cool whip
on monday jay and i will celebrate 8 years of marriage! that seems wild. 8 years?! that went by so quickly.
i am beyond thankful for jay. he is such a good man. lawd knows he can drive me nuts but he has the best heart. i adore that about him. we'll talk more about all the good stuff in a bit.
jay and i have a long (LONG) history together! we've known each other for 11 years and been good friends for most of that time.
i won't go into too much detail about our relationship before marriage (it's in other posts i think...)
but for the single girls out there i want to say some things...
(ps - by SINGLE i mean not married. so this goes for girls in dating relationships too!)
AS MUCH AS I LOVE JAY AND AM THANKFUL WE ENDED UP TOGETHER - here are some things i wish i'd done differently and/or recommend for single girls...
1. keep GOD FIRST.
- it's so easy to say that but not do it. keeping God first means GOD MEANS MORE TO YOU THAN A GUY. what God thinks is more important, honoring Him matters most, being willing to let go of someone if you know He's asking you to.
even in marriage keeping God first is a struggle. some days i'm just in mom/wife/employee mode. and it's noon before i've even said hello to Him. ugh. don't be that way folks. He deserves my first hello of the morning and to be #1 on my priority list all day. (that makes me a better mom/wife/employee)
2. BE OBEDIENT to Christ
- obey Him without delay. if He's nudging you in any way obey!
i didn't do this so well with jay. i KNEW that our friendship had an unhealthy place in my heart. i KNEW that God was telling me "not now" when it came to jay. but i kept going. i kept pouring my heart into a FRIENDSHIP that was simply that...a friendship. but to me, it was my everything.
and ya know what...God let me make that choice. i kept that relationship in an unhealthy spot and it did several things:
- hurt/wasted time i could've been growing in Christ
- hurt friends and people that cared a lot about me
- damaged my self-image and left me feeling empty
PLEASE keep in mind this was NOT jays fault. this was MY disobedience. i asked God if i could be with jay and He gently whispered "not now." and my response (through actions) was "oh i'm going for it anyway."
you know what else happened bc of my disobedience?
- a 8-10 year battle with self-image, selfishness, unforgiveness towards myself and depression.
3. RELAX.
if you are in a relationship - ENJOY it. work on growing together in Him, seek His will for your relationship and be obedient! spend time together doing fun things. go on REAL DATES. i think we've lost that these days. people just hang out. NO ask that girl out. Pick her up, get out of the car, go to the door and get her, take her to dinner, dress nice, meet her parents, etc.
if you are not in a relationship - ENJOY it. spend time with LOTS of people. make new friends. go out with groups of people. travel. grow in Him. find new hobbies/interests. move to a new town! LIFE does NOT begin when you are in a relationship. you've got the rest of your life to be married. HAVE FUN! :)
i dont care how old you are i hope you'll ENJOY life single or married.
relationships don't fulfill you. GOD DOES. HE is ENOUGH. and if He's not....you shouldn't be in a relationship. yeah, i said it.
kaci's tips on a healthy relationship (that no one asked for...)
- ask the people around you (that you trust) if they see any red flags in your relationship. and hear what they say without getting defensive. then take it to Christ and see what He says.
- have an older couple mentor you. allow them to ask the tough questions. if you aren't willing to do that - you are avoiding something.
- ask your parents what they think.
- be faithful to the people in your life. don't revolve your life around the person you are dating. b/c if that relationship ends...you are going to be lonely.
- DATE. that means make plans to go out one or two nights a week. purposefully! then have a life outside of that person.
- make good choices when it comes to purity. talk about it openly together and with your mentors. jay and i (bc of jays past relationships) may have kissed 5 times max between the time we started dating seriously and our wedding. was that easy? nope. but it was right for us.
i am NOT saying you cant kiss. i'm not one of those. i'm just saying be real about where you need to draw the line.
(KA used to always say "if a bathing suit touches it, your bf/gf can't." can i get an amen?!)
- don't date people you can't trust. if you find yourself looking through their phone, stalking their twitter/instagram, etc. uh, you got a problem...
(don't be "that girl/guy" just dont. people are going to have friends of the opposite sex. if you cant trust them around the opposite sex....RED FLAG.)
i could go on...
but here are some reasons i'm glad God finally said "yes" for jay and i...
Jay loves, serves, seeks and obeys God. he also leads g and i in doing the same.
jay is the most patient, gentle, calm, loving, genuine, lovable, easy-going, talented, godly, faithful, honest guys i know.
he doesn't raise his voice in anger.
he is trustworthy. zero part of me worries when it comes to jay. when he goes to play "gigs" i always say "oh be careful little eyes..." when he leaves. but i trust his heart. completely.
he makes me laugh, constantly.
he loves his family and mine.
he's faithful to his friends.
he is SUCH a fun dad. but disciplines as well. thank the LORD. i can't handle a kid that thinks they rule the roost. jay tells g "you can't tell me no....you are the low man on the totem pole." that always cracks me up.
he calls me out if he sees something unhealthy/ungodly going on in my life. AMEN.
even though i want to punch him when....
- he has the TV volume on 800.
- he makes mashed potatoes sound like rocks.
