i'm no expert

i do not claim to know ANYTHING about parenting. i've only been one 2.5 years and still text/call/email my mom and sister-in-law about everything.

i'm pushing 36 so i'm not just out of high school either. but i have spent the last 15 years (between being a Young Life leader and working for Teen Advisors) walking through life with high school students and i've picked up on some things.

i've mentioned some of these things before so forgive me if i repeat myself.

the most important thing i've learned about teenagers - no matter how nerdy, popular, emo, cool, punkish, quiet, obnoxious, annoying they are - is that they desire CONSISTENCY.

yep, they simply want someone to be consistent in their life.

i have very little wisdom to share with the TAs i spend my time with. but i show up. i ask questions. i encourage them. sometimes i call them out on their foolishness. but i am THERE.

so put your phone down, put away the computer, turn off the TV and spend time with them. sure, they will make "vacation face" (y'all know what that is. like every dang middle school girl in family vacation photos) and act like they hate spending time with you. but i PROMISE they won't regret that time or FORGET it.

so DO IT.

now, speaking of middle school...

i honestly think these 3 years are like the worst in life. haha. and i had fun in middle school. but thinking back oh.my.lawd. the awkwardness, the stress, the confusion...ugh!

it's just brutal.

this is when most people go through their "funk stage." bad hair, maybe braces (nothing wrong with them....i always wanted them!), trying to figure out who you are, starting your period, going through puberty, boobs, i don't even know the stress of boys & their "junk!"  oh goodness.

so on top of all that mess. you've got this new, out-of-nowhere, pressure to be cool.

nobody is cool in elementary school. there's still a tad (just a smidgen!) of innocence at that age. and then BAM 6th grade rolls around and everyone has this new idea that they are grown!?

here's where i may piss folks off...

some parents are NO HELP during middle school. i mainly pick on girls b/c guys don't really care. they aren't mean like girls. they are jerks at times. but good grief, i'd rather wrestle a bear than deal with a middle school mean girl.

dear parents, don't lie. you know whether or not your daughter is a mean girl. you do. you know if she's talking about other girls. you know if she's the "leader of the pack." you know if she thinks she's the most amazing thing around....

so, if your daughter is that girl. take one for the team and talk to her!

please help her understand a few things:
1. the world doesn't revolve around her.
2. those sweet girls that she's making feel "less than enough" are people too.
3. she needs to be nice b/c she may not always be top dawg.

more importantly, teach her that God isn't honored by her meanness. help her understand that life is SO MUCH MORE than being popular. help her see that she doesn't have to put others down or make other people feel bad to build herself up. in fact, if she made the people around her feel good about themselves that she would also feel better about herself.

those "mean girls" aren't really mean at heart. (ok, some of them are!) i know they are good girls. they are falling under that same pressure, evil trap, of being popular.

if you don't grab their hearts now....that behavior won't end in high school. but in high school it turns into bigger pressures. sex. drugs. partying.   TRUST ME ON THAT.

grab that "mean" heart and help her see that she is simply enough.
- she doesn't have to be the best dancer, soccer player, student, homecoming queen, etc.
- she doesn't have to have a boyfriend. ugh, that pressure is too much. and it drives girls to do things they regret, forever.

she needs YOU to help her guard her heart.

i know it sounds like i just want to slap mean girls. i don't! in fact, i want to grab them and hug them. i want to help them LET GO of the pressure to be "on top."

life is tough enough without that added pressure. we all feel it even as adults. to have the perfect spouse, job, house, yard, car, body, etc. ugh. just let them be KIDS.

ok, another thing...

please do not think that because your child goes to a private OR christian school that they are immune to all these pressures.

that could NOT be further from the truth.

i work with students from columbus, hardaway, calvary, st luke, carver, harris county, brookstone, pacelli, northside, homeschool, and more.

where they go to school has nothing to do with it. NOTHING.

hate to say it. but its true.

drugs - everywhere
sex - everywhere
alcohol - everywhere
bullying - everywhere
punks/mean girls - everywhere
porn - everywhere

everywhere your kids turn there is crap. lies. pressure. the enemy.

BUT so is Jesus.

so let's remind our kids of that, daily.

let's pray for them before they leave the house every morning...with them!

let's call them out if we think they are being punks to other students.

let's remind them that these pressures that feel SO REAL in middle/high school (and college) are only fleeting and they are not worth living with regret.

let's stop saying they need to "sew their wild oats." thats bull.

let's be consistent. ask them about their friends, their hearts, their fears, goals, stress, etc.

have supper with them. let them check in late sometime so you can go eat a big breakfast. surprise them with their favorite snack one afternoon (just like when they were 3 years old!)

heck, tell them about your fears, your triumphs, your heart, what you are learning from God. tell them how He is challenging you with something and ask them to hold you accountable.

tell them your sorry when you are distracted, upset, mean for no reason, etc.

and when they don't want to talk to you (like in the car after school...lawd, i do hear kids complain about questions parents ask....haha)

just pray for them silently.
do something funny to make them laugh.
tell them reasons you love them (even though you wanna punch 'em!)
ask them how you can help with their homework or project.

leave them a note by their bed.
send them a fb message or text just for the heck of it.
tell them why you are proud of them.
point out things in them you delight in - not accomplishments - but character traits you appreciate.

guys need this stuff too. so i'm not just talking about girls!

i'mma shut up for now.

now, let's see how many people i offended...