just because

This summer I helped Teen Advisors prepare for their fall retreat. It was definitely bittersweet knowing I wouldn't be at the retreat for the first time in 13 years. I did easy jobs like write name tags, make blessing bags, make adult folders and coordinate transportation and facilities. Nothing difficult. I love doing tasks. LOVE IT. I know it may be strange but checking jobs off of a list is heaven to me. And I may not be super talented or brilliant but I am a fast worker. I can get things done crazy fast. I don't even know why. So doing things for the retreat is my favorite kinda job. My, not so favorite job, is reading the "write your heart out" forms that we ask the kids to fill out at the pre-retreat meeting. They are completely anonymous which gives the students freedom to truly write their hearts out....and they do. Every year my heart breaks at the crap these young students are facing. High school sucks. Don't you remember all the pressure?! I mean ...

y'all. anxiety sucks. i've never dealt with anything like this in my life. since last november i have had dizzy spells, lightheadedness, some nausea and felt off balance. do you KNOW how annoying that is?????? when i'm brushing my teeth i feel like i'm going to fall forward. even sitting here now i feel heavy headed and just not myself. i don't feel stressed. i do NOT sit around and think about terrible things or "what ifs" or worry about my life so it frustrates me that i have to deal with the physical symptoms. i sure do wish i understood why. i feel like a bad christian. like i should be able to pray past this! but it's still hanging around. i am taking medication and i guess it helps some. i do covet prayers. i want so badly to feel like myself again!!! dealing with something like anxiety is lonely. i sometimes get jealous that other people just "feel normal" and can go on about their lives doing whatever they want to do...

so back in november i started having some strange health issues. i've talked about them before. dizzy, lightheaded, etc. not vertigo room spinning kinda stuff. but random moments of lightheadedness...feeling like my brain was falling inside my head. weird, i know. i also felt nauseous often. but not enough to keep me from eating ;) i went to my regular doctor and they tried treating my symptoms and started testing me for everything. i took zofran for nausea. meclazine (sp?) for vertigo. i took stuff for heart burn and acid reflux. they did an ultra-sound of my organs....stomach, gall bladder, lungs, kidneys, etc. had my gall bladder removed. b/c ya know, maybe that's it?! i did have stones and sludge. gross. still the symptoms continued. ok, so we moved forward a little and had an MRI done. came out normal. (thank the Lord.) but the symptoms remained. it was/is depressing. it's hard to want to drive or go anywhere when you aren't sure how you'r...

Lawd knows I have a love/hate relationship with running! I love the idea of it. And during fall and spring I actually love it. But summertime is a different story. Good grief, there is no way to escape the Georgia humidity. (I mean, unless I leave GA.) I haven't always been a runner. Not AT ALL. I didn't play sports or do anything active really growing up. I tried dance at one point. I think I did it for a year. Wasn't my thing. I also did gymnastics when I was 15. Yep, 15. A group of us girls decided we wanted to give it a shot our freshman year. I think they were all good at it. I, on the other hand, was a train wreck. I may have attempted gymnastics as a kid too. But I don't remember it...which makes me think it was traumatizing therefore I forgot it. I also did ballet at age 30. NO woman in her 30's should wear pink tights and a leotard. Well, that's not true. Some women can. THIS woman should not have. I hated that mess. I felt like those pink hip...

it is my last week at teen advisors where i've worked for 13 years. wow, it's wild to think about leaving this job. i have loved meeting 1000's of students and getting to walk with then through life. i have LOVED getting to work in an office that is filled with His presence and is a delightful place to be. i will miss my co-workers terribly. thankfully we live in the same town so i can see them whenever i want to :) i will miss the pantry...always filled with deliciousness. i will miss praying with the staff once a week, sharing funny stories and laughs, and sharing the burden of kids that grow up with some crappy parents and struggles. i'll never forget the hurts our students shared. those memories will keep me praying for teens. another reason i won't stop praying is my nieces. they are growing (too quickly!) and starting to deal with the drama that is middle school. i hear them share about their friends and the pressures they feel in school and it's hard. t...

it's been a while since i've blogged so i figured i'd take a minute and write. this past month has been wild with trips to different doctors trying to figure out all my strange symptoms. mostly lightheadedness, heart palpitations, fatigue, etc.  we're slowly ruling things out which is nice! leaning towards a thyroid issue. which we have known was off but had a doctor put me on medication that i shouldn't have been taking without another medicine with it. so there's that...a year on the wrong medicine. awesome. here's what my monday looked like: it was marathon doctor day. started with endocrinologist at 7:45am, neurologist at 9:30am and cardiologist at 11:30am.  almost passed out after having blood drawn at first appt. apparently if you take 3 things of my blood i'mma be lightheaded! last time i DID pass out. this time just came close. it was terrible. sadly i didn't have TIME to pass out because i had to drive (quickly!) my my next...

there are so many things i love about being Gs mom. i have never loved someone like i love him. it's the closest i can ever come to understanding the way God loves me. i am writing to my sweet little boy today. but while i'm writing there are other little guys on my heart...big ones too! so this is to my sweet Gabriel Wyatt Lesley (but also to Vasa, Jack, Weston, John Will, Clayton, Moses, Sills...my other nephews) you are a child of our "good good Father. and you are loved by Him...it's who you are!" i hope and pray that you will live in that truth, always. this world is gross. it can be mean. it can hurt. but our God is bigger than all that. i wish i could go before your every step and make life less painful. i wouldn't take away life's trials because they will bring you to His feet. but i would shield you from some of the awful lies that you will certainly face.  you are growing up so fast. i am trying so hard to help you grow into a...