- he snores, smacks and slurps his coffee
- he has shoes/jeans/& shirts laying around everywhere
- he spends a lot of time on craigslist...ha!
he has my heart and i have his.
so thankful for 8 years of marriage. and i look forward to growing OLD with him. oh gosh, we are gonna laugh A LOT getting old together :)
i love you JAY (not jae) Lesley.
i am beyond thankful for jay. he is such a good man. lawd knows he can drive me nuts but he has the best heart. i adore that about him. we'll talk more about all the good stuff in a bit.
jay and i have a long (LONG) history together! we've known each other for 11 years and been good friends for most of that time.
i won't go into too much detail about our relationship before marriage (it's in other posts i think...)
but for the single girls out there i want to say some things...
(ps - by SINGLE i mean not married. so this goes for girls in dating relationships too!)
AS MUCH AS I LOVE JAY AND AM THANKFUL WE ENDED UP TOGETHER - here are some things i wish i'd done differently and/or recommend for single girls...
1. keep GOD FIRST.
- it's so easy to say that but not do it. keeping God first means GOD MEANS MORE TO YOU THAN A GUY. what God thinks is more important, honoring Him matters most, being willing to let go of someone if you know He's asking you to.
even in marriage keeping God first is a struggle. some days i'm just in mom/wife/employee mode. and it's noon before i've even said hello to Him. ugh. don't be that way folks. He deserves my first hello of the morning and to be #1 on my priority list all day. (that makes me a better mom/wife/employee)
2. BE OBEDIENT to Christ
- obey Him without delay. if He's nudging you in any way obey!
i didn't do this so well with jay. i KNEW that our friendship had an unhealthy place in my heart. i KNEW that God was telling me "not now" when it came to jay. but i kept going. i kept pouring my heart into a FRIENDSHIP that was simply that...a friendship. but to me, it was my everything.
and ya know what...God let me make that choice. i kept that relationship in an unhealthy spot and it did several things:
- hurt/wasted time i could've been growing in Christ
- hurt friends and people that cared a lot about me
- damaged my self-image and left me feeling empty
PLEASE keep in mind this was NOT jays fault. this was MY disobedience. i asked God if i could be with jay and He gently whispered "not now." and my response (through actions) was "oh i'm going for it anyway."
you know what else happened bc of my disobedience?
- a 8-10 year battle with self-image, selfishness, unforgiveness towards myself and depression.
3. RELAX.
if you are in a relationship - ENJOY it. work on growing together in Him, seek His will for your relationship and be obedient! spend time together doing fun things. go on REAL DATES. i think we've lost that these days. people just hang out. NO ask that girl out. Pick her up, get out of the car, go to the door and get her, take her to dinner, dress nice, meet her parents, etc.
if you are not in a relationship - ENJOY it. spend time with LOTS of people. make new friends. go out with groups of people. travel. grow in Him. find new hobbies/interests. move to a new town! LIFE does NOT begin when you are in a relationship. you've got the rest of your life to be married. HAVE FUN! :)
i dont care how old you are i hope you'll ENJOY life single or married.
relationships don't fulfill you. GOD DOES. HE is ENOUGH. and if He's not....you shouldn't be in a relationship. yeah, i said it.
kaci's tips on a healthy relationship (that no one asked for...)
- ask the people around you (that you trust) if they see any red flags in your relationship. and hear what they say without getting defensive. then take it to Christ and see what He says.
- have an older couple mentor you. allow them to ask the tough questions. if you aren't willing to do that - you are avoiding something.
- ask your parents what they think.
- be faithful to the people in your life. don't revolve your life around the person you are dating. b/c if that relationship ends...you are going to be lonely.
- DATE. that means make plans to go out one or two nights a week. purposefully! then have a life outside of that person.
- make good choices when it comes to purity. talk about it openly together and with your mentors. jay and i (bc of jays past relationships) may have kissed 5 times max between the time we started dating seriously and our wedding. was that easy? nope. but it was right for us.
i am NOT saying you cant kiss. i'm not one of those. i'm just saying be real about where you need to draw the line.
(KA used to always say "if a bathing suit touches it, your bf/gf can't." can i get an amen?!)
- don't date people you can't trust. if you find yourself looking through their phone, stalking their twitter/instagram, etc. uh, you got a problem...
(don't be "that girl/guy" just dont. people are going to have friends of the opposite sex. if you cant trust them around the opposite sex....RED FLAG.)
i could go on...
but here are some reasons i'm glad God finally said "yes" for jay and i...
Jay loves, serves, seeks and obeys God. he also leads g and i in doing the same.
jay is the most patient, gentle, calm, loving, genuine, lovable, easy-going, talented, godly, faithful, honest guys i know.
he doesn't raise his voice in anger.
he is trustworthy. zero part of me worries when it comes to jay. when he goes to play "gigs" i always say "oh be careful little eyes..." when he leaves. but i trust his heart. completely.
he makes me laugh, constantly.
he loves his family and mine.
he's faithful to his friends.
he is SUCH a fun dad. but disciplines as well. thank the LORD. i can't handle a kid that thinks they rule the roost. jay tells g "you can't tell me no....you are the low man on the totem pole." that always cracks me up.
he calls me out if he sees something unhealthy/ungodly going on in my life. AMEN.
even though i want to punch him when....
- he has the TV volume on 800.
- he makes mashed potatoes sound like rocks.
- he snores, smacks and slurps his coffee
- he has shoes/jeans/& shirts laying around everywhere
- he spends a lot of time on craigslist...ha!
he has my heart and i have his.
so thankful for 8 years of marriage. and i look forward to growing OLD with him. oh gosh, we are gonna laugh A LOT getting old together :)
i love you JAY (not jae) Lesley.
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