
- i love the show parenthood.
- i am extremely lazy after 7pm
- i dont like yard sales
- g loves to smell my coffee
- i love to hear him say "mmm delicious"
- i never really understood when parents talked about loving their kids. but seriously sometimes i think my heart may burst i love g so much.
- i really like ramen.
- mid morning runs are not fun.
- when i print things on letterhead i almost always mess up the first time. (i do it on scrap paper...but its wrong)
- i like meeting people and helping people. i would like THAT part of being a nurse...but i couldnt handle blood, puke, poop, etc. so i dont think thats my calling.
- i want a talent.
- i love 70 degree weather.
my next blog will have a point. maybe.
so i cried yesterday. jay shaved Gs head. gone. short. its pitiful. i'm trying to think positive. it's just hair. he gets really hot with "longer" hair in the spring and summer. he's cute no matter what...oh but its not good.
i cant even be mad at jay. he's just a sweet guy.
last week was a bit of a struggle for me. i had a really hard time with thinking negatively about myself. man, i hate that fleshy struggle.
sadly, it's no surprise to anyone that i have this nasty habit. i apologize for being so self-centered.
sunday morning was awful. i'm not exaggerating that i tried on about 15 things and all of it was ill-fitting. so discouraging.
i went to church in a uncomfortable shirt. i couldn't hardly take a deep breath b/c it was so tight. ugh. (ok wait, not like "homegirl shoudn't be wearing that to church tight.")
i tried to put it behind me and just worship. g was with me. he's so darn cute its hard to care about anything else.
i took my frustration straight to God. i told Him i was sorry that i even cared but that this was hard for me. even as i was praying i started thinking of what i could do to "fix it." maybe i can cut out bread, or my pb2. maybe i should stop taking bites of jays food, etc.
then i really felt like God said, "kaci seriously. buy bigger clothes."
i smiled. but inside still wanted to change things.
i even texted my mom later and told her i had to do something. her response...complete confirmation..."buy bigger clothes."
i also decided instead of giving up food or changing my diet and calling it "lent" (when i know i'd be doing it with wrong intentions..." i decided to give up negative thoughts about myself. thinking them or saying them. i PRAY this becomes a habit.
nothing about my physical appearance has anything to do with the kingdom of God. Lord forgive me.
that certainly doesn't mean i'm going to quit eating healthy and exercising. i just hope i KEEP those things in their rightful place. amen?? amen.
in more fun news i went to see an endocrinologist last week. i LOVED him!
he was encouraging. he was honest. he explained things in a way that made complete sense.
why in 7 years hasn't anyone explained things the way he did? he helped me feel a little more normal. although he did say a 35 year old that was post menopausal may be a first for him.
we talked through every aspect of my issues :) he said he could make me feel 20 again. YES PLEASE! y'all...i have every symptom of menopause... hot flashes, night sweats, weight gain (bigger clothes!), forgetting words, sleeplessness, anxiety, etc. i am so ready to not have those issues!
i had to have blood drawn before i left. they needed 3 things of it. she took two out of my right arm and then took the needle out. she said "oops, i need another." i smiled but wanted to die. needles are not my fav! but i stayed strong while she poked me in the left and took another.
i did tell them this ridiculous kaci moment....i was doing weight watchers points system and had just given platelets at the red cross. apparently i was pale bc they asked if i felt ok. i said i was feeling a little funny. so they laid my chair back and told me to drink some grape juice. i said, "no no no i can't drink juice! it has too many points! i wont be able to eat supper!" yes, that happened.
sometimes i wonder about myself.
random thoughts:
- i seriously would play bingo every week if some place hosted it. (besides old folks homes)
- its march and i am already getting excited about college football.
- gabe calls josh & claires dog "pickles" her name is sparkles.
- i don't like to write with a pencil
- my mom basically only writes in pencil
- i dont mind driving by myself but if someone else is with me i'd rather them drive
- i cannot write in cursive
- i could eat a big gallon tub of goldfish crackers
- i love the show parenthood.
- i am extremely lazy after 7pm
- i dont like yard sales
- g loves to smell my coffee
- i love to hear him say "mmm delicious"
- i never really understood when parents talked about loving their kids. but seriously sometimes i think my heart may burst i love g so much.
- i really like ramen.
- mid morning runs are not fun.
- when i print things on letterhead i almost always mess up the first time. (i do it on scrap paper...but its wrong)
- i like meeting people and helping people. i would like THAT part of being a nurse...but i couldnt handle blood, puke, poop, etc. so i dont think thats my calling.
- i want a talent.
- i love 70 degree weather.
my next blog will have a point. maybe.
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